2.5 DS calling everything stupid including me - how to stop/punish?

[Honesttodog]

looking for advice, how to punish/discipline, which fucking book to read...
DS is being so unpleasant. Grumpy, calling everything stupid, being rude to strangers on purpose by calling everything stupid.

Regularly come close to smacking him over this. Really want to smack him as nothing makes an impact - he does it, I tell him its rude, not nice behaviour, he says sorry and then it happens again minutes later. I have put him on the step, we don't time it but I say come back when he is ready to be a good boy. the problem is that he does it so fucking often that I am bored of reprimanding him. So fucking irritated with him. Have achieved nothing today except get his hair cut, go to storytime, give him lunch and sort some laundry. Now getting ready to pick up dd and enter another circle of hell trying to stop him and DD fighting while I sort their dinner.

PLEASE FUKCIING HELP ME FIND A WAY OF DEALING WITH THIS/

Wow, I would say firstly not to be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you have actually done plenty today - haircut, story time, lunch, laundry, etc sounds like a full day to me.

Also, it sounds like you need to step away from your ds (assuming he is somewhere safe), and take a few moments to take some deep breaths. He's 2.5 - that's still so young. He won't fully understand why it's rude etc, and smacking will certainly not help.

It's just a word - I'm wondering why it causes you to get so wound up and upset. Is it possible that your ds is picking up on this irritation etc which is making him more grumpy? Is he tired/hungry? Are you over tired - maybe you can get someone to take the children for a morning/afternoon to give you a break?

If you're after a book, then I would suggest Toddler Calm by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. It's a different approach to the naughty step/punishment method, but I find a lot of it makes sense.

I'd say stop using the word "punish" right now! He's 2!

You sound worryingly OTT and very aggressive towards him. Maybe you could lower your expectations because it seems to me that they are too high for a child that age.

Are others making comments about it, grandparents possibly?

I would say he says stupid over 50 times a day. So today he has said at story group - stupid baby, I offered ham at lunch - stupid ham, stupid book that he doesn't feel like reading etc etc

it sounds rude and unpleasant and it's because he is trying to sound unpleasant when he is not that person. It is just incredibly tedious to have this over and over again.

He is also grumpy around hungry times but at the moment he gets a bit nuts when he is hungry - so i offered him some ham and a bagel while his pasta was cooking. Instead he threw the bagel on the floor and cried, and cried when I offered him a piece of ham. He had half a bagel mid morning which iwould count as a snack.

He is fight his naps a bit but clearly needed one today, so I read him stories, but he wouldn't sleep in his bed. onlly when I got really cross because he was whinging - due to tiredness - and put him in pram and left him to get ready to go, did he fall asleep. he doesn't like playing alone in his bedroom and I think he struggles sometimes with just chilling on his own because I am usually around. DD was much better at playing on her own in her room, but maybe because she grew up in a smaller house, and DS is at the top of a big house now.

just tired of battling, this phase of naughtiness is just so tiring.

dh and I have noticed, GPs will be coming over this week and will probably comment but I am the one who is dealing with it.

If your child was on the bus and called you or a stranger on the bus stupid, what would you do then?

By punish I mean make him understand that it is not acceptable behaviour.

Sounds like perfectly normal toddler behaviour to me.
THe 'stupid' thing could be part habit, part frustration at not knowing a better word, and part because he knows it gets a reaction from you.
I would try to ignore it as much as possible for a few days - or just a quick 'That's not a nice word, please don't use it', and then move on.
My Dd used to get thoroughly grumpy and horrible if at all hungry - I found 4-5 small meals a day worked better than 3 set ones. She's 9 now and still prone to bad temper if a meal is delayed.
At 2.5, he could well be getting ready to drop his nap - both mine stopped at 18 months so you're lucky! It will take a while for his routine to adjust, so perhaps if he doesn't want a nap, have some quiet time with him and read a story instead, and then an earlier night.
I do not know of any 2.5 year old boys who will amuse themselves for more than 2 minutes so I think you are expecting a bit much of him. Certainly not shut away at the top of the house as you put it. He might play with some cars or bricks on the floor of the room you are in for 5 mins if you're lucky!

I would say "I'm really sorry, he's going through a bit of a stage right now and I do apologise". Then I would get down to his eye level and tell him quietly and firmly that we do not use that word in our family as it's not a nice word. I did that a MILLION times with both my dc.

It's not easy though, I do know that. Try to stop worrying what others are thinking. If they are judging then it's because they've never had a two year old themselves or have forgotten as many middle aged people often do.

At home my dc were put in their room or bed until they were ready to apologise, we didn't have a naughty stair. It was more this behaviour is not acceptable so let's stay away from each other to think about things.

I would really not stress over this. He is two and this is part of the terrible twos. I remember having battles with my two year old about her not wanting to put the seat belt on in the car or wear a coat. Stupid is quite good vocabulary and it could be worse.

If my ds called a stranger stupid or something similar, I would also apologise to them, and then get down to his eye level and say firmly but quietly "we don't call people names". I would then move on and distract with something else.

If the stranger got the hump about it, then that's their problem and I would simply repeat the apology if they continued to make a fuss.

The rest of the time I would completely ignore it, and if he called me stupid, I would make a joke out of it (probably try and tickle him into submission tbh!) and have very little response to it other than that.

This does sound really annoying. More than anything, perhaps you both need a break, can you afford nursery for a couple of sessions or can the gps take him out a few times a week for you? Little children can be, much as we adore them, hard work at times. I just wonder if he's a bit bored and picking up on your tiredness? My dd always behaves worse when I'm tired. Under 3, consequences, reward charts etc probably won't work that well. I would put dd in her room and close door for a few mins if both getting cross.

Really? You want a 2 year old to play alone in their bedroom, not whinge when they are tired, not throw a bagel on the floor & not repeat a word they have heard? The only way to ensure a toddler doesn't say a word is to not let him hear it in the first place.

Sorry, I know 2 year olds are trying (I have one) but you are expecting way too much from him.

Obviously your ds is trying to get a reaction from you, and it seems to be working. I agree with others that "punishments" as such really have no effect on children this age, and your best approach would be to express disapproval and distract him with something else and if he continues, go into another room. If my 2 year old started calling people/things on the bus stupid I would frown and shake my head and probably distract him with a snack or a story or talk about something else.

I certainly would NOT advise making a joke of it, you run the risk of him doing it even more to get a laugh

Thank The Lord it's stupid not poo, or knickers, or bogbreath or equally odd word.

Stupid along with Idiot and similar words were banned in my family.
Get used to saying "we don't use that word in this family" and then ignoring. A naughty step can be used here. The key thing is to not react.

But also key is to give positive attention when he is not using that word.

It also sounds as if he is over hungry. So try to anticipate and offer food before he gets that hungry. Maybe an hour before you think its meal time, give him a snack (bananas are good). Also allow down time, sitting in buggy or even TV if he doesn't positively want a nap.

Good luck!

I have a similar issue with my nearly 3 year old, but with the words being shut up and idiot. We have a similar rule that these words are unacceptable. However with 7 and 5 year old siblings who slip up because kids at school say it and its even in the books they read, and all three being able hear these words in children's television and supermarkets and seemingly everywhere else its not just about the rules in your own house. I want to curl up and die when my DD says shut up and have tried the 'that's not how we speak to each other's routine, but on the whole I would suggest ignore , ignore, ignore and eventually it will go away.