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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Does your baby have a dummy? Need advice ....

27 replies

Ghosty · 12/03/2004 21:18

S'only me folks!!
Just need a bit of advice re. the dummy thing. We gave DD a dummy a couple of weeks ago because she was very sucky and after having a good feed would bob on and off the breast for ages getting all agitated before chucking up because she had gone and got herself too full ...
At the time we thought it was a really great idea and she seemed really settled and happy.
However ... it has backfired BIG TIME!
The little minx now won't go to sleep without it now and when she dozes off and it falls out she wakes up and howls ... I don't mind during the day but at night after her night time feed I am constantly putting it back in - the last couple of nights it has taken her 2 hours to get back to sleep ...
I have tried to put her back on the breast to settle her that way but she already has had a really good long feed and really doesn't want it ...
So, my question to mummies whose babies have dummies .... Will I be up and down putting the dummy back in forever? I don't mind her having it but I want to know when she will learn to find it herself?
At the moment she is sleeping in our room and so when I put the dummy back I just have to reach into her bassinet but we want to put her in her own room soon so what will I do then?

Thanks ........

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mummytojames · 12/03/2004 21:24

ghosty hw old is your baby because mine was dummy ependan up until we started weening him and then he sarted going off the dummy there is a good chance that this is only a faze shes going through just a little comfort for the night if this has only been happening for a short while i wouldnt panic to much because soon she will go into a deep sleep with out it in her mouth sorry not much help i know but i am talking from experiance

Hulababy · 12/03/2004 21:28

DD wasn't too bad but it doesn't last forever anyway. Once they can find it and put it back in themselves you are okay - can't remember what age that is though.

Original poster

Ghosty · 12/03/2004 21:28

mummytojames ... thanks for that ... the voice of experience is what I need!
She is nearly 6 weeks old ... but it is only now that I am feeling sleep deprived!
Like I say I am happy for her to have a dummy if that makes her happy but I want her to keep it in or not scream when it falls out!
When you say 'wean' do you mean onto solids or onto bottles? I ask because DD is breastfed and I am no where near ready to introduce bottles ...

OP posts:

smellymelly · 12/03/2004 21:29

my DS had dummy till he was 2.5, was happy to give it up then, but for the 1st year I was forever getting out of bed to give it back to him, up to 5 times a night! DD has dummy also now 17 mths, is a pain but is also a godsend to shut her up, they get to an age when they can find them in the night, but I think it is about 2!!!!!!! I end up putting about 5 in the cot. I think if you want to get out the habit, do it now.... and you have to be strong-willed though and never give in.

smellymelly · 12/03/2004 21:32

At 6 weeks though dummies are great to help with colic, and also stops them 'using' your boobs for comfort.....
Some people recommend getting rid at about 9 months I think.
To be honest I couldnt live without them!!

Original poster

Ghosty · 12/03/2004 21:32

Oh now smellymelly That is not what I wanted to hear!! I was hoping it would be about 3 months or something!!
So when you say 'be strong willed and not give it' do you mean I have to let her cry ....?

OP posts:

carla · 12/03/2004 21:33

OK - big confession here - DD1 is 5 and STILL has hers....

Hulababy · 12/03/2004 21:34

DD is 23 months and I can't remember last time IO got up to help her find her dummy. Was months and months ago, although I do always have 2 spares - one in my room on chets of drawers, and one in her room on bookcase - just in case. Honestly, it was before she was a year old - and I am sure quite a bit before that.

We started using a dummy for colic relief too.

Original poster

Ghosty · 12/03/2004 21:36

That's more like it Hula ... phew ...

OP posts:

Hulababy · 12/03/2004 21:38

We were thinking of getting rid of DD's dummy next Christmas - trading with Father Christmas for a special pressie. She'll be 2 years 8 months then.

Hulababy · 12/03/2004 21:40

Good luck with it Ghosty!

