upset

[not2nitedarling]

Teacher has told me this morning as I took my dd into class that she badly bit a child on Friday. DD is 4 and in nursery every morning. Her gp collected her fri as I was in work. So they waited to tell me this morning. I was then asked if I wanted to meet with the teacher in charge of behaviour. Me, the teacher and the t I c of b met in her office for 20mins .

They are going to observe her this week and note any triggers/ behaviours/other children she is with at the time etc. She goes to nursery plus for 3 afternoons on the school site but nothing actually to do with the school (charity child care provision). We have arranged a meeting for a week on Monday to discuss strategies to nip her behaviour in the bud.....and so that we can all be on the same page and say the same things to her.. am so upset. Feel like it is my fault

How did they handle it at the time? Does she have a history of biting? If this was just a once-off then I feel the school is overreacting a bit.

No idea. they didn't say. No history that I am aware of. She scratched another child's face a while ago but again I was not informed on the day. My dd told me and I asked at school the next day.

All children misbehave sometimes. It's not your fault and doesn't make you a failure as a parent. If she is not making a habit of it then there is really no problem. If she does get into trouble more often then you make a plan with the school on how to deal with it, and you deal with it. That's just part of being a parent, nothing unusual.

Thanks lasting. We have got a meeting set up for week on Monday. All involved will be there to discuss behaviour, possible triggers etc And to work out a behaviour plan for the future..

When my ds1 started school i was called to see the teacher as he had bitten another child. I was mortified and told my son off. Later that evening when I had thought about it i asked why he had bitten. He told me that the other boy had jumped on him and was pushing his elbow into my sons privates and wouldn't get off and it was really painful so he bit him . Fair enough my hubby said I'd of bitten hi. As well. I felt really bad again that I just took e teachers word for it. Find out why she bit could be the other child needs monitoring.

Thanks Peggy. I asked why and it was because another child had snatched the book from her..

At least there was a reason for her doing it. Just make sure she knows that biting / hitting isn't acceptable whatever another child has done, which I'm sure you have explained to her. Beyond that it sounds an overreaction on the school's part unless this is a frequent occurrence. When ds1 started nursery I was taken aback at the frequency of hitting / biting / scratching that went on. Ds1 was upset by it at first as he had previously been to a lovely private creche where that rarely happened and the staff were fab. Put nearly 30 3 or 4yo's together for the first time though and there is bound to be physical behaviour like that to start with. It improved over the first months and there certainly doesn't seem to be any biting going on in Reception. The odd bit of hitting and pushing, which is inevitable. Don't worry too much about it - ds1 is 5yo and has always played really nicely and gently with other children, yet at a birthday party when he was nearly 4yo he bit a child on the arm and caused a bruise! I was mortified and the mum very unimpressed - it has never happened again though!

I don't have much to add, but I can say that kids in nursery do behave in ways which shock us parents. Sometimes I have seen my DD (4) at nursery and I want to cringe when I see how she acts outside of the home. I think, "Really? I made that??!" I am going to go out on a limb and say that I think the nursery experience isn't always a pleasant one for our kids. With my first child (now 12), I saw biters and hitters as 'troubled kids' and judged them harshly. I expected- shock horror- that each child starting nursery would collect their halo and wings at the door each morning. What a fool I was. Bless them though, they are so little still and learning so much! Fast forward to now with a few years of parenthood under my belt (still learning, still trying to keep my head above water) and another child now at nursery, and I find that I view things totally differently. I see the biters and hitters as just kids trying to cope with new social boundaries in a setting shared with 30 other kids. I feel stressed at drop off! All those kids, all that chaos! Imagine how our kids must feel from time to time? Nursery has its great points, but its also a bit of a manic environment. There's bound to be some Lord of the Flies behaviour going on at nursery. Your DC is not some delinquent baddy! She's just trying to cope with learning to be 'at home' amongst her peers. It sounds like this isn't an on-going problem and whether or not it is, you need to find out how she's coping at nursery. She may just dislike being there. That's totally normal. Some kids love nursery, others don't. Trust me, I have my moments when I'm standing there with my kids and my big pregnant belly on a crowded bus, watching some teenager play games on his iphone in the priority seating and I want to bite him for being so selfish and not getting up to let me sit down! :-) But of course, I don't because I'm not 4. :-)

I was so worried that she was badly behaved and it was out of character for her. She can be demanding and not be happy if she doesn't get what she wants(sometimes) but she is kind and funny and helpful and a pleasure to spend time with. But at 4 she is also demanding, frustrating and hard work at times.!! I only have one child and I am 42! She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I am a teacher and am working supply part time so I suppose I felt like a failure and her biting was a reflection of how I am raising her. I know it's not but I was so mortified on Monday. I suppose I forgot how hard it must be to be with a lot of other children and all the school rules and routines for such a little child. She spends all of her time with just me and it is different spending time with your mum than other yr olds!!
Thanks for your replies x

4 yr olds