Out of control 2 year old

[mumyandlauren]

Can anyone offer me any advice? My 2 year old Daughter is out of control!!!

Basically, she is so strong minded and willful. I find myself being bossed about by her i.e if I do something she doesn't want me to do she has a tantrum. I have tried everything, the naughty step she just laughs at and wont sit on no matter how hard I try. I have left the room, but she continies it for hours on end.

She also won't go to bed without me being with her until she goes to sleep - which can take hours!

It got worse when she was rushed to hospital as she stopped breathing, we then found out that she is a breath holder and does it when she can't get her own way.

I find it a constant battle of wills and I am starting to find it draining.

My husband works long hours and I work from home too (when she lets me!). And, at the end of the night I find myself being so tierd that I can't even relax!

I was wondering if anyone else has any suggestions as my Health Visitor says to ignore her and don't tell her "No" as she doesn't know what she is doing!

Any advise would be fab...Thanks you!

Oh you poor thing . My nephew had awful tantrums which included breath holding and head butting the walls and floor. Like you, my sister tried the naughty step & it didnt work and neither did anything else. I suggested that she use the holding technique which basically means sitting in silence and holding your child firmly but carefully for the duration of the tantrum so that they cant harm themselves (or anyone else!) You dont make eye contact or talk whilst they are having the tantrum and only then when they calm down. It really worked for her and she also found a great improvement in his behaviour when she put him in a day nursery for a couple of mornings a week. He is now very well behaved - for a 3 year old boy! - and goes to nursery 3 days a week. Good luck .

I had a similar experience. My ds was a 'temper boy' and would not go asleep unless I lay beside him so he could play with my ears. Like idiots we let this carry on for 2 years whilst half heartedly trying to stop it. Which we always stopped 'cos we could not bear the thought of him being sad/ hurt.
Nursery helped a lot, as did football and swimming lessons and re-enforcing and sticking to a firm routine. The rule was - Get him knackered, eat pasta/ bread for tea and then bath and bed.
It took one week of the new regime to work: we wish we'd done it ages ago!
It is hard though, especailly if you'll have to do most yourself. Can't you get a friend to sit with you in the evenings a few times just for moral support?

Really reccomend a strict routine accompaied by loads of positive but consistent boundaries which will be horrendous hard work. If you stick to it though it will work. Why don't you remove all attention by turning your back and absolutley no eye contact until she calms down. My daughter is also highly spirited and can lose control easily. We use a small carpet tile and I tell her that when she is sat on the tile and she is calm I will talk to her but that I don't talk to girls that shout and scream.

Her usual reply now is 'Ok mummy I try. I calm down.' As soon as her bum hits the tile she gets loads of hugs, we discuss the issue and then distract her with something else. However, if I mean NO I never give in I just distract, distract, distract.

Bed time for us was hell too as she had to hold hands ancould take 90 mins some nights. I did slow withdrawal method (no funny thoughts please!).
First she could only hold a finger, then hand on bed then sat next to bed, then at end of bed then near door then outside, then goodnight! Each step took about 3 days with the first being the worst. Again you have to stick to it and no matter how long it takes DONT give in. Remind yourself youare doing it for the right reasons to teach her to sleep independently as a responsible parent (you'll need to do this part 101 times).
Hope it goes well.

Good luck!

Lots of good advice here, I would add that distraction sounds like it would be really key with her; my ds is also strong willed and not a compliant child, he always wants to go his own way in life..I think in many ways it's a good strong character your girl has which will stand her in good stead in her life, but makes her a difficult toddler.

Once you have firmly told her whatever it is you want/don't want her to do, if she is defiant I would try like MAD to distract her (sometimes you need to be theatrical yourself and think up mad things tht you 'think' you see, etc....) also reverse psychology worked a treat with my ds; for example if you want her to put back something she shouldn't have, say to her "I bet you don't know where that goes..I bet you can't reach...." or if you want her to put her shoes on say to her "Oooh, I've decided you're not allowed to weart shoes today"....if she's anything like my DS she will reach for the shoes immediately and you can then theatrically throw your hands up to your face and go "NOOOOO! No shoes today!!!!" etc etc etc

It's just about finding ways to get things done without having to issue 'orders' which this sort of spirited child sees as a red rag!!! Don't take life so seriously, distract and use the reverse psychology rather than locking horns in the battle of wills, which SHE will win because the determination of a two year old like this knows no bounds....

HTH?

Wow...Thank you all for your advice...I don't feel as alone as I did 4 hours ago!!

It is my first time on here and it won't be my last...its so nice to know that there are kind people who offer great advise and support. THANK YOU EVERYONE!

I am going to try the methods that are advised and see what works well....Then I just need to get rid of the dreaded dummy!

Mummyandlauren, in my experience all two year olds are out of control .
It's the age I dislike the most !
My 2 year old turned 3 yesterday and I was rather hoping someone up there would have waved a magic wand and then I would have a non biting, non argumentative, non screaming etc little girl!
It will happen some day, until then you have to be firm, stick to your guns. However much they seem to be struggling for independence and freedom from you they also need boundaries to let them feel save and loved. It's a strange one, but true. Good luck

Can't really add to all that fab advice below cos i'm gonna use some of it myself but just wanted to say i'm right there with you, understanding every word & more!!
And what the hell was your health visitor on about "she doesn't know what she's doin". Cos in my experience they know exactly what their doin and ignoring them just makes it worse, its all about attention,whatever they can get - good or bad. Bless em

we've been through the dummy thing too - again we left it too late (almost 3!!).
YOu've got a fab opportunity with Christmas coming up - loads of fairies/ new babies need dummy so put it under the christmas tree/ up the chimney etc.
we put a 'special sticker' under ds's pillow each night for two weeks, then put in a strip of stickers and that was it!