DS cannot socially converse

[Missisdoyle]

My DS,3.9 has recently stopped speech therapy. The therapist said he is up to the level of his peers, which is great, but he still doesn't really communicate well. His new nursery has said they will put him undr observation,to address any issues he may have. He is fine when asking questions,but often it seems as if he is on another planet.His nana is convinced he has something akin to autism, as she "read an article in the D Mail" !!! And she mentioned that since my son was a bad sleeper,untilrecently, is a super fussy eater & is a bad mixer ( he is not shy at all) & has no conversational skills, he must have such a condition... Thank God he is a very affectionate, sensitive & highly intelligent child, who does want to mix ( he tried to give another little boy a kiss at nursery y'dy !) and he has a good sense of humour,which is why I don't think he has such issues... He led a very sheltered, quiet 2 yearsfom being born,as we lived abroad. His father worked long hours & we had no family or friends there. I believe that this could be the root of the prob, but what his nana has said has really worried me. Have any of you had a similar experience & if so did it resolve ? We have moved a lot in his 3.9 years, but are settled now & I want to do anything it takes to help him socialise & make friends. His main problem is conversation.

He sounds lovely and is still so little. The salt was happy, nursery will keep an eye on him if there are no other concerns you would naturally expect him to become a little more socially interactive as he grows up and get more confident in the children around him. Lots of children aren't so social at this age that is very normal.

The salt is much better placed than nanna to comment on developmental stuff:)

Thanks Yellow spoon ! I know that his nursery want to help him prepare for school,so that he has no probs. I know I shouldn't listen to my MIL ,but I cant help it sometimes !! Thanks for making me feel better.

Has his hearing ever been checked?

When ds1 was that age, his ears were congested all the time and he had noise in his ears and some hearing loss. He kept himself to himself at nursery and was usually engrossed in his own wee world doing whatever his latest obsession was. Trains I think it was at that age....

DS1 was also a terrible sleeper and an extremely fussy eater. When he was around 6yo, I discoved that he had tongue tie which was the root cause of the sleeping/eating/hearing problems (and others) that he was experiencing. He did not have any speech problems because it was a posterior tie and he had lots of movement in the front of his tongue, but had his tie been different, there could easily have been speech problems in there too.

He is 9yo now, NT and mixes well with other kids

Your DS sounds lovely and it's great the school is keeping an eye on him. As the other poster has said kids at this age are not that sociable anyway, the school should have plenty of experience supporting your ds' social skills. You are happy with his development and you know him best.
But I just wanted to say that if YOU happen to have concerns about his development in the future you must pursue it yourself, don't rely on the professionals like SALT or teachers to spot things as they might not have the training or expertise necessary to spot developmental issues. I talk from experience.

Go with your gut feeling not with what your MIL has read on the Daily Mail!

I know that it is not up to my son's teachers to solely act upon my son's issues & that its my responsibility, but sometimes it takes an impartial side to illuminate these things. Sometimes I feel like im going mad, as I have only my own instinct to rely on,but after nearly 4 yrs of crap sleep,that can be tricky...

Maw Broon, thanks, yes I did get his hearing tested [part of S Therapy}< but not tsted for tongue tie,as yet. That's interesting. He BF well ,as a baby & I thought if they had a TT, they could nt ?

BTW I DO NOT approve of drivel conveyed in that foul rag,commonly known as the daily mail, that's MIl's bible !!!!

Sorry if I have upset you. Two SALTs missed ds' ASD until he was 5, I guess that was just my experience. My bad.

Just to debunk a myth for you OP. Children with an ASD can indeed be affectionate and humorous and very intelligent. My DD is possibly on the spectrum and found conversing with people she didn't know very hard at your DS age. She would however have deeply complex conversations with us at home.

Does DS chat in conversation to you at home?

The thing is that ASD is tricky to diagnose because it presents individually in each child.

No, your mil can't diagnose from the DM, however I think if you had presented the list and said you were worried, then more knowledgeable people than I would have suggested you went to the GP and asked for a potential referal. So your MIL isn't being malicious or anything.

Do you have any doubts over hearing though? Because one test doesn't necessarily make a good hearer. Ds has glue ear. On a good day he can get as near perfect hearing as any child his age. On a bad day he can be down to almost none. For lack of hearing a lot of the ways it can present itself are symptoms like ASD-and it can be hard for a parent to notice.
I know with my ds I do now notice things that show his hearing is down. But it's not that he doesn't hear me, he's been adapting for 7 years on that. It's him turning the volume up slightly, or even having it off with subtitles on, him wanting me to sit next to him while I talk (so he can lip read I found), and most strangely of all to me, reacting away from loud noises.

