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Original poster

Struggling with ds (7) moods and tears..

23 replies

readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 21:59

Ds cries all the time. It might be a frustration thing but it's really hard. The noise drives me to distraction.

Any time he's told off, any time I ask him to come in (at 8:30/9pm!!!) I cannot take it anymore.

I asked him to come in and jump in the shower tonight only to be faced with him saying he was starving and it was my fault as he had been outside for hours and he was starving. Fast forward to him coming out of the shower and me asking him to get ready for bed and have a piece of fruit.
According to him this wasn't enough as he needed something bigger and cried for at least 10 minutes. I gave him 10 seconds to stop crying and told him if he wouldn't then he was having nothing.
I'm really struggling with him and dp is away for another two weeks.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry this is so long.

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JoyceDivision · 08/07/2014 22:05

Growth spurt? Tiredness? Hormones? Missing your dp?

There isn't much info in your post, and, everbody has different parenting rules, and none are set in stome as right or wrong, but my first thought was, if you're asking him to com inat 8.30 / 9pm, when is he getting to bed?

Maybe draw back bedtime to an earlier hour, try and focus on some time with you (what does he like, or would do if he wasgetting your full attention, reading? Drawing? something calming to get ready fpr bed)

What time did he haveevening meal and what was it?

Lte in eve, Itry(hard, but i dio try) to putfoul moods down to tiredness or hunger, so feedthem if needbe (toast or fruit) and get them up to bed!

If your ds was saying needed morefood, could you make him cram in a banana orextra sandwich before he plays out?

Original poster
readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 22:10

I know. It is late, but it's a real fight to get him to come in any earlier.

We ate tonight at 6, but he wouldn't finish his dinner and wouldn't take any fruit or anything out with him.

He usually goes to bed at 8. Maybe it needs to go back to this.

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Original poster
readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 22:12

I should probably add, this happens no matter what time of day, just using this as an example.

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JoyceDivision · 08/07/2014 22:15

do you think you could face going hardcore on bedtime discipline?

Maybe lock door if you have got to point that he goes out anyway (there have been a few break ins near ius and handbags pinched from unocked houses so our door is locked anyway), and make him eat a reasonable amount of tea before he is allowed to leave, and take a snack with him.

poss say be home by 7 - 7.30 so can get to bed for 8, if he doesn't come home by that time, no playing out the following day.

You will be the worst mum in the world for a while, but if it is helping your ds in the long run....

apparently because parents set teh boundaries kids push against them as the want to check the boundaries are in place to feel secure!! Hope that helps!!!

edwardcullensotherwoman · 08/07/2014 22:22

Watching with interest as DS (6.5) is similar at the moment - as soon as he can't have his own way he starts crying! Not even proper crying - full on wailing and screaming, it does my head in and I can't even talk over it to try to reason with him.

I assume it's just frustration and part of a phase of wanting to be more independent but not ready to handle the independence they want - happy to be corrected though!

OP, I feel your pain Smile

Original poster
readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 22:25

Well, he has been told he has to be in by 7:30 tomorrow night. So we'll see how it goes.
I don't mind being strict, just felt like I could have relaxed a little with it being summer hols etc.

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Original poster
readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 22:26

Thanks otherwoman. I love your name!!
Glad to see I'm not the only one!

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JoyceDivision · 08/07/2014 22:27

maybe ask at your school if the do a parentingclass. I dooneat the moment,and it os really really useful, it's not had many peopleattend because I thinkparentsseem toassume you only should go if you are a rubbish parent, but that is far from the case,it s about understanding why childrem misbehave,and how you respond to it, how you can becometoo helpfulrather than give the responsibilitiues and things

Definatley worthasking about,ours is a catholic school, and I think it was provided by thediocese but run on school grounds, free, and anyone was welcome toattend

Original poster
readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 22:30

I'm a nursery nurse and have done promoting positive behaviour courses in the past.
It's going to sound like a cop out but I don't know if I have the time.. My partner works offshore and I have ds2 (2) to look after too.
To be honest, I'm just exhausted. Ds2 wakes up between 5/6 every morning so feels like a battle at both ends of the day.

