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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

If you had a toddler who was so stuborrn with potty training that NO ONE believed you, please help me!

16 replies

24hourM0MMY · 11/05/2014 16:21

Hi, I have a 3.3 year old who is totally ready for potty training, he tells us he is ready to go, or is about to go, but refuses to high heavan to have anything to do with a toilet or potty. Nothing is working, not cheerios, not bribes, not reward charts, NOTHING. He will wear pants and tell us he needs to pee but will only do it in the bathtub. He has yet to poo anywhere apart from in a nappy. He tells us he is about to do either. He reuglarly wakes up with a dry nappy and pees immediately. I know this because the nappy will be filled with warm pee when I check it. We've been patient, nd have tried methods from all angles. If I say to him he can have lego set if he pees in potty or toilet, he just says he doesn't want one. This is the same response we get if offered candy, chocolate, trips to park, trips to friends', trips to THE ZOO, anything we think he might give in for...he just says he doesn't want it, and therefore doesn't need to pee in potty or toilet.

I don't know what else to do. I'm wondering if it's time to get mean about it.

Any thoughts from those who have had the ultimate-nightmare-potty-training-child?

Please help!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

naty1 · 11/05/2014 16:58

Dont know as dd is only 24m but maybe nappy free in garden so he gets used to going other than in nappy?

winnertakesitall · 11/05/2014 16:58

I would try cooling it for a few weeks. It sounds as if maybe he's a bit stubborn, and has got bored of it! Maybe try again when the weather is warmer, and just let him run round the garden without any pants on, and li
leave the potty out... and wait and see what happens.

Or another approach, tell him at 3.3 he's big enough to go straight onto the toilet instead of the potty, and see if lots of talk of being a big boy works. Maybe lots of encouragement from your DP too- as if he is encouraged to wee like Daddy into the toilet it may be the clencher.

Linskibinski · 11/05/2014 17:09

Cork in the loo bowl, show ds it and encourage him to chase it round with his pee! Get dh to show him the game first. It's gross but makes the loo a fun place rather than a battle ground. I would also stop putting nappies on at night. You may have to put up with a few wet beds but he won't enjoy the feeling as much as peeing in a nappy. It could be a sensory thing too so change the sensation and break the habit. I tried it with my ds he never wet at night again and hasn't since. Good luck!

girliefriend · 11/05/2014 17:14

Tbh I think he has decided this is a good way to wind up mummy so I would get a bit tougher!! I would put him into pants and not go back to nappies. I wonder if some sort of jar with marbles in and for each time he uses the toilet he can put a marble in and each time he doesn't you take one out, would work?

DippyEggNSolders · 11/05/2014 17:18

I got this ladder for the toilet

And a book too (post link in a minute, every time I switch windows I lose what I've written!)

dancemom · 11/05/2014 17:18

Buy the Lego set and leave it somewhere where he can see it, visual incentive is so much better. Also, leave a bowl of chocolate buttons somewhere out of reach and give yourself one as a reward each time you use the toilet?

Trapper · 11/05/2014 17:20

Sounds like a control thing to me. Does your child struggle when they are not controlling the situation with things other than toilet training? I would leave it for a bit and then try again in a month or so. It doesn't sound like you are going to achieve anything this time round.

Best of luck.

soaccidentprone · 11/05/2014 17:20

What about treating him like a baby, as only babies wear nappies, not big boys?

So anything which he does as a 'big boy' he isn't allowed to do as he is a 'baby'.

Or just don't say anything at all. Leave a potty in the bathroom and one downstairs, so one on each floor, then keep him in nappies. Don't say anything about it. If you need to buy any more nappies ask him to choose which ones he would like in the shop. Basically take the battle away from him.

DippyEggNSolders · 11/05/2014 17:25

book

We talked about the character in the book all of the time...every day, more than once before forcing ds1 on the toilet

We skipped the potty and went straight to the toilet but with no pressure.

We had the ladders nicknamed "park ladders" (as in going to the park and climbing up the slide).

We referred to being a 'big boy' etc if he could wee or even just sit on them

We had a reward chart with a sticker just for sitting on the toilet, then for doing a week, then 2 stickers for doing a poo.

