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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is this a girl thing? cos its driving me crazy!!!!!!

21 replies

poppiesinaline · 19/09/2006 11:42

DD (6 years) is rude, stroppy, bad tempered, and gives me loads of back chat and cheek. I dont have this problem with DS1. DD is perfectly behaved at school but for me and DH she is a real little madam and this is before all the teenage hormones kick in!!!

I am at a loss to know what to do or how to deal with it. At the moment, she is having lots of time out etc and praise when she is polite and well behaved but it doesnt seem to be working.

Any ideas??? Feel like I need something more drastic.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

magnolia1 · 19/09/2006 11:46

Have my four girls hun and I will have yours lol

It gets worse but there is a lapse inbetween. Eldest was a nightmare from age 6-8 then fine till she hit 10 and getting worse at 11.

Twins are 7 now and 'K' is a real nightmare. 'D' is stroppy but not often thank god.

Original poster

poppiesinaline · 19/09/2006 11:48

does it calm down then before the teenage thing starts? She is driving me nuts.

OP posts:

magnolia1 · 19/09/2006 11:55

Yep it did with eldest but only for a while before starting up again with a vengence

CookieMonster · 19/09/2006 11:59

poppiesinaline, you are not alone. My dd is 5.7 and sounds exactly the same as yours. She does get praise when she's good, but we've given up on the rewards for good behaviour because it simply doesn't work. Instead she has privileges taken away - first level is no chocolate/sweets/ice lollies the next day, second level is no TV the next day, third level (not reached yet) is no TV for a week. This seems to be working reasonably well at the moment and I have managed not to lose my rag for a couple of weeks now!

clumsymum · 19/09/2006 11:59

Actually my ds can get pretty rude and stroppy too (just 7).

I'm afraid I just got really tough just before school hols, treated all cheek with utter zero tolerance (sent to his room, stayed there until he could do as he was asked, behave politely etc.) We had a couple of days when he spent more time in his room than out, but it has calmed down quite a bit (except when he's tired, when he needs to go to his room anyway).

I suspect it isn't a girl/boy thing, it's just some kids are stroppy and cheeky, some are not.

Original poster

poppiesinaline · 19/09/2006 11:59

no miracle cures then???? Thank goodness I only have one

My sister recently watched some old film footage of us all when we were kids and said that DD was a 'mini me' it was spooky. I immediately asked if she meant the attitude, she mumbled something about not being able to remember really...... mmmmm

OP posts:

Enid · 19/09/2006 12:00

a friend of mine (child psychologist) told me that girls are a nightmare between 7 and 9 then they mellow for a few years

Enid · 19/09/2006 12:01

dd1 can be vile when she is really tired or stressed

Original poster

poppiesinaline · 19/09/2006 12:02

CookieMonster - I warned DD this morning that if she carried on she would start to get things taken away and outings cancelled. She did look a bit worried, so maybe thats the way forward.

OP posts:

ParanoidAndroid · 19/09/2006 12:02

My mum just laughs like a drain when I talk about DD's behaviour. DD is 7.5 going on 15. She has just started at middle school, and her buddy who is in Year 6 is hanging around with a bunch of lippy troublemakers so now my DD is also hanging around with them. In the last week and a half, I've had more attitude than I can believe from her! I'm hoping it settles down. I've tried to encourage her to play with her friends in Year 3, but she seems enamoured with the older bunch. Oh well, only a year to go before they leave!

magnolia1 · 19/09/2006 12:04

I got to the stage where if they kept being rude or extremeley naughty (not general sillyness) I gave them lines

It works sometimes but not always, I have tried everything but have found if 'K' is tired or hungry she is much worse.

Dh says it's like living with a miniture me

clumsymum · 19/09/2006 12:11

Magnolia, I've done that with ds too.

"I must not throw toys"

"I must not spit at anyone"

I have a template on my PC, which has the words "I must not " and 10 lines drawn below it.

I can just add the misdemeanor, print it, then he has to sit down and do it.

I don't know why you are embarrassed, It works for ds (haven't had to do one for ages).

He knows it wastes time he could use doing something nice.

divastrop · 19/09/2006 20:45

magnolia-my dp always says to dd1(age 7.5)'u sound just like ur mum' whenever she gets in a strop.
i thought about making dd and ds1 write lines but i thought it would be silly and that nobody else did it.its what they have to do inschool if they do something naughty though.
is it effective?they are nearly 8 and 9 and finding things that work is difficult now.

alicerose · 20/09/2006 14:37

When time outs aren?t working then try having a very grown up chat with your stroppy 6 year old

Give her an opportunity to have a good moan about everything that upsets her. Just listen. Hold back your opinions. It is an exercise to validate her feelings and beliefs.

