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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

5yr girl 'wiggling' NEED some help please

20 replies

Beckyhendno · 11/06/2014 11:22

Hi, I, a newbie to this but I really need some advise.
My daughter is 5 and ever since she popped out of me she has wiggled, when she was tired.
She is now having issues with it a school. Bright red in the face, sitting in the edge of the chair and - I suppose much to my sadness, enjoying it.
We have tried everything to stop her and the teachers are involved at her school, concerned that if it doesn't stop kids will talk and laugh, but they already have.
I'm at my wits end with it. Yep it's natural and I'm in denial that my 5 year old can have feelings like this. What can I do???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

fledermaus · 11/06/2014 11:23

Bizarre the you feel "sad", but other than that have you tried telling her it's fine to do but only on her own in her bedroom?

Revised · 11/06/2014 11:28

Leave her be. When the talking/laughing starts upsetting her she'll stop. Until then it doesn't matter.

Original poster

Beckyhendno · 11/06/2014 12:35

I can't leave her be when the teacher , doesn't know what to do either? People have already started talking and that saddens me.

OP posts:

Revised · 11/06/2014 12:37

Does the teacher really think it's a problem? i.e. who first raised it as an issue, you or her?

fledermaus · 11/06/2014 12:38

What have you done so far? What boundaries have you set with her?

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 11/06/2014 12:43

Reward/bribery works well every time. If she sits still all day in class, then she can have a xxxx when she gets home.

BarbarianMum · 11/06/2014 13:04

I don't agree. It is up to parents/teachers to teach children social norms. Masturbation is fine in private, not appropriate in public. At this age gentle but consistant reminders would be appropriate.

OP - it is fine for your dd to enjoy the sensation, lots of girls do. And many small boys fiddle too (as I'm sure you've noticed).

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 11/06/2014 13:20

xxx was meant to be "a reward for not wiggling" btw, not a euphemism for having a wank!!!

Original poster

Beckyhendno · 11/06/2014 20:29

It was the teacher now as she is in P1 but nursery said it also.

She had a 'Wiggle' free day today and go a sticker and an Ice cream - fingers crossed it will change.

I get the fact that it's normal. But before I had her I had never know about all this. It's supposed to happen at puberty right?

Thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:

somedizzywhore1804 · 11/06/2014 20:31

I definitely used to do it and enjoy it from the age of about 6 but I got that it was a thing to do in private. You need to reinforce that but don't make her ashamed- it's normal.

Meloria · 11/06/2014 22:02

No, it happens long before puberty and is perfectly natural. If your daughter picks up on the fact you feel "sad" about her doing something perfectly natural, albeit in the wrong place, she'll get a bloody complex about it that will last a lot longer than a couple of five year olds sniggering at her.

Littlefish · 11/06/2014 22:05

It is completely normal and your dd needs to know that. However, she also needs to know that it's private, and therefore, needs to be done in the privacy of her own room.

SirChenjin · 11/06/2014 22:10

I don't have experience of DD doing this - the DSs on the other hand....bloody hell! I just remind them that privates are private (or whatever you want to say), and that if they want to do that then they need to go to their rooms - then distract them with a game or whatever. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a good fiddle, but neither is there anything wrong with stopping them with a gentle reminder followed by distraction.

Good luck

BrianTheMole · 11/06/2014 22:23

Tell its fine to do this, but she needs to do it in private, ie her bedroom. Not sure why you are sad about it? Its perfectly normal.

ninjasuperted · 12/06/2014 08:10

Our 5yo does this, and has done since around the age of 3, i think the advice so far is spot on. We explained that it was totally normal but to only do it in her room, on advice from here. And as far as we know she has stuck to that. Apart from the odd time where she gets sent to her room if she wants to carry on. They don't tell you these things, do they.

Original poster

Beckyhendno · 12/06/2014 10:06

Your right nijasuperted, they don't tell you these things!

I am sad as I have never experienced this before, it has never come up and is a bit of a shock. Kids grow up far too quick and this is real quick.

I will go with the advise, and I certainly don't want her having a complex about it when she is older :(

OP posts:

ZuleikaD · 12/06/2014 10:13

It's completely normal from birth - you don't have to wait till puberty! Tell her it's fine but not for in public. She doesn't have to stop doing it. It's got nothing to do with growing up 'quick' it's a perfectly normal human activity. As well be sad about her eating!

fairylightsintheloft · 13/06/2014 08:38

Its not about her growing up fast because at the moment its nothing to do with sex. I did it from as young as I can remember. Had no idea what I was doing just that it felt nice. I can remember my y2 teacher once telling me to sit still but that was all. Good advice from other posters about privacy - working on this with ds and dd too who are 4 ans 3.

CustardFromATin · 13/06/2014 09:51

My dd started grabbing her bits almost as early as my DSs did - totally normal, I asked my lovely HV and she said that our job as parents was as she gets older to make sure she never felt ashamed but does start to feel aware of what is and isn't appropriate in public. We make it fun and silly but absolute - the same tone as my son gets with 'no willies at the table please!'.

It's nothing to be sad about, she's just a little girl with good awareness of her body - this can be a positive thing as she grows up, so long as she gets the right handling now! Good luck with getting the teachers on side

s88 · 13/06/2014 20:03

I would definately talk to her about it . When I was at school there was a girl in my class who did this upto year 6 ! (age 10/11) and she did get teased quite a lot about it .

She would turn the chair backwards to try and stop people from seeing her do it

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