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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Advice wanted urgently

22 replies

Neilsmum · 16/08/2006 10:35

I am a first time mother.My DS is a week old.I knew I had to be prepared for sleepless nights, but my son has kept me awake all night every night.He falls asleep at the breast and hence feeds for a short time during the day.He then wakes up at night and creates a ruckus.He is happy sleeping in bed beside me but the moment I lay him down in his own cot or the Moses basket, he wakes up and lets out ear splitting cries and demands to be fed every 20 minutes.
1)Is he manipulating me or are all newborns similar?
2)How can I make him sleep in the Moses basket as I am not comfortable letting him sleep beside me for fear of smothering him?
PLease help!!

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TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/08/2006 10:37

Newborn babies are NEVER manipulative so forget that straight away

As for the rest, there are loads of knowledgable people on here whom Im sure will be along shortly.

Hes only a week old, it will get easier xxx

JunkInMyTrunk · 16/08/2006 10:39

My dd was exactly the same at the same age.
He's still very little and needs to be close to his mommy....
Give him time and enjoy the time you have with him, he won't be this tiny and cute for long

cazzybabs · 16/08/2006 10:40

Yep - sounds like mine! The only way I could get any sleep was to have them sleep on me - they are only tiny once! And (it will seem like a lifetime away) but it does get better and you will get more sleep! You must sleep during the day - bugger going out, doing anything! Could you put the moses basket in your bed or at least next to it!

Think how scared he must be - all he has known is you and your warmth and now you are putting him to sleep somewhere cold that doesn't smell right.

Oh and the other thing that worked for us was swaddling - we got a blanket with velcro bits!

gigwig · 16/08/2006 10:41

Hello

Please just hang in there - he is so young and tiny, just let him sleep next to you for now. He will then settle into his own routine when a little older and in a few weeks there is time and there will be a routine then, when you can try the basket again.

My DS was exactly the same - crying like mad when put into the moses basket, wanting to sleep next to me. I think many newborns are the same, they just want to be next to their mums.

Piffle · 16/08/2006 10:41

Sympathies
first of al he is not manipulating you, it may feel like it but he is just letting you know what he needs
My ds slept 20 minutes out of every hour for the first 6 weeks of his life and I was nearly suicidal with lack of sleep.
A midwife/post natal nurse helped me space out his feeds to 2-3 hrs making sure he fed well while on the breast, every time he dozed off I was told to break the seal change his nappy etc and then place him back on that breast of change sides.
I co slept but you can get bedside cots that are right next to your bed, that offer a good compromise and reduce the risk of smothering if that is something you are worried about
Can your husband take him for a walk when he gets home so you can get an hour or 2 of rest?

BudaBabe · 16/08/2006 10:46

Would echo the swaddling - it does seem to help some babies.

A friend read a book (but unfortunately I can't remember the title) that basically said that human pregnancies SHOULD be longer (!!!) and that really babies are not ready to be born at 9 months. So to try and re-create as much as possible that warm comfy safe feeling that would remind them of the womb - swaddling can really help this process.

mckenzie · 16/08/2006 10:52

ditto the swaddling advice. And the daytime sleeping. Remember, only essential things need to be done right now and most of those can even be shipped out to a good friend, neighbour or relative.

And keep a muslin close to you as much as possible (over your shoulder, tucked under your bra strap, anything like that) and then when you put DS in his moses basket put the muslin close to him as it will have your scent on it which should give him some comfort.

Hope things settle down for you both.

katesa · 16/08/2006 10:54

Please, please don't assume he is manipulating you - wherever you heard that it is absolute rubbish. He is just used to being inside you and therefore being held and rocked 24/7 - its a big shock being born. My ds2 was exactly the same. Just hold him as much as you can and feed him when he wants to - it will get better I promise it just takes time. If he will only sleep in your bed then let him - there is a thread going at the moment under the sleep topic on safe co-sleeping so have a look - if you do it right you will not smother him. Try carrying a muslin or similar soft fabric tucked into your bra for a day or so and then let him nuzzle into it when you try and lay him down. Also for day sleeps try white noise (extractor fan, static on radio, vacuum cleaner)and swaddling. Best idea is to make no plans for the next few days, leave everything else and sleep when he does. Good luck.

daffodowndilly · 16/08/2006 10:57

Hi Neilsmum!

Agree with everything said so far, my ds was exactly like this and after a few nightmarish nights I decided to co sleep. The best decision I ever made. I know there are pros and cons for co-sleeping but it worked for us. I was very careful and swaddled ds in his blanket away from my bedding. We then settled into a lovely routine and both slept well (altho I spent most of the time gazing at my sleeping newborn ). It wasn't hard to settle him into his own moses basket when he was ready which was quite quickly. You have to do what is right for you though and this precious time doesn't last forlong.

katesa · 16/08/2006 10:59

sorry 4 repetition mckenzie must have ben typing at exac same time

Panyanpickle77 · 16/08/2006 11:13

I always looked at it like this............. Your baby has been growing inside of you for 9 months, and as such has been an integral part of you, feeling your every movement, hearing your heartbeat etc etc. It must be very strange for your baby not to be in the environment they are used too, so naturally they want the next best thing to being inutero....you. I found babywearing really helpful, and co-sleeping made them both settle really well. babywearing

lazycow · 16/08/2006 11:41

swaddling - very good

Also my ds didn't sleep and would get upset even lying next to me or on me so please be happy that he is comfiorted by that. It could actually be worse

Seriously - if he sleeps near/on you try and let him for a while at least. That way you might both get some sleep

JessaJam · 16/08/2006 11:54

A newborn is a totally different creature to a 4 month old, or a 6 month, or a year old...at this age they can't "put 2 and 2 together" to manipulate or even really to 'learn' 'bad' habits so don't worry about doing things now tat you don't really want to get into the habit of - lots of people worry about 'making a rod for their own back' by co-sleeping, feeding to sleep etc...but at such a youn age, I don't think this really an issue.
Great advice on here about trying swaddling (in moses basket or co-sleeping) and baby-wearing etc.
Hang on in there...

jacsmum · 16/08/2006 12:25

I agree with Budababe - the 1st 3 months are really the 4th 'trimester' of pregnancy. The baby's just a little curled up ball wanting to feed all the time. It just about always gets manageable by 3 months, but you need some coping strategies in the meantime, like having somebody else to hold the baby while you rest - even a teenage babysitter will do if you are in the next room ready for any emergencies. Remember that it's really important to get enough sleep so that you feel you can manage as there's a big risk of getting depressed otherwise.

