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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 year old behaviour

17 replies

Niamhsmummie · 14/10/2014 17:16

Hi all,

I'm wondering if anyone has or has had a 2 year old who behaves impecibly, who has never pushed, smacked or been a little over-enthusiastic when playing with others?

I've been left really upset today after a verbal attack from another mum. My 2 year old daughter pushed her little girl who was sitting on a block at a soft play centre. She didn't do it maliciously or with great force, I think it's more her way of reaching out and trying to instigate play sometimes. The other girl was between 3-4 years and the mother rushed to her straight away, as you perhaps would. I immediately took my daughter to apologise, which she did and I apologised myself, explaining she's only 2 and therefore still learning. The response I received was really rude and nasty, totally lacking any understanding and suggesting i was a bad parent. Apparently no 2 year should do such things, or so I was told, and that by that age they should know not to do it. This lady's little girl has apparently never touched another child, to which I replied she was a very lucky mum and it's a shame we can't all be blessed with angels.

Am I wrong here? Is this something that no other 2 year olds do? I was so shocked by this woman's reaction and very disappointed no-one offered any support...but then maybe I am wrong and this isn't commonplace for children who are still learning??

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TarkaTheOtter · 14/10/2014 17:22

My dd wouldn't push a random child unless they came to steal something from her. She is shy though so maybe that's why.
I wouldn't be particularly surprised at a 2yr old pushing and would only be a bit miffed if it wasn't acknowledged by the parent because I don't like my dd thinking it is ok for other kids to push her. In your situation the whole scenario would have barely registered so I can't believe she made such a big deal about it. Was her dd hurt and so maybe she was a bit curt because she was worried?

WhispersOfWickedness · 14/10/2014 17:35

I think any behaviour is within the realms of 'normal' at 2, tbh
They have been on the planet for such a short amount of time, how can they possibly be expected to have grasped all the rules by then?!

Original poster

Niamhsmummie · 14/10/2014 17:38

No I don't think so. She fell off the block onto a cushioned mat on her bum. Like I said, my little girl wouldn't have done it with any force, she's not very strong! And I really think it was her attempt to instigate play. Obviously that's no excuse and we both apologised as I don't want her to think its acceptable in any way. I would never have not acknowledged it!

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Original poster

Niamhsmummie · 14/10/2014 17:40

This was my thought WhispersofWickedness but then her response was so unexpected that its left me a bit perplexed and wondering if my dd is normal!

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CheeseEqualsHappiness · 14/10/2014 17:40

My dd never did but I thought that was abnormal! Most 2 year olds use this as part of their language. Nothing to worry about and you are handling it well

scratchandsniff · 14/10/2014 17:45

I would say that age two is exactly when they start to test the boundaries and a previously well behaved child might start to do some thing like that. I've noticed DS who is nearly two is a lot less willing to share and will try and push another child away if they try and take or go on a toy he has at soft play. Its how you deal with it that matters, and it sounds like you tried to do the right thing. Just ignore her, I doubt very much that her child has never done anything even vaguely similar.

DeputyPecksBentBeak · 14/10/2014 17:56

My DNiece never did anything of the sort, but my DD does (not actual pushing but she's gone through a couple of pinching/scratching phases). It's all normal isn't it

Dd has, on occasions where I've been watching and she's just been playing nicely, been pushed, pinched and bitten by other children and I've always been pretty laid back about it. Obviously I make sure she's ok, usually followed by reassuring the parent of the other dc that it's fine, these things happen. Because they do! As long as the parent deals with the situation, I don't mind.

teacher54321 · 14/10/2014 18:19

Ds has never hit or pushed another child. But he totally refuses to sit still and join in any sort of 'circle time' or singing activity. Embarrassing when you consider I'm a music
Teacher! Toddlers are totally random. You did exactly the right thing in acknowledging her behaviour. Other mother was mad!

PrincessAnnaOfArundale · 14/10/2014 19:45

DS1 would never have done this and I am afraid I would have thought those who did were 'naughty' or 'undisciplined'. I was a cunt cos then I had DS2 who is a complete terror. He is 2 and doesn't mean to be such a twat but sometimes being 2 means they act like twats. Sorry! Normal!

EmbarrassedPossessed · 14/10/2014 19:56

I think your DDs behaviour is in the realm of normal for a 2 yr old. Your handling of it was absolutely fine as well, and the other mum was wrong to have a go at you.

From my point of view, I'm very laid back about any attacks on my DS from other toddlers as long as the parent who is present acts immediately and apologises for them. If another parent doesn't act or apologise then I take a dim view of the parent, not the child!

Original poster

Niamhsmummie · 14/10/2014 20:23

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the reassurance and feel less stressed about the situation now. You know when you just have a moment where you wonder whether you could possibly have gotten it so wrong?!

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LittlePink · 15/10/2014 11:51

My dd is 2.4 yrs and she quite often pushes, pulls and drags other children with her. Especially the younger ones. Its horrifying to me and I spend most of the time telling her to be gentle and use soft hands and to say sorry etc. Its all in good spirit with her though. Ive told her to speak to the other child and ask if they want to play but she gets right in their face so they instantly back off and cower into their mummy! Shes trying to instigate play and cuddles but she hasn't learnt how to be gentle with her hands yet. I spend a lot of time showing her how to use soft hands by stroking her head softly and asking her to copy on me but the penny still hasn't dropped. Im praying it will soon so the other children will stop being rugby tackled to the floor in the name of a cuddle!

MillionPramMiles · 15/10/2014 13:40

Ask any nursery staff how many two year olds they've seen who have never pushed, hit or bitten another child. Not many and certainly not the majority.

It's normal toddler behaviour (eg because they don't want a toy they're playing with to be taken away from them) and can be addressed by normal parenting tactics ('thinking time', encouraging empathy/sharing etc).

Some toddlers will never hit/push but some toddlers will always give up the toy they're playing with, some won't interact with other children as frequently or confidantly, avoiding conflict. It doesn't necessarily mean they're angelic.

GingerDoodle · 15/10/2014 20:19

Normal, my DD got shoved to the floor my a 3 year old being ceased by her Dad at soft play - i was none to impressed and may have utter 'O for god sake' as i had to clamber up a play frame but I was still polite to the, somewhat abashed father who made his little girl come back (twice!) to apologise as DD was very upset (and rather loud).

MrsDeVere · 15/10/2014 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppyAmex · 15/10/2014 20:36

"That is LEARNED behaviour. I would be expecting SS to be involved. Children don't just bite!"

That's hysterical. Fools.

I was a horrid little biter as a toddler and my mum is a peado psychiatrist with 30+ years experience working with children.

My 2.5 year old largely ignores other children and has never raised a hand to anyone (yet) but she's the most dreadful "repositioner". If someone is in her way or annoying her, she gently but VERY firmly repositions them somewhere else.

It's not great in a softplay or swing park. Working on that, but it takes time. I think you're doing a great job, OP.

strawberrybubblegum · 17/10/2014 21:52

Poppy, that's really made me laugh! My 2yo also repositions, but so far mainly me. Usually when she wants to climb onto the chair/sofa where I'm sitting precisely because I'm sitting there. The first couple of times I thought she just happened to want to sit there and moved (mug that I am!). Now I tell her that 'mummy is sitting there'

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