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Impossible dilemma - am I doing the right thing?....Help please!

80 replies

grant10 · 17/11/2014 16:35

I'm extremely concerned about how I should deal with an unexpected problem I have with my best friend's 3yo son, who I am looking after for 3+ weeks while she is away in New Zealand due to a family bereavement. Staying with us was considered to be the perfect solution, as he's spent lots of time at our home, is very familiar with us all and loves playing with my own 4yo son.
His first night with us was last Thursday and he slept right through with no problems. However, the next night at about 11pm I could hear that he was awake and clearly upset so quickly went upstairs to try and settle him back down - only to discover that he had wet the bed and was shivering uncomfortably in wet pj's. Fortunately I had put a waterproof under-sheet on the bed, so quickly had him comfortable and dry again. As he's been dry at night for several months now, I passed this incident off as simply unlucky and probably a result of him feeling a bit unsettled while not being in his own home and bed. While this may well be the reason, the problem continues, with a wet bed on both the following two nights. I'm running out of ideas, as on both those nights I took him to the toilet for a wee before going to bed myself - and I also avoided giving him a drink near to his bed-time. Above all, it is preventing him from having a good nights sleep and upsetting him.

As him mum put so much time and effort in to getting him dry at night, the very last thing I wanted to resort to was nappies, but something had to be done as I couldn't cope with three weeks of bed wetting and I'd exhausted all other options I could think of. Having decided there was no alternative to a nappy, I thought it sensible to at least avoid the suggestion to him of having a nappy on for bed, so instead referred to it just as "big boys' bed-time pants". This idea seemed to be working well, but only until he saw me unfolding a disposable ready for him - then all hell let loose....a very grumpy and upset boy, who clearly had no doubt about what was about to go on his bottom! I was by now at my wit's end and desperate to find a way to take him up to bed feeling relaxed, happy, and above all, in a nappy. Terries to the rescue!!...and thankfully I'd kept everything required from when my ds was last in nappies. I was certain he'd never experienced wearing a terry nappy before, so was hopeful that he could be cleverly persuaded to try on some "really special pants for bed-time" Woohoo!....it worked a treat - and to my relief he was almost excited to see how I could magic a couple of terry squares to become some pants for him. He was even more intrigued by the two nappy pins that I'd explained were needed to help make his pants! He was so fascinated and engrossed in the whole procedure that he was quite oblivious to me putting a boosted nappy on him, complete with plastic pants, with no more than a minor protest when he realised he could no longer close his legs!. And was it all worthwhile? Well, he slept comfortably through the night, woke up this morning in a nice dry bed - thanks to a nappy which most definitely wasn't dry!

So, I've thankfully overcome the bed wetting problem and have decided to keep nappying him at night for now, but I am worried sick that this might lead to him relying on a nappy at night once again and therefore be undoing all his mum's painstaking hard work to get him dry at night. She could be understandably very angry with me and it could even spoil our friendship.

Please tell me if you think I've handled the situation as well as I could - and give me any advice or better ideas you may have. I am so worried about telling this little boy's mum that I've been putting him back in a nappy, but I just don't know what else I could have done. I'm desperate for reassurance!

Many thanks.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Goldmandra · 25/11/2014 16:49

I have just over a week to achieve it, but he's still wet every morning - so maybe I shouldn't worry about it and just leave things as they are?

I think you have to accept that there is no alternative. Unless he is waking up dry and then weeing, he has no control over this, therefore you cannot do anything to change it.

I'm sorry you feel you've lost a friend by offering to help out in a big way at a very difficult time. I hope things turn out better than that for you.

PurplePidjin · 25/11/2014 16:52

i wouldn't try anything - night dryness is hormonal and you risk making a settled child much more stressed - and stressing you out too!

grant10 · 25/11/2014 17:23

I take on board what you say PP and am quite resigned to having to leave things as they are. Consider my predicament 'though - the dc's come to stay with me and is dry at night thanks to enormous effort from the mum. Now she'll probably return to find he's not only regressed, but as I've discovered can only be persuaded to wear a terry as he flatly refuses sposies or pull-ups. I quite frankly cannot think of a more embarrassing scenario for me to be caught up in.

I think I have my work cut out in the next few days. (reaches for the Pino....again!)

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 25/11/2014 17:36

Feeding him Pino isn't going to help! Grin

I think you need to give her the fullest picture you can by email before she gets back with explanations of exactly how you got to where you are with him and the information about it being hormonal, how you didn't want to leave him in wet PJ's in case he became sore, etc.

That should save any in depth conversations when she arrives, not that you should be embarrassed anyway. You have done nothing but your very best for her child in a very difficult situation.

samlamb · 10/12/2014 12:44

How are you getting on Grant10 ? Is lo mum back?

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