What I think your best thing to do it talk to his preschool teachers and see how they feel. If they feel there may be more going on then it probably is worth getting him checked out. It is hard when we are with them every day to spot things that are not quite as usual sometimes-I found that with ds' glue ear. Things I thought were cute little quirks should have pointed me to the issues he had with hearing, but to me they were just him.

Tamaboy, no you didn't upset me, as such ! Its just that I have been pursuing his speech therapy for the last 2 years & pushing for that. Snce he was given the "all clear" by his STherapist, I had began to wonder if e had a problem, as i'd wrongly predicted that he would be fine after his ST had ran it's course. As we have been moving around for the past 4 years, we didn't know any other children, so I had no gage, to compare DS to. That was until we moved to our new town & have began to make friends. That is when I started to notice DS was not as advanced socially & conversationally as his peers. That in combination with his new key worker ( who is great), informing that she will put him under observation. She also informed me that communication is a different skill than language, something I had previously not taken into consideration.

ClawHands, no I did not know that. That is also interesting. You mentioned your DD is good at conversation at home, My DS asks some questions ( not many), but does not converse. For example I will ask him how he got on at school, etc ,but I get nothing in response. The kind of thing he will talk about could be reciting months of the year, he loves counting to one hundred, singing songs, but no conversation.

Deewee , I will get another hearing test, but I don't think hearing is the problem ,he can hear when he wants to ! I will also get him checked for tongue tie & I think a trip to the docs is on the cards .His cousin has ASD & they share many similarities.
I know my MIL is just doing her best for us, she is one of the kindest ladies I have ever met, but she can be a bit of a panic junkie !!
Many thanks for all your comments, they have helped to clarify a few things. I find my judgement to be in a state of chaos at the mo...

Dewee, sorry ! Told you I'm a bit foggy ..

oh I'm relieved you are ok, I didn't probably explain myself very well either...
NHS SALTS have huge caseloads and they would try to discharge children at the earliest opportunity. They have tried to discharge my Ds 4 times already but we have refused and we've had the support of the school every time.
As another poster has suggested and if you feel there is something more to it you could speak to your GP and take a list of your concerns with you and explain that you would like to refer your ds to a developmental paediatrician.
Maybe an independent SALT specialised in social skills could be useful.
best of luck

I have a son who's on the Autistic Spectrum at the very severe end and there are things in your posts that concern me.

Someone pointing out to you there is a difference between communication and language was spot on and its the first thing I thought of when reading about the SALT saying he was up to the level of his peers. I was going to comment on it. And pls dont write off the likes of newspaper and magazine articles when mentioned by people because some of them are very informative and of a high quality. My son is 24 now but it was a half page article in a Womans Own 23 years ago that confirmed to me that I was right, that there was something amiss and it probably was that 'thing' called autism I'd heard about god knows where. My son was 8 months old. And to be honest its very rare that I will read an article regarding autism in the DM and think bollocks.

I hope some of this helps you. :)

Tamaboy, I did not realise that you could refuse being discharged by SALT. Just to update, I spoke to his key worker this morn & she is going to get hima referral ( she is a lovely person) & said it may be quicker this way than via GP. What do you think ,should I still see GP ? She said it would be for a ped psychologist. Did u have similar experiences ? How is ur DS responding to treatment ? Sorry for all the questions !

CariadsDarling can I ask you what do u mean by "things that concern" you in my post - your making me nervous, by that statement ! Can I also ask you how your DS is now & is he responding well to his treatment ? Sorry if that's too nosy !
I am now beginning to wonder why I did not spot this before. I just thought he was a very sensitive child. He is really sweet at the moment ( I think bcs he likes our new house, town, friends etc), but e can go through periods where he is highly sensitive, or angry etc. Does this sound familiar ? I just thought he was being a toddler.

Thank God he is a very affectionate, sensitive & highly intelligent child, who does want to mix ( he tried to give another little boy a kiss at nursery y'dy !) and he has a good sense of humour,which is why I don't think he has such issues..

My DDs are all of these things but they are both diagnosed with AS. If someone who knows your DS well has raised a concern and there is ASD in your family perhaps you should find out some more reliable information about the condition.

I totally agree with not making any assumptions based on information from a tabloid newspaper but there are good sources of information out there and early diagnosis does help children with ASD.

Goldmandra, thanks for that info abouts ur DC s. His cousin has ASD, so I don't know if that counts. We are investigating this further.

There is a recognised genetic element to ASD so the fact that his cousin has the condition is relevant.

Don't forget that, even if he gets a diagnosis of ASD in the future, your DS will still have all those traits that you value so much. He will still be the same child