2.5 development check didn't go well

[Rokenswife]

Hello! I have a lovely little 2.5 year old boy. He is so happy and laid back, loves counting and taking things apart to see how they work. He can throw and kick, goes up and down the stairs by himself (with me hovering!), has just started to ask where things are etc, feeds himself, sleeps well etc.

But, at the 2.5 developmental check, he wouldn't engage properly with any of the activities....he doesn't really like puzzles and things. He loves drawing but can't do to circle yet. He wanted to look in all the cupboards in the room and open the doors. He wasn't very sure of the health visitor. He doesn't really engage for long at home either....he'll come and play with his stacking cups for a couple of minutes but then he's onto the next thing. This is quite a recent change because he used to sit and look at his books for a while. The health visitor is coming back to do a more detailed assessment with him at the end of the month.
He also seems to have 'fallen off' the height chart.

Meanwhile , I am going out of my mind with worry! Could somebody please reassure me or help me see what it is that the health visitor is thinking could be wrong. She wouldn't tell me! X

Probably not enough to worry about diagnosing and giving a label. Maybe just a mild developmental delay if anything!

I wouldn't get to stressed out about it until they have looked more into it x

I'm really trying not to worry and the silly thing is, I'm a primary teacher 'by trade' so I know in my head not to start labelling etc but it's driving me mad. As they say, a little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing. X

Developmentally he sounds very much like my DS - who seems pretty average compared to his peers to me. He couldn't draw a circle at that age, he barely spoke sentences, he had no idea what you were supposed to do with a puzzle - and he'd have been attached to my leg rather than exploring the room because he's shy in new situations.

he's 3.5 now, and he can draw, he still doesn't get puzzles, he's reached the phase where he won't shut up etc.

Judging a 2.5 year old on one hour, in an unfamiliar environment, with unfamiliar tasks and people is just asking for failure.

The HV is probably trying again just to get a feel for him rather than because she thinks there is anything particularly wrong

Just ignore and enjoy him. My son never sat still for very long at that age (or slept ). I worried about ADHD, but he was just busy and curious. He never drew or did puzzles, too busy pulling apart real things and exploring.

With the best will in the world, the Health Visitor checks are a tick box exercise, so if he wouldn't engage with her she wasn't able to tick enough of her observations. That's probably all it is. My son never managed it, but he's honestly fine. He's nearly 10 now and reliably normal.

My ds wouldn't look, speak or acknowledge the health visitor at all. He spent the whole thing playing with one toy (one of those tables with beads on twirly wires) then threw a tantrum when we had to leave.

Never heard anything back and I wasn't worried as I know what he can do.

When my DS had his not that long ago, all they did was firstly give him a book to see what he would do (he sat down, flicked through it pointing at pictures). He was then given a load of blocks and told to stack them. He got to about 8 before it fell over, and the HV said they hope for them to do 6+. He was then given a crayon and piece of paper, and was left to draw whatever he wanted. He can't draw shapes either. He also only says about 10 words in total, but understands everything he is told.

Our check up seems rather more relaxed than yours, and they weren't concerned really about DS. Just want to see him in 6 months time to see how his speech is then, and it sounds like your DSs speech is fine.

Before this check up, did you have any concerns? Considering the check up isn't that long, the HV is only getting a snippet so I would go with what your gut feeling is telling you.

Thank you everybody, he has always been a tiny bit later than his peers to do things (walked at 17 months) but he always catches up. I thought perhaps my husband and I 'babied' him too much so this week he has dressed and undressed himself (we didn't know he could), walked up and down the stairs holding onto the handrail (we didn't know he could!) and has been doing his shoes up / undoing them (again we didn't know he could!). He's just so happy and has never ever been any trouble at all. He went all the way to Manchester and back in the car (we are south coast) without any problems a few weeks ago.
We nearly lost him to an eye infection called 'orbital cellulitis' in Feb and the four nights in hospital just didn't phase him at all. So really, we are thankful he is here and healthy. X

I did have a niggle about ASD just before Christmas and went to see the HV. Just because he's really into his household objects (prefers to take things apart to see how they work) and was a bit behind with the pointing, waving, etc (does all that now). Doesn't ever have meltdowns, Loves to play games involving knocking on doors and asking who it is. But she said absolutely not because he isn't bothered by thing a like going to a new play group etc, gave her a lovely smile when she said hello and plays games like peepo. She said that because I've had a lot of training in ASD, I'm reading too much into things he does / doesn't do. X

I would say there is no harm in having him assessed. Even just to allay fears. Or to get early intervention if needed.

