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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

So he's moved to the big bed....how do we get him to stay in it?!

13 replies

MagicGenie · 12/09/2006 15:29

DS is 20 mo. Good sleeper but can't settle in his cot anymore cos he's too tall.

Happy to get into his "big boy's bed" (been using it for milk and stories for a while) and now rejecting his cot but how do we encourage him to stay in bed?! It's a toddler bed with a wooden rail around it with a small gap for climbing in and out.

He understands the literal meaning of 'lie down, go to sleep' but I feel the routine of giving him his toys, tucking him in and him saying 'bye bye' in response to 'night night' is turning into a game which preceeds him getting out, toddling about and being lead back to bed a trillion times!

Early days so not at the end of our tether quite yet, but feel moving over is being dictated by his size rather than him being 'mature' enough to get what's happening. Maybe he'll just 'get it' eventually?!

Plan to involve him in buying new bedding/cushions to make it feel more like 'his space' but would appreciate other ideas.

TIA

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Judessis · 12/09/2006 15:39

Hi MagicGenie

We had the same with my DS at 20 months - was getting a bit cramped in the cot as he sleeps like a starfish, and we tried the bed, but was a mare as he just wouldn't stay in it and we all got a bit stressed. Went back to the cot, he has had a piullow and quilt in the cot for a month or so as he was finding the grobag too restrive. Then he spontaneously made the decision for us last week by learning how to climb out of the cot (he's now 26months)!! We went straight to the big bed on the basis that if he gets up in the night he can at least put himself back...

Since then (Ok only since Saturday) he has been put back once or twice only - a significant improvement! DH has been bending down to his height and making eye contact and telling him that he must stay in bed and that we are cross with him which seems to work..

So I guess maybe one solution is to beg a cotbet from someone which may buy you a few more months, until he's actually ready, or think about the interactions - he may just be a bit small to get it yet.

Perhaps you could try "boring mummy" when you go back - no eye contact, no speaking just straight back to bed, very quick tuck in and out again as they do on tiny tearaways. I know its hard not to give a quick cuddle while you're in there but it possibly makes it worse!

"his" bedding didn't work with my DS - despite it being Thomas and him loving it!!

alternatively (as was suggested to me by a mum friend) leave him to get on with it in his room (lock the door or tie some rope around so he can open it a crack but not get out as suggested in toddler taming) as he should eventually get bored and go to sleep - although after 1.5 hours when we did this our DS was pushing the bed round the room signing his heart out LOL!!!

Anyway, good luck, let me know how you get on.

Judessis

lpl · 12/09/2006 16:29

My ds forced the issue of moving to a bed when he was 21m by repeatedly climbing out of his cot during the night. tbh it has been a nightmare since that first night in his bed, after the first 3 nights of returning him (it took 2 and a half hours each night) we bought a stairgate and put it on his door. That did work for a while although he would scream when we left the room but he would settle himself usually within 20 mins or so. He then figured out how to climb over the gate so it had to go.

We then had a few months of it taking hours before he would fall asleep, returning him hundreds of times and both me and him crying our eyes out each night. A friend then suggested we use a dog gate which is higher than a traditional stairgate.

It has been in place for a few weeks and has done the trick! ds still cries when we leave the room but settles within minutes and (generally) sleeps through. We have also bought him a new thomas duvet (he used to use a thin cot bed duvet) which certainly keeps him warmer and i feel we are now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I do wonder though whether we will ever get to the stage where he goes to bed and stays there when I leave the room!

MerlinsBeard · 12/09/2006 16:35

stairgate on the door!

lpl · 12/09/2006 16:38

meant in doorway so he can open door and see out but can't actually get out of the room (until he starts to climb the higher one!!)

coderoo · 12/09/2006 16:40

i always stayed wiht mine till they were semi concious hten told themi was oing to get mehting
or left silently

cottagepie · 12/09/2006 17:17

Hi,
I'm new. Been wondering about when to move dd into a bed. She started climbing out of her cot a week ago and yes, I've got a stairgate across the doorway lol. Her cot is a cotbed so not quite a big bed, she's 23 months old and climbs everything including the top of the fireguard.

coderoo · 12/09/2006 18:20

bed

Original poster

MagicGenie · 12/09/2006 18:29

I'd agree...bed!

We haven't had the climbing out problem...thank goodness...but what with not being able to get comfy, he just plain won't go in it now.

OP posts:

cottagepie · 12/09/2006 21:18

Thanks, I thought so too but couldn't remember when I put the older 2 in a bed, 8 yrs between youngest 2.

Toady · 12/09/2006 21:31

We also put a stairgate on her door, mainly because her door is near to the top of the stairs and we did not want her stumbling out all sleepy in the middle of the night and falling down the stairs.

I did sort of debate with myself whether this was mean or not - sort of locking her in - but it has worked out fine - she will sometimes get up and open the door and then puts herself back to bed.

spiker · 12/09/2006 21:51

I had to keep taking DS1 (about 2.2 at the time) back to his bed too, and whichever way I tried it (gentle/bored/firm/incandescent with rage), nothing worked, he thought it was a great game and would be in hysterics for hours. I was really losing it as DS2 was only a month old and I wasn't in good shape. Then I tried just telling him to go back to bed instead of taking him, and it worked instantly! He looked all sad though and I felt a slight twinge that I'd spoilt his fun. Not sure if that would work at 20 months but worth a go.

Sometimes I hear him pottering and I just put my head round the door and tell him it's time for bed now and that works too.

He also like to curl up on a big cushion in his room first sometimes, usually with a cuddle session from me or DH, just after the book reading session. Worth a try? Very calming and a nice transition to sleep. You can pop him into bed when he's nearly asleep. BLackout blinds are also good, especially if they're playing in their room after lights out. But I think the real trick is take the fun out of constantly getting up. Good luck...

Original poster

MagicGenie · 12/09/2006 22:50

Spiker - your description of DS1 is spot on for my DS too!

Update on tonight though....it went well!

Did the usual milk, stories, and teeth-clean. Then gave him a quick cuddle and he soon started leaning away from me to be laid in bed (he does that when he's had enough and wants a bit of 'space' for falling asleep).

Then I did the usual kiss, gave him his toys, tucked him in and said 'night night'...and then shut the door behind me

Made me feel as he cried and shouted for me for a minute...but then climbed into bed and went to sleep

Pondering the stair-gate at the door option...already have one at the top of the stairs.

OP posts:

emjam · 14/09/2006 22:07

Hurrah we too have had a success tonight!
DD is 22 mo and has been in a bed for 3 weeks and we're barely maintaining our sanity.
Was emergency move to move her into bed as her little friend(3) taught her to climb out the cot one night which was then repeated 3 trilion times next night culminating in big fall banging head and vomiting on everything. Now has become yo yo child. she does not tire why is this? Having been waiting in her room til she sleeps, screaming at her to lie down, the time this takes has extended to 3 hrs. I need my evening back so tonight we went for controlled crying at the stairgate. Only took half and hour. And shes in bed!!!!! So beautiful they are (asleep).

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