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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I just seem to be saying 'No' all the time

17 replies

PickledEggMobile · 21/04/2014 14:13

Is this normal? Dd is nearly 13 months and into everything. She bum shuffles, doesn't crawl so has her hands free to get herself into trouble.

I constantly seem to be saying no to her or telling her off.

Don't eat the coaster
Don't bang your biscuit on the fireplace
Give me the slippers
Don't hit the cat
Don't touch the oven

It just goes on and on and on.

Will it ever end?!

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 21/04/2014 16:27

It just goes on and on and on.

Will it ever end?!

No.

When you are vigilant it becomes almost as automatic as breathing. Try saying "Stop!" Or address DD by name and say,"Stop (name)" or, "Not for (name)".

smearedinfood · 21/04/2014 16:46

My DS was more mobile but less comprehending, you will learn the power of distraction, like a true Jedi mum.
i think i remember handing him sticky tape just to have a 15 min break where i could sit down. It was worth a roll, I think I had a nasty cold.

Now that DS is 3.5 I am amazing at changing the subject from talking about bogeys to whatever.

Lizzylivi81 · 21/04/2014 18:42

No advice really. Just to say I feel your pain. I get sick of the sound of my own voice somedays. My ds is 1 and a half so understands more but some days he just wants to touch stuff he knows he's not allowed to! Sorry I was no help at all!! X

Original poster

PickledEggMobile · 21/04/2014 19:51

My favourite distraction is a pack of wipes! She loves pulling them out one by one.

It just seems never ending. She's on the verge of walking and now I'm thinking that's not such a good idea!

She went to get my phone off the sofa the other day and as she pulled herself up to it said "No dd"

OP posts:

smearedinfood · 21/04/2014 22:39

About the age of 1 is a really hard stage. They get older, they sleep through and you can ask them to tidy up all of their Lego so they can watch toy story - and wow it is done..

At 1 though you can just pick them up and put them in front of a new distraction.

BertieBotts · 21/04/2014 22:45

You could pick your battles! E.g. out of those you only really need to enforce don't touch the oven and don't hit the cat. She can find out herself that the coaster tastes yuck (especially if you make an exaggerated "Eurgh!!" face/sound to make her laugh - you can remove it if she's damaging it) and that her biscuit will break if she bangs it and it doesn't really matter if she plays with slippers.

For oven I'd just say "Hot! Ouch!" - although they need to know what that means but a controlled letting them touch something not too hot to burn them (e.g. the outside of some ovens, a hot drink cup which is half empty and held firm not to spill, a radiator not turned up too high) they quickly learn what hot means.

For the cat in the end I found it was safer to either remove the cat or sit close to the cat so I could physically prevent rough treatment because he just Did Not Get It that he wasn't a toy.

AGnu · 21/04/2014 22:58

as she pulled herself up to it said "No dd"

I remember that phase! So cute!

DS1 is now 2.5 & has hit the "NO!" phase! Every single thing I suggest gets turned down, even if it's something he does actually want to do. He gets this tragic look on his face & whimpers, "I just can. not. do. it!" Then sidles up to me a few minutes later & sweetly suggests, "Shall I ?"

I'm still constantly having to tell him no. It's even worse now that DS2 is crawling & pulling up on things. DS1 seems to have decided he's a parent too & can regularly be heard telling DS2 to stop doing things. He's rather lacking in gentleness/patience though & has a tendency to snatch things just because DS2 was looking in that general direction! I feel like I have to be monitoring them constantly while pretending not to be so they learn to play together! Until a few days ago I could just tell DS1 to take whatever he wanted to play with & put it on the sofa out of DS2's reach but that doesn't work now that DS2 has suddenly started pulling up & attempting to cruise around the furniture!

It's utterly exhausting but I keep telling myself it's my own fault for wanting 2 close together that it's just a phase & before I know it the only thing I'll be able to say no to them about is putting me in a nursing home!

This, too, shall pass! I hope!

