Anger in kids, my DD has dyslexia, emotional and feeling a bit angry -any tips on how to deal with it, please?

[Italiangreyhound]

Our DD is 9 and is very, very keen for a sibling, so she is very excited we have been matched to a boy of almost school age who we will adopt soon.

However, in the last few days DD's behaviour has become very difficult.

I've posted in adoption but did want to post here too to see if anyone has any tips on how to deal with anger and emotions in kids.

It's making me feel very unhappy and I just want to know how to cope with it. I am trying to be very reasuring. She has said stuff about being replaced! Which of course we have said is NOT the case.

I think she knows it but she is very emotional and is feeling quite angry generally. She has dyslexia and is quite young for her age, educationally she is actually very bright, older than her years but her reading and writing are behind where she should be and her behaviour is younger, more like 7.

We are reading a book about anger, have tried all kinds of techniques, I've done masses of parenting courses, I am running out of ideas!

Any tips on how to help her, please?

Can you get her feeling involved with the little boy?
Let her choose a toy for him (and he can do the same for her). Take her out and do something together and mention that he won't be able to do that with you because she's so much bigger and older. (and continue it after as well).

Thanks DeWe - great ideas - any thoughts very welcome. We are trying to do that.

She is dead keen on adoption.

It is how she processes any anger she feels. It is hard to know how to encourage her to do this well.

Hi italiangreyhound:) congrats on the adoption, how exciting!

I think I can relate to some of this (not adoption though) as my daughter aged 8 is similar to how to describe your DD. Mine also has reading/writing issues but is also bright like yours & has difficulties with emotions. She struggles particularly with jelousy.

This is a huge change for your DD, after being the only child for 9 years. She will probably need a lot of reassurance for quite a time to come. I suspect her anger may get a lot worse before it gets better, but as she bonds with her new brother, it will improve Im sure. In the meantime you need to find plenty of time for just her, perhaps set aside a time every w/end that is just for you & her & keep that going for the time being, until everyone is used to the changes.

I find with my DD that nightime when her younger brother is asleep, is a great time to cuddle up with her & just let her talk.

Just giver her time & let her know that its ok to feel angry. She might not really be able to articulate her feelings or be able to understand why she feels that way and that can make a child feel worse, guilty or something. My DD has 'big' feelings, but has great trouble processing them. I find for her, when shes angry, then going upstairs to her own space and listening to her music is really therapeutic. We call it 'calm down time' and she knows its not a punishment, I am not giving her time out, more I'm giving her strategies for self calming. When she's calm, I then give her a chance to chat if she needs it, but I don't push that, I leave it up to her whether she wants to talk or not.

Good luck, I hope it all turns out great. I'm sure it will, but give it all time:)

picnicinthewoods how lovely, thanks for your great post.

Lots of really useful ideas there.

many thanks.

No probs:)

I very highly recommend the books "What to do when your temper flares" (CBT-style workbook to read with your child) and "The Explosive Child" (for parents of children who have emotional outbursts due to lacking the skills they need to cope with life's demands - focus on collaborative problem-solving).

My DS is 7, has ASD amongst other issues, and has huge meltdowns caused by anxiety and frustration. These books have been life-changing for us.

DD is also 9, and very young with it. No dyslexia, but processing difficulties, so school is hard work for her.

She has been dealing with a traumatic past (that we only just found out about last summer) and has anger outbursts as well as inconsolable crying episodes.

She has had some counselling and also found the Dawn Huebner book useful (mentioned above). Drawing & writing songs seem to help a bit. Sometimes I do feel at a loss though. Nothing I say or do seems to help when she is feeling upset.

The listening to music idea is a really good one which might help with DD.