A lot of what bothers a six year old is perceived unfairness. If she believes she is at the bottom of the family pecking order she won?t be happy and she will act out.

My oldest daughter was very angry about her dad?s good natured teasing. She felt unable to confront dad straight on, but fumed about it endlessly, and flared up at anyone else who joked with her.

She also believed that she did more chores than her sister. Changing the chore router had a big effect on her moods. I guess she felt more in charge if she could pick her chores from a list and change the time when some chores were done. I personally thought all this was quite trivial but as it was trivial to me I did not mind changing it.

This daughter is one who enjoys a good moan. Whether it is about teachers, her sister, or what-ever

I am uncomfortable when people moan. I want to fix-it. I want others keep their complaint to themselves and act cheerful. I had change. I still find it difficult to listen to 15 minutes of whinging. But I do it, because it works like a pressure valve. The more I listen the less she rages. I tell her she has a right to her opinions even if I don?t always agree.

frazzledbutcalm · 20/09/2006 20:51

dd1 is 7. def girl thing, she's been v hard work from 2 weeks old!! stroppy, moody, the lot. naughty stair works for some probs but not all. her general attitude is th worst prob. ive started giving pocket money which i give as 10 pences which sit on the fireplace. every time she does something unacceptable 10 p gets put in seaparate pile, when she does something good, even tiny little things, she earns back 10 p. its working but its so hard to keep on top of it 24/7 especially as i have 3 other children. she's the only 1 like this though so dont let it put you off having any more!!

Sparkler1 · 20/09/2006 20:59

I've just added this thread to my watch list.
I have a 7 year old dd with an attitude as well.

magnolia1 · 25/09/2006 22:08

Well lines are not working

Had to stop her and her sister going to brownies and felt awful but had to do it and not back down.

Problem now is that tonight she was even worse so what next??

Kammy · 26/09/2006 16:23

Hi. I'm a bit of a novice at this as I have just started having my 8 year old niece live with us, and she has similar behaviours! I got 'how to talk to kids so they will listen and listen so they will talk out of the library, and it had some good ideas which I have been trying with her (and ds age 5 occasionally)
Without rewriting the book...try not immediately responding to any strop, reflect back what they may be feeling e.g. you sound really angry/ stressed/upset and then listen. If my niece carries on I just walk away and (scream silently) then pick up normally after a few minutes. There is a whole lot of other useful stuff about problem solving and disciplining but I had to give it back. Definately going to buy it for new ideas though. Then phone 3 friends, pour the gin and sit in the garden.

suedenley · 26/09/2006 17:55

Thought long and hard about wether to post on this one or not and most of you probably wont thank me but my dd started this around 5, now coming up 17 and it never got better only nice when she wants something, sorry perhaps if id put her on hrt way back then it might have been a different story

magnolia1 · 26/09/2006 18:13

Thanks Sue!!!!!!
Well today after such a crappy night last night with the twins (age 7) I banned all tv after school and they had to take it in turns being upstairs reading or in the kitchen writing me a story about a child misbehaving and what the parents should do.

They loved doing it which is good but it's not much of a deterent for misbehaving is it

I have also decided to get them both a diary for them to write down everything they want expecially happy and sad thoughts etc...

Rosiehylda · 01/10/2006 19:14

I have a 13 year old and the angel todder at 8 turned into the bad tempered lazy object that hangs around my house today. I don't know where I went wrong, she can be loving and a joy to have around and then snap it's hellcat telling me to *** off etc and then crying and saying she doesn't mean it and is sorry. I have used positive praise, little if any smacking, time out and I am quite strict but she does have friends and enjoy herself and we can have lovely days out togather.I worried about her going off the rails later, although everyone else says what a charming girl she is? I pay a £1000 a month to educate this teenager and I really wonder why, it's not as if I have money to burn.or even to spend? Well at least she'll speak nicely as she collects her giro! Bad day, I gardened and cleaned, my husband who is undergoing radiotherapy managed to garden and do some chores..madam was bored and wanted to play on the Simms..tough apples. She ironed one tablecloth and disappeared and then asked what was for her tea!!!!!!!!!

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