And she is being really patronising and should not dismiss your concerns.

People here will also reassure as its impossible to know from words on screen what are average traits and what is an issue.

All may well be fine.

But listen to your instincts and push for assessment if you are worried.

Also my daughter loves new playgroups and has severe autism.

With respect she sounds totally clueless.

She also loves games like that and is smiliest girl I know.

Fanjo - having worked with autistic children I would agree with you. She has since failed to spot that my friend's child is on the autistic spectrum.

I must stay away from google!

I know a fair bit about this. How many words would you say he has ? Is he putting 2 together like "mummy car" ? How does he communicate with you ? Copying a circle is neither here nor there IMO. My ds just wasn't interested in pencils until, oh he is still not that bothered tbh he is 10 in the top sets for everything and sitting the 11+ for grammar school.

Rokenswife..don't get too worried..he sounds like he has some real strengths there with pointing etc. Just never hurts to see a paediatrician if you have concerns.

My kid was so freaked out by the clinic he stood at the door and howled "go HOME go HOME" for the whole of his 2.5 yr old check.

Didn't stop her recording that he had "met all milestones" though.

Don't worry too much, it is not an exact science!

Don't they normally come to your house for the 2.5 year check ?

Op don't get stressed, hvs have gone mad in making children into performing monkeys. The questionnaires were designed to be given to the parent or carer for them to observe and make notes etc over a period of days, they were never intended to be a 'test' but this sadly seems to be what hvs do these days. Trust your instincts, if you feel there are areas that you're concerned about then chat to your gp, otherwise, as you were

I told her that he can count to thirty and can also recognise the numbers written down. He also makes separate marks on a page with a biro (oh he wasn't allowed a pen in the check, he HAD to use a crayon) and says a number for each mark.
He has been quite wary of strangers since he was in hospital. I took him to a SALT drop in and the lovely lady said that he IS putting two words together, but sometimes the first or second word isn't very clear. He has around 150 clear nouns and the SALT said that at two, they expect 50 clear words so no problems there.

I was a bit cross because I've since discovered that it is unusual to be called somewhere else for the check. Everybody else has had theirs at home and I wasn't even offered the choice. We were in a small room in the village hall where he goes for our mother and toddler group...I maintain that he wanted out of the room so that he could go and play! X

Yes, we had to go to the clinic for DSs check up, too. Not that it bothered him, as he loves being somewhere new and exploring oh the fun and games that was when he got bored of doing what she wanted and kept legging it to whatever had grabbed his attention. But I recall them coming to visit us for it with DS1, but we are talking 7 years ago now so I assumed things had changed. With DS1, he would of freaked out and probably wouldn't even of looked in her direction in a strange place.

I can only echo what others have said though. If you are at all concerned, then have it investigated. Even if just for peace of mind.

Thanks for posting this thread, this particular gem is cropping up in our lives next week, and it's set me off with the wailing and gum gnashing. DS is 2 yrs 3 months and says a lot of words not very clearly, is generally pretty social but has his moments and sometimes likes to play alone. Awesome hand eye co-ordination and 3d reasoning. Nursery actually do the assessment. Ok, yes, he is a PFB but please hear me out...

I'm dreading it, I'd rather have a filling.

Fatally I've made the schoolgirl error of reading about this assessment, and also about speech delays. I'm not concerned by the way he is developing and nothing about him gives me pause but peoples toddlers getting suggested mild ASD diagnoses from non-specialist qualified people about kids that sound like DS? Hmmm...I really don't think that's cricket at all.

It just feels this checklist of skills and behavioural standards doesn't take into account the variations in kids' personalities, the way they are brought up and other factors. I feel a bit like it's being suggested that I should have been hurling him into social situations, shouting at him more and drilling him in certain key skills than allowing him to develop naturally (with support and encouragement) so that he fits the criteria better. He's been relatively biddable, and we've set boundaries from the get-go but you know...he's 2, they're generally slightly inattentive and intractable at times and we've not followed the Captain von Trapp child rearing methodology so it feels a bit like we're screwed.

These tricky box exercises really get my goat!

Meant to say also sound sensitive at times, but so am I. In fact, according to DM I was a quieter version of DS. I dread to think the plethora of conditions I would have had pinned to me. At that age I had a fear of dirt...

Remember you don't have to have these check ups if you don't want to....I found the whole thing a real box ticking waste of time, and same for most people I know. Don't spend time worrying it and if there's something you are concerned about then just see your gp. The hv here is about as helpful as a chocolate teapot anyway

I'm going to adopt the smile sweetly - try not to punch anyone - ignore approach.