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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

an upsetting experience in the park today... 3,5 years old

100 replies

quietus · 03/07/2014 21:15

A very upsetting experience today in the park... or just normal?
I took my 3,5 year old to an open theatre performance and stayed with him to play with other children in the park. I was watching him running around happily and it seemed to me that all was fine. He was running after other children, trying to catch them and do whatever they were doing. When I heard him crying for the first time, I disregarded it as I thought that he fell in the grass by accident. When he cried for the second time I went to see what was happening and saw that children were trying to tell him something. When I asked them what happened, a girl, perhaps a year or year and a half older than him told me that they told him off because they didn't want to play with him. According to her, he didn't want to leave them alone and was bothering them every time they would do something. I told him that we should go somewhere else, but he ran after them only to hear him cry hysterically again and again. Other parents did not react at all. Then the children became openly nasty (when they would think that I wasn't watching), and when I tried to explain to the girl that maybe he didn't understand them because he was smaller and perhaps had some language issues (we moved to this country 8 months ago and he goes to a local kindergarden where everything is OK), she repeated her statement. I could not but to react this time and told her that I wish the day would come when nobody would want to play with her.
Anyway, I picked up my son who was crying hysterically and carried him all the way home. He was so hysterical that he almost started to vomit on my shoulder.

I don't know if this is normal and if children can be so malicious. It is also appalling that no other parent came to see what was happening. If it was my boy, I would clearly instruct him to let other children play with him as well, regardless if they are part of his group or not. Maybe a part of the problem is his inexperience and the kindergarden environment where they teach them that they are all "friends." Sounds nice, but does not correspond to reality.

I am all stressed now even though I know I should not overexaggerate this...

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Original poster

quietus · 03/07/2014 21:48

MrsWinnibago, yes, it was nasty and I feel sorry for it.
Re: Skype. Nobody forces him to chat on Skype, but it is not going to kill him to say hello. Anyway, whenever he comes to the kindergarden or see somebody we know it is expected from him to say hello?

OP posts:

Itsfab · 03/07/2014 21:49

It took a while for someone to say it but I agree with ILoveCorey. Really mean what you said and you were much worse in your behaviour than the children. Is granddad really likely to cry?

pictish · 03/07/2014 21:49

You had no need to be embarrassed...he's 3.

Laquitar · 03/07/2014 21:49

X-post MrsWinnibago.
I agree.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 03/07/2014 21:50

Seriously? Seriously?...

Original poster

quietus · 03/07/2014 21:51

Itsfab, no, he won't cry, but sometimes he doesn't understand why his grandson doesn't want to talk to him, so I have to explain to him as well that he is dealing with a small child :)

OP posts:

imip · 03/07/2014 21:52

I have dcs the ages that you have described and this is normal behaviour. Sometimes they love to include smaller ones, and other times they don't. It has happened this evening with 9 children we had together playing between 2-8 yo. I'm guided by the kids. If they are not going to play nicely, I try to take the smaller one away and play with them.

Kids of the same age an be qually as nasty to each other, sadly... Best hong to do is to protect your child's feelings and play with them seperately.

Frontier · 03/07/2014 21:53

I don't understand how you can try to remove a 3yo several times. If you, the adult, have decided he news removing, surely you just remove him.

It was wrong of the children to be horrible to your son but it was ok for you to be horrid to them, it was ok for him to spoil their game and it was ok for him to continue to bother them after they had asked him and you to stop. Really?

sanfairyanne · 03/07/2014 21:53

Look, you cant go round emotionally blackmailing your 3 year old and saying vicious things to 5 year olds

and if some small children explain that your toddler is ruining their game, take him away

goats · 03/07/2014 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConsideringReconsidering · 03/07/2014 21:54

If you didn't know what was going on then you weren't watching him well enough.

If you knew what was going on then you should have intervened earlier.

If your DS went from happy to hysterical in a few seconds because some children told him to go away, you need to help develop better w skills.

Either way, YABU to blame a group of 4/5 year olds for your parenting fail. And YABVU to say what you did to a small child.

Original poster

quietus · 03/07/2014 21:54

imip, thanks for your advice. I did try indeed to persuade him to go for an ice-cream or something, but he just wouldn't listen and in the end I had to be pretty rough and straight-forward that I won't accept his hysterical behaviour.
In the end he seems to be fine and I am upset.

OP posts:

Canshopwillshop · 03/07/2014 21:55

I think it sounds like normal behaviour for that age group. Kids can be brutal with each other. They soon learn how to deal with it, it's life!

ConsideringReconsidering · 03/07/2014 21:56

*better coping skills

pictish · 03/07/2014 21:57

Oh dear OP, hope you've got your shield up.

Original poster

quietus · 03/07/2014 21:58

goats, nobody shouted.
consideringreconsidering. i was watching them enough. if you see the children running around and catching each other, smiling at the same time you wouldn't think that something is wrong. and as i have said already so many times, i wouldn't let him bother anybody. i am not such a sadist.

OP posts:

Trollsworth · 03/07/2014 21:58

Okay, three year olds are very, very annoying when you are five. They children who didnt want to spend their time with him had already told him so. It is sad, but that is no reason for you to be horrible to a child - you are an adult, what happened to modelling good behaviour?

Other children have their own story, they don't necessarily want to change it.they have the right to choose their friends.

pictish · 03/07/2014 22:00

Trollsworth you make it sound so serious.

Original poster

quietus · 03/07/2014 22:01

Trollsworth, you are very right, and as i said i feel sorry that i took it on the little girl.

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goats · 03/07/2014 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Opinionatedbugger · 03/07/2014 22:02

It's pretty normal. Older kids don't want to play with younger ones but it's still not fair to be nasty because you don't want them to play. This happens on a daily basis round here. I would suggest toddler groups if you want him to make some new friends.

goats · 03/07/2014 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

quietus · 03/07/2014 22:03

goats, i think he has a lot to learn. the first lesson is that not everybody will play with him.

OP posts:

goats · 03/07/2014 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

quietus · 03/07/2014 22:06

anyway, thank you all for your posts, your feedback (even the "negative" ones) help putting things into perspective :)

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