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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

School refuseniks - I'm dreading tomorrow...

20 replies

fullmoonfiend · 04/09/2006 11:11

He's nearly 9, he has hated school since the day he started, no obvious reason (ie not bullied, reasonably popular, though not universally loved! sociable etc) He is dyslexic, which does make things hard but he gets help.

Back to school tomorrow, and the black dog has descended on the household. Younger ds2 (who thrives at school) has started to ape him and I am just dreading it. He is moody, tearful, sulky and I am worn out with it. I can't think of anything else to say to make him feel better which I haven't already said before. Anyone else go through this every single holiday?

(And if your child has been pleading to go back to school since August, and is already sitting beaming in their uniform, I really don't want to hear about it please...)

OP posts:

fireflyfairy2 · 04/09/2006 11:14

I have started a thread about my dd crying this morning, and it was her first ever day. If it's any help to you, my friends boy was sobbing for about 2 weeks before school. He kept saying he wanted to go to work with his dad and not school. She just told him he had to go

Original poster

fullmoonfiend · 04/09/2006 11:18

Oh first day is so traumatic FF! The irony is mine didn't cry then
But it breaks my heart every year to see the little ones with their arms wrapped round mum/dad's legs, sobbing
But usually in a week, or so they are fine. My nightmare continues, year after year. Sigh.

OP posts:

Original poster

fullmoonfiend · 04/09/2006 13:47

bump - i really want to know if i'm the only one dealing with this And some supportive words, maybe...!

OP posts:

fireflyfairy2 · 04/09/2006 13:49

BUNPING FOR YOU

fireflyfairy2 · 04/09/2006 13:49

buMping even

Original poster

fullmoonfiend · 04/09/2006 14:09

Thanks FF. Either nobody's got this problem, or they're all too busy on the anal thread

OP posts:

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 04/09/2006 14:12

Sam was so bad yesterday knowing he ahd to go back today that Dh didn't dare go to work last night, fearing what might happen . Fortunately the pair of us managed to keep it under control.

I've been trying to give Sam a toolkit of ideas to help him along (mainly of the nobody can read your thoughts, you have to TELL someone when you feel bad variety).

If it's this bad, would a chat with the teachers be a wise start?

Original poster

fullmoonfiend · 04/09/2006 14:30

thanks Peachy. How old is sam?

I don't even know what to say to the teachers anymore. (he has 2 this year, one of whom is apparently lovely and the other is an old dragon, which doesn't help.)

OP posts:

joelallie · 04/09/2006 14:36

My DS#1 cried and clung every morning for 2.5 years! He was OK once I'd left (as I found out when the teacher made me stay so that I could sneak into the classroom 5 mins later to look). I don't know what changed but something did. Wish I could say it was a happy ending but it wasn't - he's 9 too and so similar to the way you describe my DS. He now says he hates school (not helped by last years teacher who was very rigid and obsessed with results and worried about DS's career prospects!). The previous teacher was perfect for him and he flowered with her - here's hoping this years is more like her.

It gets you down doesn't it - knowing that your child isn't having a good time and not knowing how to fix it?

joelallie · 04/09/2006 14:40

Meant to write "and so similar to the way you describe your DS."

I really wish that they would get on and change to 6 term years as they keep threatening to. More frequent holidays would be great as would getting rid of the 6 week holidays - they are too long -my kids get bored at the end and it's long enough that they get unfamiliar with school which makes it more stressful when they DO go back.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 04/09/2006 14:57

Sam is six and a half, just gone into Yr2. His teacher last year really didn't like him and made it clear, although he ahs the senco this year. personally i give it days before it implodes but you know, might be being a bitnoptimistic

poptot · 04/09/2006 15:00

Won't post about my own dc but I do remember my brother being like this, I know it's still a long way to go but he got loads better at secondary school when the oppurtunities and social circle was much wider. Hope this is of some help even though it's a long way off.

nutcracker · 04/09/2006 15:00

Dd2 has been in a bad mood for about 2 weeks now, gradually getting worse as they day draws nearer.

The only thing she is excited about is wearing her new shoes, but that won't last long.

She just doesn't like school, especially the beginning of the term and the end of the terms, it's just more than she can seem to cope with.

She is 6 and going into year 2. As far as we can tell she is not being bullied, not sturggling with her work or anything so I don't know what it is.

54321 · 05/09/2006 12:02

I'm reviving this thread as only just seen it and I'm going through all this worry and upset with my ds. He's 9 and every summer it's the same. 1 week isn't so bad but 2 or more and we go through this all over again. I really feel so much for him. I know he will be ok as soon as we get to school or is 99% of the time but today we have the huge black cloud and there seems to be nothing I can do to help.

54321 · 05/09/2006 12:23

So my house is the only one with an I can't bear going back to school cloud hanging over it today [sad}? How no-one managed to find the magic key to helping such children?

hannahsaunt · 05/09/2006 12:44

Ds1 enjoys school on the whole but throws a strop about going every morning. Is clearly fine once there but lots of drama mainly about having to go every day and only getting 2 days off. Still think we should have longer days - he would easily manage an extra hour to 4.15pm or 4.30pm and then have Fridays off (and would give teachers a pupil free day every week). Better balance of work and home for everyone...shall I start a campaign

Gobbledigook · 05/09/2006 12:55

I definitely agree that getting rid of the long summer holiday could help. It's just a bit too long and the school becomes unfamiliar and frightening again for some.

We only had 5 weeks which wasn't too bad - we have 2 weeks at May half term which is brilliant. For one thing, the weather was glorious -not so in bloody August!

Typically, today is the nicest day of weather we've had in weeks too!

Original poster

fullmoonfiend · 05/09/2006 18:17

Hi 54321, good to see we're not alone!
Well, he whinged and fretted all night last night, was up at 6am fretting and throwing himself around in a strop.
Came out of school full of beans, announced he hates one of his new teachers, and is currently eating everything in the house in a cheerful attempt to have a stomachache for the rest of the week
(''I think I'm more of a weekend kind of person''' he said. Bless....)

OP posts:

54321 · 05/09/2006 19:23

fullmoon . Out of the mouths of babes as they say. Hopefully that will be our home tomorrow but for now I have to go up and try to sooth him again.

marthamoo · 05/09/2006 19:26

Sounds just like my ds1 - also 9. We also had tears last night, and lots more this morning - he went to school red eyed and red nosed. It's not that he hates school; he'd just much rather be at home. Came out at 3pm, I asked how it had been..."fine." I think if asked he'd say he was more of a weekend person too

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