With ds3 I breastfed lying down and then tried to sneak off when he dropped off. A good tip I heard for co-sleeping is to put a barrier at the side of the bed like you use to stop toddlers falling out of bed, then you can put the newborn on that side rather than in the middle and he's less likely to get rolled on. Otherwise, try putting a sheepskin in your moses basket to make it really snuggly.

Don't worry about routines and sleep habits - it's much easier to get babies into good habits when they're about 4 months old and have got over the shock of being born

JessaJam · 16/08/2006 12:28

"Don't worry about routines and sleep habits - it's much easier to get babies into good habits when they're about 4 months old and have got over the shock of being born "

jacsmum just said what i was trying to say but in a much better, less waffly way!

Itsnoteasybeingcheesy · 16/08/2006 12:52

I know exactly how you feel. This is how we got through it :

swaddling - buy a kiddopotamus swaddle robe from ebay (about a tenner).

We let our DD have daytime naps in the babybjorn sling (she is still doing this now at 16 weeks) don't know what we'll do when she gets too big for it!!

I gave up trying to put DD to sleep at 7pm. She slept downstairs on me or Dh whilst we relaxed watching TV.

I had her in bed with me (DH in spare room so lots of space).

She will now sleep in her cot for 3 or 4 hours at a time next to the bed and only wakes twice in the night - I can't believe how much better things are now! Ignore the mums who go on about how their babies slept from 7 till 7 from day 1 they are talking b*llocks. Most people have their children in their bed at some time or other. You just need to do what is best for you and think a day at a time. It does pass quickly and gets better I promise

LoveMyGirls · 16/08/2006 21:44

dd2 was like this i think all new borns are.

try
swaddling
hot water bottle in moses basket for a few mins before you lay baby in (obv take it out)
put something that smells of you and when baby is awake stimulate as much as possible, talk, show books/ toys etc.

and i echo what everyone else has said it does get better. btw i have always put dd2 in her cot for all naps and sleep and she always goes down really well.

make sure the room is dark enough. best of luck to you x

alison222 · 16/08/2006 22:13

I found that putting a t-shirt I had worn all day into the crib so it smelt of me helped, but as others have said newborns are just trying to come to terms with the shock of no longer beign completely cocooned in the womb and the world is a big loud scary place to them.
Hang in there - it does get better honest - otherwise the human race would have ground to a halt a long time ago.

justamum · 16/08/2006 22:35

Both mine hated the Moses basket with a vengeance for the first 6 weeks, i found that swaddling helped or at least holding them whilst wrapped and putting them down in the warm blanket so the weren't shocked by the sudden cold bedding. You won't smother him by co-sleeping anyway, women have been sleeping with their babies for centuries.

as you can probably tell we've all been there and know exactly what you are going through. You'll be ok!

liquidclocks · 16/08/2006 22:40

Hi - I'm one of the first in line to advocate a routine but in your case - chill out! Don't even try yet, your baby is still learning how to be outside. Try and get as much food inside him during the day as you can, and it should eventually fall into place. If he hasn't fed for 3hrs or so in the day it is ok to wake him and see if he's hungry. If he's been awake for more than 2 hrs he will need sleep (this is my golden rolue). We found the biggest cause of our DS's not sleeping at night was that he was overtired and that's something you can start working on now.

Also you can if get your DH/DP/friend to give you a break of around a couple of hours each day it's really helpful. Give DS a feed then get them to take him for a walk/drive (away from you) so you can have a few hours uninterrupted sleep even if it's in the middle of the day - it will help you feel more human!

Hope this helps but do relax - they don't stay like this for long and it really doesn't matter if you become a bit nocturnal for a while - sleep when he does and you'll be ok

MrsMoomin · 16/08/2006 23:12

I totally agree with what everyone has said - DON'T worry about this - it does get better, you just have to hang in there and wait for your lo to get used to the scary world away from his lovely uterus. In the meantime all you can do is try to make his world a little less scary, and if co-sleeping helps you both then do it, and don't worry about smothering him, it's incredibly rare unless you are drunk/on prescription drugs.

All newborns fall asleep at the breast some/most of the time - you just need to keep tickling him and stimulating him so he can take a good feed, and be prepared to let him rest for a few minutes and go back on if necessary. However whatever you do, in the early days feeds will be very frequent (more frequent than a lot of books would lead you to believe) and this can actually be beneficial in helping you build up your milk supply.

You can help your DS get used to his moses basket by using it in the day, and I would echo the t-shirt tip although I found using my dh's t-shirt worked better, as mine smelled too milky and made my ds even hungrier.

Good luck - and honestly you will be amazed, in a few weeks you will look back on this and your baby will be a different creature, smiling, cooing, sleeping longer... just make the most of these early days, they go so fast...

Original poster

Neilsmum · 24/08/2006 20:09

Thanks everyone!!He is now waking up only once at night and is sleeping in his Moses basket.Patience was the key.

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