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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What's a good age gap???

12 replies

toddlersmum · 14/08/2006 12:44

My son is a happy 4 year old. I had a miscarriage a few months ago and have decided to wait a while until trying for another. The problem is, i keep looking at him and feeling guilty that he doesn't have a brother or sister. He has many cousins who all have siblings, and i often wonder whether he feels a bit left out because he's an only child. I'd like to try for another baby some time next year, but this would mean that he'd be 5 going on 6 years old. Do you think this is a big age gap? Does anyone have or know of siblings with this type of age gap, do they play together or would they grow up separately with different interests????

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MerlinsBeard · 14/08/2006 12:59

i don't think that there is a way to answer this question without a time machine!

whatever your age gap, siblings will either fight or they will play. Closer togather is easier in that they can play with toys aimed at the same age range (under 3 or 3+ etc)

I would hope that my boys grow up with different interests as well as shared interests (they are 23 months apart) but if you have a girl then interests would be different anyway.

katierocket · 14/08/2006 13:04

There has been lots of threads about this and the general consensus is that much of it is related to personality not age. I have 3 siblings and get on best with my brother who is 7 years older than me. We weren't desperately close growing up but that's kind of irrelevant now.

Original poster

toddlersmum · 14/08/2006 13:09

Thanks Katierocket - thats useful to hear. Mumofmonsters, i can't help but pick up a bit of sarcasm or flippancy here. I'm not suggesting for a minute that I want my children to all grow up with the same interests, what I'm asking for are positive and negative experiences of siblings with varying age gaps to help me make a more informed decision/prepare me.

OP posts:

JoolsToo · 14/08/2006 13:10

the one thats right for you

Original poster

toddlersmum · 14/08/2006 13:11

Also, Katierocket you mentioned that there have been a lot of threads about this subject. Could you point me in the direction of previous threads on this subject if possible - I wasn't sure of the best place to post this thread, and couldn't find anything similar. Many thanks.

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Snozcumber · 14/08/2006 13:14

I agree that it doesn't matter at all.

It's all about personality, there is 6 years between me and my little sister, and we have nothing in common at all, we don't hate each other we are just really different.

However there is 7 years between me and my little brother, and we are as thick as theives, we have the same sense of humour and like the same types of things but we have different interests as well.

It all depends on the children and the parents!

MerlinsBeard · 14/08/2006 13:16

sorry! wasn't meant to be sarcastic or flippant at all just saying that you don't really know what interests your children would have at what given age.

poppiesinaline · 14/08/2006 13:20

sorry to hear of your miscarriage toddlersmum. Dont feel guilty about your DS not having siblings - thats hardly your fault.

My closest sibling in age to me is my sister who is 7 years older than me. We werent close when we were kids but we see quite a lot of each other now and are the closest out of all of our siblings (there are 4 of us). We ended up having our children at the same time which gave us a common interest and brought us together.

You never know what is going to happen in life. Have your next child when you are ready and dont feel bad about your DS. Look at it this way - at the moment he has the best of both worlds - cousins to play with but parents all to himself

katierocket · 14/08/2006 13:26

here are a couple of previous threads which might help. I do know exactly how you feel. It's taken us 2 years to conceive no2 and there will be a 5 year gap between baby and DS. For ages i was obsessed with it but now i'm not too bothered. I've no doubt it largely easier when they're growing up but not necessarily once they reach teenage years and beyond.
here

and here

jacsmum · 14/08/2006 13:36

There are always pros and cons. I hope my 3 boys, now all under 5, will always keep each other company, but at the mo it's a nightmare - so hard to do anything at all, even at home. I've just had to put the 1 yo in his cot so he can't keep destroying his big brother's train track while I'm feeding the 5 month old. If only they were 6yo!

Quannoi · 14/08/2006 19:14

My sister has 3 with no gap bigger than 3yrs between them, and she really regrets it. She struggles to give each the attention they deserve, and she always felt that she'd be able to achieve this more if she'd left a bigger gap, the eldest would be that bit more independent, and so would the middle one etc.

As for getting along, some days they are really sweet with each other, but mostly they just annoy each other.

My bro is 9yrs older than me and my sister is 6yrs older, and the age gaps weren't really a huge problem, although I suspect I really annoyed my sister when she was in her teens and trying to be a grown-up!

My DS is 18.5m and whilst I'd welcome a happy accident at this time, ideally I'd want to leave a gap of at least 4yrs between them to really feel like I can give each the optimum amount of attention at the best time.

lilmamma · 15/08/2006 09:25

I think it doesnt really matter,as your little boy will be able to get involved more,with a new baby and still be old enough to do things himself while you see to the baby.My eldest was 9 before we had no2,he loved the fact he wasnt an only child,and he was really involved with the baby,we had no3, 20months later,that was a busy time as i had two in nappies and worked part time.But they did play together,where as now,hate each other,usual teenage things.had no4 when youngest was nearly five,this was lovely as they were all in school,but once home youngest 5 year old,loved him to bits and played with him,i think its a nice age gap.And as he will be more independent,you dont feel like you are splitting yourself in 2 as at 6 they understand you need to do things for the baby,as with a young toddler as well i found it harder to juggle it all.

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