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JoyceDivision · 08/07/2014 22:31

hat's fair enough..is there anyone who can help in eve, even if to deal with ds2 while you deal with ds1 (and make you a cuppa after?)

starlight1234 · 08/07/2014 22:33

I have a 7 year old. I still think they need the 5 minute rule. let them have a warning it is time to come in.

I do get this less and less. I find I send him to his room straight away I refuse to listen to a word he says. If he is out and does this I tell him for every minute I have to listen to him crying he will spent 2 minutes in his room.

At the minute we are having conversations about becoming a junior and expectations of how to behave and deal with it.

If he cries every night when he comes in. Give him the warning but tell him he won't go out tomorrow if he cries everytime he comes in.

I also think he is also probably tired. My DS was asleep by 8. I send him to bed to read for 1/2 an hour before bed so he can get up and down with all the nonsense he needs to tell me without disturbing his sleep

Original poster
readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 22:33

Yeah there are people who help out.. I'm not alone. It's just non stop.

Sorry think I'm maybe just having a moan/feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks for listening

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Original poster
readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 22:38

I like that, for every minute I have to listen to it 2 mins in his room.
Think I'll steal that one.
Looks like he's back to normal bedtimes from now on. Maybe he'll be able to 'earn' a later night.
Thanks everyone

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IfNotNowThenWhen · 08/07/2014 22:40

He sounds tired. and hungry. 9 is far too late to be coming in on a school night. Set firmer boundries RE bedtime, as you have said you will, and, if an active normal weight 7 yr old says they are hungry, they probably are.
I have an active 8 yr old, and he has tea at 6, but lately always is "starving" before bed (8-8.30 pm) and has some supper and milk. A growing child needs around 1800 calories a day-about the same as a not particularly active middle aged woman, and school dinners are tiny, so it's not surprising they get hungry often.
I get that it's hard with a toddler as well, but also, maybe your older child is not really getting enough of your attention, so a more relaxed bedtime routine could help. Does the younger one go to bed quite a bit earlier?
Also, I do think 6-7 can be quite an emotional time for children, as , they say, 7 is the "age of reason", when they are starting to think more deeply about things, and feel things like anxiety and fears to do with the world around them. It is hard, but I think practical steps help.
Good luck.

Original poster
readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 22:51

We're in Scotland. He's been on holiday since the end of June.
My toddler is still at nursery three days a week and we have been spending time together.

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Original poster
readyforno2 · 08/07/2014 22:52

My youngest goes to bed at 7

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starlight1234 · 09/07/2014 21:54

How has tonight gone?

Original poster
readyforno2 · 09/07/2014 22:42

Not to great to be honest.
Went for a walk up to the shop earlier 5min walk and it turns out he has been up there with his friends on his own the other day. He knows this is not allowed and I feel like the worst mum in the world as I never knew. When he's playing out, he always (so I thought) stays in the cull de sack or goes into one of the neighbours.
He has been in since this afternoon in his room as I'm too angry, at him and myself to speak to him.
He tried to lie about it but it was one of my neighbours who had been working at the time who mentioned it.
I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm devastated. Obviously not very good at this.

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Original poster
readyforno2 · 09/07/2014 22:43

He realises that he has done wrong though, he went straight to bed with no problems

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Queenofknickers · 09/07/2014 22:46

Please don't beat yourself up. I'm having similar issues with my DSs 8 and 10 and it's bloody hard! And I've done the course! If I find any answers I'll let you know Thanks

Original poster
readyforno2 · 09/07/2014 22:51

Thanks.
It's so frustrating as we actually talked this morning and he apologised for last night. I took him to the mining museum and we had some lovely one on one time
I feel as though he was just telling me what I wanted to hear

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starlight1234 · 10/07/2014 20:00

Just remember some of this is just testing boundaries and what they can get away with

Original poster
readyforno2 · 10/07/2014 21:50

I know. It's just so tiresome

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