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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

is it better to keep challenging a bright child, or try to restrain them?

19 replies

maggiesmama · 02/10/2006 10:43

my dd is 3. she is reading and writing. she could count to 50, and knew the alphabet (recognise, and say etc) by 17 months. she was speaking pretty clearly by then too.

my opinion, for what its worth, is that all kids will get there eventually. and that all kids will have different strengths and we should celebrate each child for their individuality. i am academic, and shocking at sport, and, er, dancing - and its looking like she will be too. i have never pushed her, but i am a lone parent and i think one of the reasons she picked all this stuff up is because i talked to her, not to a partner. a fair few people have accused me of 'hot-housing' her, which i absolutely havent.

anyway, the point is, she asks to write and read. but it seems like she is 'ahead' (developmentally, i mean, and only in this sense, and that isnt a value judgement) of the other kids at nursery.

so, the question is, is it wrong to keep feeding her? is there any sense in which its bad for her? i remeber reading here before that its bad to teach your kids to read early. just not sure what to do? does this make sense.

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SenoraPostrophe · 02/10/2006 10:48

no - it's fine to give them stuff to learn if they ask for it imo. It's only bad if you try too hard.

But in answer to the question posed by the thread title - I think neither. Bright children will always find things to challenge themselves (as long as they aren't forced to do boring stuff all the time) and I don't think you could restrain her if you tried! other than with rope of course...

EnidMyers · 02/10/2006 10:50

I think once she can read then she has books to challenge her - you could keep on witht he books but also important to leave her to get bored IYSWIM

colditz · 02/10/2006 10:52

I would try to make sure she gets a broad experience of life - like as well as reading and writing, she does feathert collecting, running about, roly polies, role play withn other children, dressing up, building bricks etc.

I say this only because when I was 5 I could read books for 10 year olds, but I couldn't dress myself!

Original poster

maggiesmama · 02/10/2006 10:53

agreed. actually, i think the biggest shock when i had her (and i realise this is going to make me sound VERY stupid) was never being alone. and i used to like being alone a fair bit. and as a consequence i do leave her to entertain herself a fair bit. and i used to worry about it. but i do think its good for them to learn to entertain themselves, and learn to be bored and so on...

OP posts:

Piffle · 02/10/2006 10:55

this was snap with my ds when he was little
Challenge her, allow her to go whereever she wants developmentally/academically, also try to add some breadth to development, museums, travel, music, drama, dance, riding etc
My ds was also shockingly non sporty, now aged 12 he has started playing rugby at his school and he thoroughly enjoys it.
REading is the cheapest and best entertainment
Go to the library a LOT - cheap and rewarding.

hulababy · 02/10/2006 10:56

Looks like she had the academic side of learning as an interest and, now she can read, let her be challenged by books.

What about looking at other aspects now? You say sport is an area she doesn't seem as ahead in - wy not try and encourage her in this area?
I also agree in looking at the wider picture as well - social skills, independent skills...

And just encouraging her to be a toddler as well - playing, laughing and having fun just being a child whilst she still can before school takes over 5 days a week.

Original poster

maggiesmama · 02/10/2006 10:59

ooh. yes. she isnt, like, a nerd! she plays loads and dresses up and makes pictures and, er, writes her name on my sofa in indellible pen (not joking) and we go to the park loads and so on. she doesnt sit at the table writing all day.

how unusual is she?

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Piffle · 02/10/2006 11:04

You can never really tell until school MM
I always knew that compared to his age group ds was ahead, but did not really correlate it to academic excellence/life success if you see what I mean.
It was not until he had been at school a couple of years that I realised he was more than just a little precocious.

Original poster

maggiesmama · 02/10/2006 11:05

what is he up to now?

OP posts:

NotSoUselessMum · 02/10/2006 11:14

maggiesmama you might be stupid but you're not alone!! I could have wrote that myself!

Original poster

maggiesmama · 02/10/2006 11:16

oh good... it makes me swoon with stupidity. not quite sure what i thought would happen... glad not alone.

how have you, er, managed with it?

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Piffle · 02/10/2006 11:18

He is nearly 13 now, at grammar school
He has always been on primary school G+T register
But at grammar school not yet, although we are told he will be put on in April, mostly due his maths and science ability
He is a pretty special child, not just academically, humourous, kind and fair.
But hideously disorganised...

Original poster

maggiesmama · 02/10/2006 11:19

what is g+t register?

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Original poster

maggiesmama · 02/10/2006 11:19

and, how lovely that he is such a sweetheart. you must be terribly proud.
x

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Piffle · 02/10/2006 11:21

G+T is what schools use for the brighter pupils, its the gifted and talented register - used to be exceptionally able I think.
it's a bit of bollox really at primary school level - but means that their extra academic needs are catered for - extension work etc
Was very important for ds as it means he can remain in his age group, so socially fairer, but do work many years above himself in some subjects
this is at secondary school though.

Original poster

maggiesmama · 02/10/2006 11:24

oh. didnt know that existed. good to know they are trying to allow all kids to work at their own place...

cureent dilemma is which school. she starts next sept, and we are just out of the catchment area for the good school. and the local one is, by all accounts, shocking... really really dont want to compromise her ed. very worrying. am actually condsidering, i am ashamed to say, renting in the catchment area. v worrying.

OP posts:

Piffle · 02/10/2006 11:29

With ds the school I had bought - which had a good rating in 97, went into special measures (ie REALLY bad, sacking teachers, head teacher AWOL, money issues just awful) in late 98, just as I exchanged on my new house next door to it.
I was gutted but had no choice
It was ok - tbh I did so much with him at home, reading, encouraging, he could have gone to school and played all day. He was bored rigid for the first two years though. It was more important that he was happy socially and joinging in and being a kid first and foremost.
It became a bigger worry when deciding secondary schools tbh...

Original poster

maggiesmama · 02/10/2006 11:32

fair point... glad to know hasnt held hiim back.

OP posts:

NotSoUselessMum · 02/10/2006 12:33

My DD is only 14m and I don't know how she is compared to other kids her age. It is difficult at this stage as they all develop different skills at different times don't they? A friend of mine gave birth a week before I did and her daughter did not even stand up when mine was almost walking aided. but she could do things with her hands that mine couldn't.

while she understands loads at the moment, as i also speak to her like she's my best friend - well she is - and 'reads' books to her teddies etc in a language I have not yet understood she only says two words and although she could walk on her own she won't let go of my finger.

in my case it's difficult to compare as we are a bilingual family.

All I can say is that I seem to have been very early in the reading and writing bits and was quite bored at nursery. I was sent to school a year early (at 5 in italy is 6 normally) and absolutely loved it.

I agree to encourage to do the things they like and not force them and also in try to make them experiment various things as that's the way to give them choice and make them discover they're preferences. But I am far from an expert so do not listen to me.

maggiesmama I am okay now. It took me quite a few months to adjust TBH. till 7/8 months I found it very hard. I was so upset with DH for having a bit of time on his own. Thinking about it I do feel very stupid for thinking my DD would have to fit into MY life, but I am sure it's a common mistake. and, I do not think i've recovered from such way of thinking because a part of me believes that when a second will come it'll be a doddle as DD1 will .... wait for it... entertain him/her!!!! am I not pathetic????

I admit, if I do not have an hour on my own a day I become very snappy, so now that I'm back at work P/T I relish the commuting on the tube: I can read and think without any interruptions.

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