Chocolatestain · 23/04/2014 06:47

I sympathise - this phase can be really tough. DS was walking and climbing by this point so was really getting into everything. It's just natural curiosity rather than 'naughtiness' (and some are more curious than others!). Thinking of it in those terms will help stop it winding you up. I agree with picking your battles. If it can't hurt her and she can't hurt it, then let her explore. Put all precious/breakable stuff out of reach for now.
I think this age is too young for discipline as such, but you can start setting appropriate boundaries with the remove and distract approach. It can feel relentless for a while, bit eventually they get the message. DS totally ignored the word 'no' so I'd have to physically remove him saying something like 'we don't pull leaves of the tree, let's look at this book instead'. When he does things in anger, like banging cupboard doors repeatedly or shaking the fire guard. I take him over to the sofa and say 'it's not ok to bang doors, but I can see you're cross so let's bang some cushions'. DS is a real boundary pusher by nature and this approach seems to work better than shouting 'no' louder and louder.
Hope some of this helps.

Asleeponasunbeam · 23/04/2014 06:55

I try to use the phrase 'not for DS' rather than no (unless an immediate danger - even then I prefer 'STOP'). I say it just as much, but it is a bit less wearing.

I also try to let them do lots of things they do want to do - a safe kitchen cupboard to empty etc.

With DD, we used black duct tape on the cupboard doors so she couldn't open them, but DS doesn't seem so interested in them.

deepinthewoods · 23/04/2014 07:15

I agree with the others- in fact it will get worse before it gets better.
Focus on what she is allowed to do, rather than not. get a fireguard if she is going near the fire.
I had a toddler cupboard in my kitchen, a low one which was full of platic boxes, jugs and bowls, wooden spoons, plastic spatulas, so when I was cooking my toddler could empty and explore the cupboard, bang withthe wooden spoons etc.
Your Dd is exploring, it's not naughty, just very normal. Once she is a little older she will discover lots more interesting things,and explore the bathroom, find the bubble bath and talcum powder, see how much fun Sudocream is on a dark carpet, find out how a rougue marker pen can make lovely squggles on a white door, see how waterproof Mum's phone is or whether car keys will flush away down the toilet.
The list is endless and so much to be done in the coming years...........

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 23/04/2014 09:45

AGnu I had forgotten about the older child 'policing' the younger. Oh my stars the firm voice of authority, the reproving "No, (name)" the tiniest note of schadenfreude wnd even attempts at physical restraint.

And DC2 of course doggedly ignoring much to DC1's discomfiture and jolly well doing it anyway.

A whole new can of worms in other words.

Homebird8 · 23/04/2014 09:54

We used 'hot', 'sharp' and 'pretty' for things not to be touched. There was a phase where he thought his name was DS1name-No though.

Original poster

PickledEggMobile · 24/04/2014 05:10

Thanks everyone this is really helpful. Except for you deepinthewoods

She ate cat biscuits yesterday while my back was turned scraping a plate into the bin. Managed to get the one out of her hand by asking her to pass it to me which she did. She had two more in her mouth that she wouldn't let me near but she eventually spat the out with me saying yucky we don't want to eat cat biscuits. Thought it was because she didn't like the taste until she scooted over to try and get some more!

I'm going to have to be inventive with my ways of saying no. She was singing it in the car on the way home yesterday.

OP posts:

Chocolatestain · 24/04/2014 06:23

It can help to phrase things in a positive rather than a negative way. So for example when DS tries to open the kitchen bin, rather than saying 'no' I say 'lid stays shut' and then let him bang on the kid with a wooden spoon which distracts him. That way it feels more like I'm teaching him how things are done in the Chocolatestain household rather than putting endless limits on what he can do (although obviously some things just need to be a 'no' or equivalent word).

Chocolatestain · 24/04/2014 06:25

Sorry that should have been bang on the lid - I don't let bang kids with a wooden spoon!

BertieBotts · 24/04/2014 08:22

Cat biscuits aren't so bad DS used to eat them too. I ended up feeding the cat on top of the fridge!

smearedinfood · 24/04/2014 19:25

Can you baby gate the kitchen?

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