On one Friday we said that tomorrow afternoon there would be no more nappies and that as a big boy, it was time he started going to the toilet like daddy. We kept telling him this over next 24 hours, referring to Saturday afternoon when we returned home. He accepted it and we carried on with the above tactics.

It was a combination of everything and him doing things on is terms not ours because he's a stubborn mule

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 11/05/2014 17:29

My ds was like this. In the end I had to make him totally nappy free even at night otherwise he would just wait all day for his nappy to go on. He had a couple of nights of wetting the bed but got the hang of it very quickly and it stopped daytime toileting being a problem too. He has always been an all or nothing kind of child.

I also had to physically make him sit on a toilet in public once - not my finest hour but I could tell he really needed to go, I had forgotten my bag (including change of clothes), my phone and my house keys before leaving and my train home was delayed so I really had no choice. He screamed like he was being murdered but did a wee in the toilet. And I haven't scarred him for life, the hand dryers did that instead.

Kundry · 11/05/2014 17:41

My mum picked a hot summer weekend, removed the nappies and sent me out in the garden naked apart from wellies. Apparently when I realised she was not backing down (and my feet were covered in poo) I was toilet trained in a day But I had driven her completely to the end of her tether.

Swisskissingisbetterthenfrench · 11/05/2014 22:55

I'd leave him in nappies and act uninterested. Can you use a little reverse psychology 'I bet you can't wee in the potty' etc

NameChangeAnon · 11/05/2014 23:09

DD1 was impossible to train. I googled resistance to potty training abduction found a method where you leave it entirely to the child. Toddler led toilet training if you like (TLTT). I would mention the toilet first thing in Teheran morning and then clear away any accidents with no comment, or a mild 'never mind, maybe next time'. She was dry in the day within a week.

Poo took longer and a story about how poo wants to go to Pooland TI be with its friends. A lot of cheerfully waving to poo as you flush.

With her I have to take the battles out of everything.

Dry at night is a separate thing. The body has to make a hormone that slows down urine production. I told her, from time to time, that one day she wouldn't need night pull- nowadays her body would tell her she needed to wake up. One day she announced that she was OK, and apart from a occasional wet beds she was right.

NameChangeAnon · 11/05/2014 23:10

Teheran? Auto crap.

The.

adoptmama · 12/05/2014 04:38

Also try getting one of those toddler seats you put over the seat of the toilet. My youngest would not go on the toilets as she was scared of falling in :) At the same time she was too big to feel comfortable and safe on the potty and we needed to upgrade to a bigger style. She helped chose it and was then much more happy to use it.

Absolutely forbid him to pee in the bath and if he tries to climb in to use it keep lifting him out.

He may well be physically ready to be dry but not psychologically ready to give up his nappies/pull ups etc. especially if you have a baby younger than he is and he equates nappy changing with mum's attention. My youngest was dry for most of the night for ages but still we in the morning if I didn't get the nappy off and her on the toilet straight away when she woke. Other times she would wet just before she woke up. Being dry at night can take a lot longer than getting them dry in the day.

I'd simply take him out of nappies as well during the day if you are sure he is ready and see how it goes over a few days. Most children will have accidents even when ready to go into big kid pants (and go shopping so he can choose some) so have plenty kitchen roll ready :)

Athrawes · 12/05/2014 05:16

This could have been my email 4 months ago! DS (3.10 now) would tell me to get a nappy to put on him so that he could do a poo then tell me to go away and summon me back once he was done.

He wasnt comfortable on the toilet seat - i did use a insert but their wee legs dangle and don't set them up for the correct squat position.

I started with a nappy inside the potty. As soon as we had even the tiniest weaniest poop there were chocolates and celebrations and "I am so proud of you, you are such a big boy".

When he asked for a nappy we would sit him on the loo - encourage trying - and then let him have the nappy once it was clear that he was sitting and having a go. We put a big pile of solid pieces of wood right under his feet to elevate them a bit so that it was more like a squat position.

I was tearing my hair out. I thought he'd never get it!!!

Then one day it happened - maybe he got a bigger bottom and felt more secure?

Probably just "give them time"...

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