3.5yr old change in behaviour. Outbursts

[littleraysofsunshine]

She is usually a gentle soul. But lately she has a defiant streak and will scream, shout at me which has put me in tears on a bad day.

She started preschool in jan, and has a 9 week old brother so a lot of changes but it's only just making changes now. Lashes out over a small thing, embarrasses over a small thing, when asked nicely do do something or not do something it's deaf ears, ignorance that I get. Or shouting.

Welcome to the joys of the "threenage" years.

Be strong and don't give in. we have just introduced the "without a fuss" marble jar for flashpoints such as hand washing and gating dressed / undressed.

Good luck.

I'm in the same situation as you littleraysofsunshine! My daughter has always been headstrong but in the last month or so she's started being decidedly unpleasant, I often wonder where my lovely little girl went when but it seems it is just another phase! Just hadn't heard of the threenage years... It does seem that she reacts more when I get angry or wound up by her behaviour so I've tried to keep calm and just wait it out, may well try to introduce a reward jar though!

We have had issues with DS (3.5) for some time. I know it's very stressful and draining for you.

There's a 14m gap between my DS and his sis. I think you can't rule out jealousy and the possibility that she simply cannot express her feelings of frustration / hurt / having to share mum with new baby etc other than for it to be explosive.
What has helped me: doing a free parenting course run by the local council which was SUPERB. I also signed up to a (again free) movement therapy session which was one-to-one with my kids looking at their behaviour together and with me and trying to pick out aspects which caused tension.

I haven't always handled things well and I have learned (sort of) to anticipate what might cause an explosion, to avoid those circumstances and handle them better by giving DS space and affection rather than shutting him out when he has lashed out and been aggressive to me and others. What was interesting from those sessions was the idea that at this age there are emotional situations which they can't deal with very well and that is apparent in their explosive reactions. I was previously a bit impatient and had too high expectations of their ability to cope. Even just little things like expecting them to sit beside each other on the sofa!
Now I try and stay really calm and controlled rather than get angry and it has helped me and -I think -them as well.

I'm not saying at all that you have my issues but was just hoping to share with you as I understand your frustrations and the sheer inexplicability of it all!