Anyone used Warwick Dyer - behavioural consultant? Am really ballsing it up with my 9-year old.

[Tinker]

I remember him from that Channel 4 documentary and wondered if anyone have delved into his techniques in any greater detail.

Am stuck in a cycle of very bad behaviour by both me and my 9 year old daughter and really need to tackle it, consistently.

Too much shouting, ranting (by both of us), she's starting to become violent. Don't know what tactics to use that will be effective. Know I have to change.

Can blame it on hormones (both of ours), new (ish) sister, my exhaustion, her sister's dad is not her dad etc etc etc but in the end, whatever it is, it needs to be tackled, calmly and consistently.

Anyone got any successful strategies for both of us? Thanks

[HumphreyPETERCUSHINGCushion]

How are things today, Tinker?

Been thinking about you.

LOL at "[polishes own knuckles emoticon]"!

[Tinker]

Today ok so far. She didn't switch her bedroom light off this am but I was too knackered to make an issue of it. Out for tea at a friend's tonight so one less flashpoint to contend with

[flashingnose]

Right, I'm counting my pennies as we speak and am going to start it on Saturday, so I'll let you know how it goes. Is it still going well for you Tinker?

Buy it Batters, you know you want to

[Hideehi]

I think "in good time for school" is too vague, you need to give her the exact time she needs to be ready. Sounds great, though keep going you're inspiring me !

[Tinker]

Oh no! Well, "in good time" is working so far. She's testing me a bit at bedtime - wanted to stay up for 2 minutes after 20:30 (used to go after 'You are what you eat') but, no, I was strict. She shouted at bedtime but instead of taking the penny and it escalating into a further row I just reminded her that she'd kept all her pennies taht day and she didn't want to lose any of them now did she? She sulked and shut up. Warwick, no doubt, would tell me that was wrong, a transgression is a transgression, but I did achieve my desired result - her in bed and not shouting and sulking.

Do you have to pay for teh e-book? Not looked properly yet.

Come on fn and batters, get on board. Just in time for all of those flashpoints at teh weekend

[Tinker]

Am 42 on Saturday so will watch out for that one.

[Tulips61]

Found this thread by accident and found it really interesting (and amusing ) and am actually going to start implementing for ds x 2 (have every parenting manual ever written but always sort of find myself tailing off by chapter 3 .....) Haven't the faintest idea who Warwick whatsit is so not sure what the "rules" are but am just going by what your all doing. So, starts with amount at beginning of week, each time transgression from set of rules money deducted? BTW Happy Birthday for tomorrow Tinker .

[PhantomCAM]

Happy Birthday for tomorrow Tinker

[Tinker]

Thank you all. She's lost 3p today already. Have decided to get all Warwicky and tackle the leaving her bedroom light on issue.

[flashingnose]

OK, we've started! 10p per day, all three kids involved - so far so good. We've also done them a short list (with pictures for the little one - start 'em early) showing what they need to do each day - I figured "check the list" is a lot less words than "have you brushed your teeth/washed your face/made your bed/switched your light off etc etc". We'll see how it goes...

Happy Birthday for yesterday Tinker

[flashingnose]

DS and dd1 both lost 1p this morning for mucking around at breakfast - since then, things have been surprising calm and I didn't have to nag anyone about anything either going out of the door or coming back in .

I think the realisation that once the money's gone, it's gone, is sinking in .

[WideWebWitch]

Oh Tinker, I've only just seen this but me too, we're having an awful time me and ds, we're getting on really badly. Will read your thread now, see if I can glean some tips/add anything. I wonder if in our case whether sister's dad not being ds's dad is something to do with it too. I have typed out basic rules on our fridge about getting ready for school/going to bed but still get aggression etc.

[flashingnose]

Spoke too soon - ds lost 7p this morning

I'm hoping that this is the period where things get worse before they get better.

How are things going at your end Tinker?

[shimmy21]

Hi Tinker re the 'in good time' for school thing. I agree it's quite vague and when we tried the same thing with our dss the honeymoon period of ready for school in time wore off fast. So we started to give a deadline time (e.g. hair brushed, face washed, bag packed etc by 8.30) Even then the boys were pretty useless because they just don't seem to be programmed to use clocks! What we have found much more effective is to give a ten minute warning before the deadline. Now ds2 gets ready first thing so he can play until the last moment and ds1 has perfected the art of getting from pyjamas to dresed at the front door in 9mins 59 seconds. But who cares - it works! And the best thing is we actually talk plesently to each other on the way to school instead of sulking or shouting about whose fault it is that we're late - sometimes

[Tinker]

Hello all. Slackened off a bit at weekend and have lost track a bit of how many pennies per day we're losing but think it's about 4 per day. No major blow-ups since last week though. But, I'm being stricter about the toilet flushing and the light off. Will re-think "in good time".

What has been good is that when she pesters me for yet another notebook I can tell her that's what her pennies are for. When she realises what it'll cost, it's suddenly not such good value for money

[flashingnose]

DS really is being "trying" ATM. Thing is, he hates losing pennies but seems unable (or unwilling) to make the connection between his behaviour and having a greatly reduced number of pennies to his name. Am also doing this with dd1 aged 5 and dd2 aged 3 who are on almost the full amount every day which makes ds incandescent with rage. Am happy to play the long game with this one but really hope it works...

[flashingnose]

Despite my tumbleweed effect on this thread, I'll carry on posting in case it helps anyone else .

Breakthrough this morning - ds has worked out that if he gets full 10p's for the rest of the week, he'll have enough to buy some Doctor Who cards (the latest craze round our way). Cue him ready and waiting before it was time to go with everything done, even his light turned off .

[mummydoc]

does anyone else remember the dreadful parents on the original programme - i still get tearful thinking about it, that poor little girl whose mother never touched her or kissed her or said she loved her and the father who let it all happen, no wonder her behaviour was so messed up , but the tecniques are really good, hope everyone is still doing so well.

[Tinker]

Still sticking to it but still losing about 4 to 5p per day. Maybe I need to up pennies to 5ps?

[Tinker]

Sorry, yes, do remember that little girl. Felt sorry for the mother though, think she was damaged herself adn at least she came round to see that she was, in turn, damaging her daughter.

[Tinker]

Lost the lot yesterday and 6p already today . Partner suggested just putting a pile of sweets on mantlepiece and taking those away...

[flashingnose]

Sorry to hear things are still tough Tinker. DS seems to have made the connection (touch wood) and fell upon his money this morning with great glee. Is there something that DD is really into - could the amount she could potentially get be adjusted accordingly? I have to say, I'd be tempted to include your 16 month old too, just because I have seen how galling DS finds it to get less money than his sisters.

Keep posting - I really hope there's a breakthrough soon