Unfortunatly I didnt stand my ground with the phone, I gave it back in the hope he would calm down and leave me alone for a while
I know this will sound very harsh, but this was a major mistake.
If your DS knows that trashing the house and hurting other people will get him what he wants, he will continue to run wild. He needs to know that when you say something you mean it. When he breaks a rule, there is a sanction and that sanction will not go away.
Until you have enough control to withdraw privileges and keep them withdrawn, you have no hope of managing his behaviour. He will continue to set fires, break curfews, trash the house, etc because he knows there is nothing you can do to stop him.
Children might fight boundaries and sanctions but they also need them. They feel safer when the adults caring for them are firmly in control. If he feels able to assert his will over you he will feel insecure and he will keep pushing to try to find the limit of what you will tolerate.
You need to think long and hard about where the boundaries should be and what the sanctions are for crossing them. Then you need to stick to them as if your life depends on it because your DS's future probably does.
Don't give in because he breaks property or threatens people. If necessary, deal with that by calling the police on 999. Stand your ground and keep standing it calmly and logically until he gets the message that there are consequences to his behaviour.
Talk to the school, explain this situation and ask them what they can do to support you. Also consider calling your local Parent Partnership Service/SENDIASS to ask for information and support re the exclusion, professionals who should be involved and support your DS may be entitled to.