Anyone used Warwick Dyer - behavioural consultant? Am really ballsing it up with my 9-year old.

[Tinker]

I remember him from that Channel 4 documentary and wondered if anyone have delved into his techniques in any greater detail.

Am stuck in a cycle of very bad behaviour by both me and my 9 year old daughter and really need to tackle it, consistently.

Too much shouting, ranting (by both of us), she's starting to become violent. Don't know what tactics to use that will be effective. Know I have to change.

Can blame it on hormones (both of ours), new (ish) sister, my exhaustion, her sister's dad is not her dad etc etc etc but in the end, whatever it is, it needs to be tackled, calmly and consistently.

Anyone got any successful strategies for both of us? Thanks

He's the man that uses the pennies IIRC?

We used it for a while with DS2 (and DS1 joined in too), and it was very effective.

Makes them responsible for their own destiny, as they lose a penny for unacceptable behaviour.

Helps the parents as the pennies are a great incentive for the child, and it takes away any power struggle.

I REALLY hope I've got the right person and the right technique here - we've tried a few in our time!

Yes, that's him How old were your kids? How long did you keep it up? If you stopped, did they slip back into unacceptable behaviour?

I bought his e-book - it all makes a great amount of sense. However, dh and I have not quite got round to implementing it yet . We really need to ASAP as ds had another wig out session over the weekend.

IIRC a personal session with him costs around £1500 but check his website. HTH

Thanks. Have been looking at his website today after another blow-up this morning. Yes, his fees are £1850 (to be precise!) Wish I could afford it because I need the push to be consistent. Will download teh e-book

HC, how many pennies did you use per day? Or did you do it per week? I always get bogged down in the detail of these things hence never starting them or doing them properly.

Tinker, if you read the book and fancy trying it togther (as it were), let me know - it could be the incentive/support we both need .

Good idea fn. Yes, too get bogged down in the details thereby making excuses for myself for not tackling it properly, giving me an exit strategy.

Hi, DS1 was 8 (and didn't really need it), DS2 was 6 (and really, really needed it!).

We started with 20p per week.

The first week DS2 lost all of it, pretended he didn't care, but was devastated when DS1 got his 19p!

Second week DS2 lost about half his money.

By about week 5 they were both getting 18-20p per week.

Haven't used it since, although we do now have a swear box (they're 10 and 8 now)!!

OK, let me know when you're ready to start and hopefully in the meantime HC will let us know more details. God knows it would be such a relief for everyone to know where they stand in this house .

Oh thanks HC. How did you keep track of it? Did you have the pennies on you at all times?

Oh, would be good if there are 2 kids so a bit of competition there. Can't really apply it to a 16 month old I suppose.

fn - will let you know. Need to organise my pennies and work out what the transgressions will be...see, procrastinating already.

Right, have prepared my Rules - they are pinned to teh kitchen door. Am sorting out my pennies now!

2 hours into new regime and she's lost 4p already but gping quite well-ish. Next flashpoint will be bedtime.

Go for it, Tinker. Keep calm!

Ah well done Tinker!

One thing I'm not clear about - can they "earn" the money back, or is it gone for good once they've lost it IYKWIM?

What rules did you decide on?

When we did it, there was no earning back of pennies.

But I am very mean and cruel!

She lost a further 3p at bedtime . But, this am, was up before me, hair and teeth brushed, face washed. Quite excited at seeing her next pile of pennies on the mantlepiece.

The rules are:

Wash face, brush teeth and hair in good time for school
No shouting - talk in a normal voice
No hitting/throwing/stropping etc
In bed by 20:30 by teh latest on a school night
Do hoemwoerk as soon as get home
Ummm, more dictatorial ones along those lines

There can be no earning back of lost rewards, Warwick is "astounded" () that parents allow this.

fn - how are you doing

It's still the honeymoon period here though...

Oh, and what can the spend their earned pennies on? I said "No sweets" and she said "Oh well, that's rubbish, who cares then?"

Well done tinker! How much are you giving her a day? We haven't quite started yet...

Glad to hear it's going well, Tinker.

I agree with Batters - let her spend her hard earned cash on sweets if she wants to. It won't be a huge amount of money, and she'll enjoy nibbling the 'fruits' of her labour!

Oh dear. Just had a meltdown. And she was doing so well. She lost a penny for screaming - and then kept screaming and thrashing around that it wasn't fair. So kept losing more pennies. I didn't raise my voice [polishes own knuckles emoticon] just explained that what was the point of screaming about losing the original penny if it results in losing 5 more! We've just been dancing in the kitchen so she's moved on. Let's see if she can at least not get into negative figures tonight

fn = 15p per day (was all I could find at first)

Ok, so sweets are approved of. She'll prob only have 50p at this rate