My 4 year old misbehaving.

[YourShoesAreLovely]

Really don't know where to start... But I am in desperate need of advice!

This has been going on for the past 2 weeks and a half now. The worst thing is that he is doing it in public, take today for an example I took him with me to Sainsburys to do the weekly shop, he picked up an expensive toy thinking I was going to buy it for him when I said no he went into a strop, arms crossed wouldn't move, I had to pull him to make him walk, when we got to the check out he thought it was okay to tell me to "f*k off" call me a "fking btch" then kick me, the sheer and utter embarrassment.

When we got home he decided to pour a whole litre of water on the floor, silly me for leaving the lid off whilst I took a phone call. I told him off and and sent him to his room, I went up and spoke to him and told him his behaviour isn't acceptable and as punishment I took away his iPad, a few minutes later he came into the living room and picked up of the clothes I had ironed and threw them on the floor.

This isn't the first incident that has happened we went to the park on the weekend he pushed a little girl down the slide and hurt her, her parents weren't to happy the same I wouldn't have been if it was the other way round. I also lost a good friend last week because my son pushed her son in the pond.

He does play up now and again but it has never last for this long. I don't think I can put him with him swearing and hitting me and not doing what he is told, for much longer.

He is always well behaved at school and he doesn't misbehave when his Dad is home, he will always go to sleep before he comes home so he won't get told off.

Thanks to those who have given me solutions on how to tackle my child's behaviour.

Best keep him outa Sainsburys

Oh so this is just a huge joke to all of you? And I'm getting accused of being a troll? Get a life, I'll never return to this site full of mothers that are jealous all for a sake of an iPad which costs pittance

Oh please- jealous of an ipad? You really think that is true? Many of us here could afford to buy a hundred ipads but choose not to.

Sorry so late back to this was just watching dd play Frozen Freefall on her iPad. Now where were we?

Please take the advice and ignore the posts that you don't like. When you post on a public forum you will get a range of responses and you won't like them all!

I can laugh because I know the majority of you wouldn't dare try and speak to me the way you have on here, you'd be the first to say that you are calling the police, so please carry on hiding behind message boards, the only place where you have a voice. It's always those who are rude end speak out of place online who see quiet and go un noticed in person. I am not the person who bullied you at school!

who are*^#

Don't let the door hit you up the arse on the way out (typing this on one of the 4 apple devices in my house)

YourShoesAreLovely, don't take it to heart. There will always be posters who doubt or who are rude or who stridently disagree with you. It's a public forum after all, and you asked for comments. Simply ignore and forget about the ones that you don't like, and report anyone who breaks the guidelines.

Why wouldn't we dare speak to you like that in RL? Are you particularly sweary and scary yourself? I can assure you I would because I haven't been rude to you. I've told you the truth.

There's something VERY wrong with your situation and how your child is behaving and you seem to have no awareness of the causes, yet strangers on the internet can see it quite clearly, that's worrying don't you think?

There's something off about how you post. You only seem to care about being offended and arguing with posters who point out the obvious. You then repeatedly utilised the "you're just jealous" argument (last heard in secondary school) and have dwelt on that throughout.

Don't expect your child's behaviour to change any time soon, seeing as you don't seem to actually want to discuss how to change it and seem so ridiculously immature yourself.

(There that last sentence was a bit rude, I will give you that!)

Finally why would we be calling the police? How scary ARE you in RL?

Police wtf....

Do people often call the police after feeling the wrath of yourself.

How extremely worrying and odd your posts are if there are any truth to them that is....

OP, have you considered approaching your HV for some advice? There might be a local positive parenting course you could go to. Lots of Children have lots of outside influences - sweary friends, inappropriate TV, iPads and so on but at the end of the day they need to trust that their parents keep them safe.

I deal with teenagers and more often than not his sort of behaviour is because they in some way feel insecure in their parents ability to keep them safe from harm. Strange as it may seem they need parents to be tough and to give them sound boundaries.

You sound like you care a lot but are struggling to exert your role as parent. Your HV or a SW would be very happy to help.

Good morning Passmethecrisps Thanks for the advice, his behaviour hasn't changed since I posted this, we didn't go out yesterday but need to go out today, hopefully there's no problems fingers crossed

And for all the people that think I'm making this up, I really wouldn't have the time to make something up like this. I am here for advice, not to be called a troll.

