Constant crying

[suenj]

DD is 8 wks. I can't get her into a routine because 1) I have ADD, 2) DH wakes/goes to work/returns at different times, 3) she doesn't seem to want to !

DD doesn't cry/move/react as described in Baby Whisperer book so I don't know what she wants.

She cries so much & I feel she goes to bed hating me for making her miserable.

She only occasionally smiles for me but she smiles instantly for Granny or Daddy .

I've been trying mother & baby groups but they're all at different times. How can I attend them and get DD to sleep at regular times? Should I stop trying the groups?

She doesn't hate you - she loves you more than anyone in the world!

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She smiles instantly for granny and daddy because she doesn't see them as much as she does you. Don't put yourself down it just takes a while to get a new baby in2 a routine especially when you have another child in the house. I was in a similar situation and just had to stick to a strict routine to start of with eg feeding, naps, etc Good luck it will all work out..eventually!

Also, talk to your health visitor if you think she is crying more than need be - my friend's little one had major crying issues - five hours non-stop most days. Paediatrician said it would eventually settle down and it did at about 14 weeks, something to do with his little tummy struggle to adapt to having to digest milk. He is now the happiest little lad around.

Don't upset yourself thinking that your baby hates you - he is only eight weeks old. You are both still learning about each other. And remember, you are MUMMY - the most important person in the world to him.

Sorry I haven't been much practical help, just wanted you to know that it is scary and damned hard work, but it does get easier eventually. Keep smiling!

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Sue,

I am a first time mum of a five week old daughter, so I might be talking rubbish but here is my opinion.

First throw away the book, the baby hasn't read it and does not know 'how' to behave.

As for mother & baby groups go if you can and have the energy. As it is good to get out the house and my baby seems to sleep better if we have had an outing...but don't feel obliged to go to all of them or even every week, just see how things go.

As for routine for a 2 month old baby does it realy matter ? I think it is nice to have a evening bath, feed, change and cuddle routine but to be honest I have zero routine at the moment for my 5 week old baby and it is going fine.

I just feed and change her when needed and put her down for a sleep every few hours and if she doesn't sleep we have a cuddle/play session and try again later.

Once she is a little older I'll try and get a routine going.

Crying is your baby's only way to communicate, although it is grating at times...there is no hate there, it is your babies way of saying I'm hungry/need changing/bored/tired/other. The problem is finding out which it is ?

Oh and my baby smiles more for my DH than me, I am assumming this is because his face is more interesting and less seen and mine is a constant part of the background.

All the best.

Honey are you ok? I think babies nearly always cry more for Mum than any one else usually because they love you so much and know however much they cry you will still love them. Of course other people are a distration and therefore she will cry less and smile more when thet are about. Eight weeks is young to be trying for set sleep/feed times. Just a pattern of more awake in day than night is an achievement at this age.

Crying peaks at 6-12 weeks as babies become more aware of their surroundings this is a normal pattern. I think this is one of the hardest times as often your partner is back at work and freinds/family are around less than in the very early days, coupled with a baby who will be becoming more demanding and you are still very new to it.

As to whether to attend mother baby groups it's your call if it makes you feel better then they are a great idea, if you'd rather not then stay at home then that's fine too. At this age babe will be learning what life with your family is like so will be quite adaptable . Good luck with it, it is hard work, there is loads of good advice and support on here, do n't be afraid to ask. Big Hugs

My DD is 10 weeks old now and also seemsto cry an awful lot ! We went through a few rocky weeks early on, so think she's just reminding us that she's made it !! Can't complain about the lack of routine and crying as we're lucky to have her. I thank my lucky stars every time she cries. Again, she smiles more for her daddy than for mummy, but I've decided its because he looks funny !!! He also goes to extremes of sticking his tongue out and contorting his face. She obviously thinks he looks funny .

Don't worry about books, we wanted to follow routine from one but couldn't figure it out properly so a new born would have no chance !!

I found my ds would fall asleep when he wanted, wherever I was, but I wasn't bothered particularly about him sleeping in his cot. I figured that I had six months to get him into a routine before I went back to work, but anytime before then, I just followed his lead.

I found the hardest thing to crack (if they don't have colic or something) was working out when ds was tired and how to get him to sleep. Before that, he used to be awake all day and have a massive howling fit in the evening because he was overtired. I generally found ds got tired after about 2 hours max of being awake so started looking out for his tired signs after about 1.5 hours (pulling on his ears, rubbing his eyes, yawning). Spent about a week dedicating myself to his sleeping, before I decided that being stuck in the house and seeing no-one was going to drive me mad anyway!! But it did help because I knew when he was getting tired.

He started developing a more defined routine of his own accord at around 4 months...

Suenj - do your midwife or HV know about your ADD? Is there anyone else you see regularly regarding this (eg GP or counsellor?) It might help to sit down with them and think of specific strategies for you and the baby given your condition. It is hard enough to cope with this stage in the best of circumstances - you should ask for extra support.

Thank you all so much for your words of comfort and advice. DD is currently sleeping off her first immunisation jab and has been a very big brave soldier about it !