What would you do? Monumental tantrum!

[timefortea79]

Just taken DD (3) to get her feet measured, an activity which has been a bit hit and miss since her first pair of shoes. We took a ticket and waited for around 10 minutes to be seen, at which point she flatly refused to have her feet measured. After a short amount of cajoling, and the threat to put back the sunglasses we were going to buy didn't work, we then said 'right that's it, time to go home'. Ended up carrying her all the way back to the car like a wriggling piglet, tucked under DH's arm. Lots of screaming, crying, hitting, 'I don't like you Mummy/Daddy' etc. Ruined what was going to be a nice morning and lunch in town.

This has happened before and I honestly don't know what the best solution to this situation is, if there is one?!

What would you do?

Go to a better shoe shop. My DD would never have her feet measured in high street shops but is fine in little independent stores where the staff just seem to be more skilled.

Do you think that it was the actual measuring that started her off, or the fact that she had to wait for it first? DS1 is a bit unsure with having his feet measured, and if we have to wait he gets himself worked up because he knows what's coming. If we get seen straight away when we get there it's usually over before he gets the chance. We always go away and come back another time if there's a queue...

I'd have been bored waiting ten minutes.

Agree to trying independent. Ours has a massive train going round a special children's room and we've never waited. Plus the shoes are much better quality.

Also if she's always hated having her feet measured can you buy a foot measuring gauge? Maybe some role play at home might help.

She didn't seem particularly bothered with the wait but I get your point about that. I have taken her on my own when it's been quieter with more success in the past. I

t's more how to handle the refusal really and the ensuing tantrum, not just in this situation but any. I always spend too long afterwards questioning what I did and whether it was the right thing to do. Other than remove her from the situation is there another way to avoid the hysteria?!

Trace her foot onto a sheet of paper and take that in. They can measure off that for length and width.
Sounds like she had had enough waiting around, 10 minutes when you are 3 is forever.
As for the tantrum, I let them wash over me, she is still learning how to express herself and chucking a hissy fit is just where she is at in self expression, don't let it get to you. Threats don't work, seeing reason isn't at the forefront of their mind mid tantrum. In the situation you described I would have just walked outside with her for a bit and changed the subject, let her have her say and then calm down again before trying anything else.

Maybe if you looked at the shoes first so she saw something she liked, it might help? Like, "ooh look at these lovely sparkly vomit shoes DD!"

We'd walked through the ladies section first and found some amazing red Kurt Gieger heels which took her fancy....maybe the children's selection just wasn't to her taste?!

"Trace her foot onto a sheet of paper and take that in. They can measure off that for length and width."

That is only a rough guide and doesn't take into account the height of the arch.

I agree wrt tantrums. Try not to stress. Removing from the situation was the best thing to do. I always try to change the subject with dd, which works. Ignore the tantrum and say 'oh dd look at this' she soon forgets what she was moaning about.

I agree. Try your best to ignore the tantrum if it starts. In my opinion you did the right thing and exactly what I would have done. If she can't calm herself down in a reasonable time then she has to be removed. Usually when faced with the threat of going home and missing out on a treat my Dd can snap herself out of it.
She just needs to learn that the behaviour doesn't get her what she wanted and that you are in charge (most of the time). She will, it is a phase.

The exact same thing happened to us yesterday. My son is 2.8 and 98th centile. My poor dh ended up carrying him all the way back to the car kicking and screaming!
I have no constructive advice whatsoever but just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

Thanks for the reassurance, everyone. I do try and let the tantrums pass me by, but when you're in a large department store and she's screaming at the top of her voice you feel like everyone is looking (and judging)...

people will be looking - it's only natural when you hear a commotion to turn and see what's happening...perhaps to check there's no danger. but let them judge if they want to, only you know your situation and DC and she's of an age that sometimes her emotions are overwhelming, it's only natural she''ll tantrum sometimes.

I have a different perspective to PPs; distraction and ignoring don't help my DS (3.2) at all - we had a similar situation in a toy shop recently and I held him gently outside until it had subsided (he was lashing out and trying to run into the road) - it took an absolute age! after some lunch and a walk and a little rest in the pushchair we tried again, telling him that if he had another tantrum we'd be going straight home. I actually don't think he was hungry or tired when we went in, and we'd only quickly dashed into 2 shops so I'm pretty sure it was just having been told no that caused it but the break did us all good.

I think you were right to remove her, its probably easier to handle calmly when you're not inside with all eyes on you plus I think a change of scene is always good.

It would seem that different things work for different families but I think the most important thing is to stay calm so the child has something guide themselves back to...much easier said than done of course!

DS1 was like this, in fact anything like it, shoes, GP, dentist. He just grew out of it in the end. We just went often, tried, if not left. We have a small shoe shop locally and they were fab. You can order measuring kits on ebay if you get desperate.

Maybe she was scared, DS1 was terrified. How about role playing a shoe shop at home, measure teddies feet. Then when you go get staff to measure teddies feet too, if that is all that happens then great, try again another time.

Good luck

Go when it is quiet. Don't even think of making a nice morning of it - grown women may like shopping and lunch but I don't know many 3 year olds that do!