Yourshoes- I think there wre several things which made people doubt the validity of your post.

One is the comment "I thought it was essential for every child to own an iPad?" - that sounds sarcastic, or flippant- but was in fact serious? I am still not sure. Whichever it set alarm bells ringing.

You were looking for help in undertanding your son's behaviour and use of horrific language- yet you admit you have " foul mouthed friends" who speak like this.

It doen't take a genius to work out how your son is being affected by this bad influence- and I am surprised you even ask.

Thirdly the comment about "slapping your sone until he wets himself" is plainly sick.

Morning combust22 I didn't mean to come across rude or sarcastic when I said that, sometimes when you type things it doesn't come across too well and people misunderstand.

I was/am still looking for help and advice that's why I have been honest enough to say that his swearing has come from my friends.

And regards to what my partner said, yes it was harsh but I think he said it because he was annoyed and upset at the fact how our son behaved in public, he doesn't like any kind of rudeness. If I was to convert what he said in a nicer way, I would say he meant embarrass him so he won't do it again.

Our son knows how to behave because he doesn't misbehave in front of his Dad or certain other people.

And I also need help with getting rid of the bottle at night.

It actually makes me feel sick seeing you defend what your DP said. So looking at in a "nicer" way he suggests humiliating your four year old to make him behave himself?

Bottle at night? Really? Get him onto a cup for a start at his age and then just stop! He's FOUR.

Go and see your HV and tell her everything you've written here, you and more importantly your son need help pronto!

Your ds swears because you surround him with people that do that.

So sad that your dp advised you to 'slap him until he wets himself'

He is just repeating the behaviour he observes....

What does your ds drink from during the day?

NickiFury I am sorry for what happened yesterday I just felt really intimidated. Like I said before some things come across differently when we type.

Yes that's what my partner suggests. He has a bottle of hot milo before he goes to bed at night which must be put in an advent bottle, I give it to him just for an easier life and to get him to sleep, during the day time he drinks out of a cup or carton with a straw.

"I give it to him just for an easier life..."

And here-in lies the problem. Not just regarding the bottle, but the iPad, the husband, the friends...

If you really want your son's behaviour to change, YOU and only you are going to have to do some things that wont be "easy". Life ISN'T easy, unfortunately.

(Lecture over)

A four year old should not be having a bottle and you are going to have to wean him off it, which will involve some very difficult nights, no doubt. Explain to him that big boys don't have bottles, they have cups, then I would start by going to the shop and letting him choose a new special nighttime cup (maybe a sippy cup?). Let him pick the colour/style/picture on the front. Give him some of the control so he doesn't feel completely out of control having had the bottle taken off him. Hopefully things will go well, but prepare yourself for them being one, huge power struggle. He will probably cry, kick, throw himself on the floor, (swear?)... Just keep calm, stick to your guns and explain to him that you understand that he's sad and angry that the bottle has gone. Just give him empathy and cuddles and ride it out.

Good luck.

(Have you told your friends that they need to stay away from your family yet?)

This is apposite. It's obviously an opinion piece and the pyramid things are a bit odd, but it's an interesting viewpoint imo.

mandbaby Thanks for the advice I will let him choose a cup when we go shopping, it doesn't look like I am going to get out today, he has performed too many times this morning, didn't want me to bath him, so I had to let him to let him do it himself, didn't want to dress in the clothes I put out for him, wanted to pick his own clothes, I let him do all of these things, was planning to go out for a few hours, he refused breakfast this morning, so I told him I am going to need to make him a pack lunch which he refused, knowing him 10 minutes down the road he will be crying he is hungry and wants his packed lunch, he won't eat out so that's not an option. I said let me make you one just incase, he refused this, wanted to bring big toys that are suppose to stay in the house with him in the car, then he'd want me to carrying them around for him once we got out, so I've just left it, I'm staying home, finding his behaviour unmanageable. Going out with him is just a nightmare, just little things such as him saying he wants to wash his hands because his touched something outside, I bring wipes and a little hand wash with me, but he'll insist he wants to go home and wash them in our sink, or will say he needs a drink but wants one from home in the fridge etc!

Haven't told friends and family to stay away yet, I don't know how to tell them.