my 2 1/2 year old daughter rules the house !!!

[dylinhalle]

I don't have a clue how to handle my 2 year old daughter, she takes random tantrums brought on sometimes by nothing, she kicks and screams at the top of her voice I'm sorry (even if I go up to her to help her) she screams on the floor for a 'cosy' and wants me to get up go and get her and pick her up.. she constantly does things that she knows are wrong as she hides and runs away, she runs away any time she is not LOCKED in the house ( she can unlock the front door and sometimes runs) . she is sooo clever for a 2 year old and we praise her all the time for the great things she does but when she is bad, 90% of the time she is sooo bad. I have 0 patience any more, I don't want to be around her the second she starts misbehaving I know she is getting bored and needs some playgroup/nursery time, but I need help !!! :) :)

It kind of sounds like she's looking for attention and got into a pattern of getting it by negative means. Maybe try doing more of the things where you can really connect with her - books that let you talk about the pictures, cuddles, treat her to lunch in a cafe, go out somewhere outdoors where there are lots of things to talk about, whatever works best. And physical play, chasing and tickling etc.

See if your library has a copy of this book.

When she throws a tantrum, what do you do?

Sounds like she is after attention. Shut her in her room for time out or something until she behaves, make her apologise and see that she gets attention when she is good. Seems to be a girl thing this, never had it with either of my boys but by god the girls can throw a tantrum.

Please don't shut her in her room and don't make her apologise. Neither will help.

If she's asking for a cuddle while screaming she is asking you to help her calm down. It's fine to do that because it will help her learn to soothe herself as she gets older.

Why do you feel she rules the roost? If you let her have of do things you'd rather not for fear of tantrums you need to stop.

Be consistent and clear about your boundaries. Keep the rules the same all day every day and don't change your mind just because she is kicking off. She needs to know that she can't control you by screaming.

You might find that making a plan for each day helps. Write it the night before when she's in bed and talk her through it each morning then stick to it.

Find some new activities to do with her. Messy play, cooking, den building, gardening. If you go shopping give her a list of her own with pictures of familiar items she can find and put in the trolley. Making your own playdough is really easy and great fun.

Agree with Gold again. Please don't put her in her bedroom. You don't want her bed or her bedroom associated with punishment.

agree with gold as well. give her more love and attention.

I've just realised that I missed out praise.

Tell her every time she does something right. If she does something the first time you ask, thank her. If she sits nicely to eat her tea tell her how proud you are. If she steps over a toy instead of walking on it praise her for being careful.

Highlight all the good and ignore the things you don't want to see more of.

Positive strokes, the most effective strategy.

Maybe your daughter has 'learnt' that when she has a tantrum, she gets what she wants. You need to break this cycle. If she has a tantrum, explain that she is not going to get x,y or z, and then ignore her. She has to learn that having a tantrum will not result in her getting her way. It may be hard at first, but persevere.

The book, Toddler Taming explains it better than me.

Oh dear it is not easy being a parent there are times when i need to just leave the room my DD is coming up to two. I would not advise the naughty step at this stage she will not understand and there have been studies (yes you will always find a study to back up someone's theory) but at this stage in her brain development naughty steps would be longterm more harmful than good. Recenly i read a book called 'Calmer Parent Happier Toddler' i think its by Sarah Ockwell (Jones?) double barrel name, also if you google Toddler Calm or you can amazon it, Basically its provides you with very helpful advice on managing toddler behaviour and your own!! it gives you the toddlers perspective and i have to say it has really changed how i parent and i am happier and my toddler is happier. It helps you to understand Toddler tantrums and i have to say suprised me, i have used some of the tips and changed my perspetive and things have improved, that isn't to say we don't have tantrums but they have lessened and i deal with them better, in addition the book is written by an actul parent of four opposed to Super Nanny or G ford who have never had kids andi think until you do...... its a gentle on you and your child but not permissive book, whilst i don't think anybody has all of the answers after all we are all individuals it did make a difference to us. Good luck and rember if your stressed it will increase your toddlers stress and meltdwns, try andhave alittle time for yourelf if you can. hope this helps