DD is 23mo and is now only allowed her dummy for bed time and nap time, and if poorly. No toher time any more now as I personally am not keen on seeing her with it at other times - I think it hides how pretty she is

mummytojames · 12/03/2004 21:45

ghosty 6 weeks of night feeds alone can make anyone sleep deprived and i was talking of weening onto foods because i bottle fed from the begining is there a chance of trying to get her of to sleep without it like useing your little finger and then when shes in a deep sleep try moving your finger out slowly with her still in your arms and see if she can take comfort that way we had to do this when ds was 2 month old because we lost his dummy and for that night it seemed to work every time hewoke up for a feed after feeding we did the same thing and found after a while he went down fine try that and hope it helps

prufrock · 12/03/2004 21:48

Dd had a dummy when she was about weeks - then totally rejected it herself when she got over the sucky period. Can't remember exactly when, but it was before she started reaching out for things - so must have been by about 13 weeks. She moved on to sucking her fingers instead. She then found it again when she was about 18 months, but only has it at sleep times or when ill -partly becuase she used to suck her fingers so hard they would get sore and infected

WideWebWitch · 12/03/2004 23:28

Hi Ghosty, can you get dummy holders in NZ? They are things that clip the dummy onto a baby's clothes so they can pick it up themselves if it falls out in the night. I know it'll be a while before your dd can do that but I just wanted to be reassuring about dummies! My ds had one til he was 3 (ish? Can't remember but the holder thnig meant we didn't have to deal with it fallign out after a certain age, can't remember when, sorry, not v helpful am I?) and dd (14 weeks) has one now. Atm she only seems to be using it to get to sleep though she does sometimes wake in the night and then go back to sleep if I stick it back in. I don't know if it's the dummy falling out that wakes her though, or that she'd quite like to eat but the dummy placates her for a while. Maybe by the time your dd's in her own room she'll be able to reach for it if it's attached to her clothes? Seem to remember ds doing this fairly early but I could be wrong. If not, we're in the same boat, eek!

Original poster

Ghosty · 13/03/2004 00:02

Thanks WWW ... can't believe your dd is already 14 weeks ... how time flies
I'd forgotten about the dummy holder clip things. I might have one lurking about somewhere as DS had a dummy for about 5 minutes when he was tiny ... absolutely not to the extent that DD likes hers. He had it from 4 weeks until about 10 weeks and then he spat it out and never wanted it again but he only had it during the day and never used it to go to sleep.

OP posts:

smellymelly · 13/03/2004 16:55

I am definitely of the opinion that babies should have 'stuff' to help keep them happy. I would give her the dummy if it makes her happy, they are also easier to take away than thumbs. My 2 also have 'towels' as well (actually terry nappies which I dyed) which are great for snot, sick as well as cuddles!!!

My DS was incredibly lazy (wouldnt hold his milk bottle till he was 15mths) but DD is much better with her dummy, it is just difficult when they get stuck down the side of the cot in the dark!

aloha · 13/03/2004 19:36

We started clipping his dummy to his growbag at - I think - six months or so (how soon we forget!) , and he can always find it in the night and put it back. He NEVER wakes us up to put his dummy back - unless we forget to clip it on and it falls out of the cot (he's 2 1/2 now). We used the clip during the day to 'train' him to use it. Don't lose hope!

nutcracker · 13/03/2004 19:39

My dd (4 though) gave hers up to santa last xmas.
It worked really well as we told her that he would give it to a baby reindeer, which really impressed her.

PipBeckett · 13/03/2004 20:36

My ds2 is sixteen weeks now and has a dummy to go to sleep with. When he was in our room I was leaning over what felt like every five minutes to put his dummy back in. Six weeks ago we moved him into his own room and put him in his cot and we never get up during the night to him. I'm a great believer that a child only needs a dummy to get them back to sleep if something disturbs them when they are in a fragile state of sleep. Putting our ds2 in his own room stopped him being disturbed by us and now he sleeps straight through.

marthamoo · 13/03/2004 20:59

I used to lie awake at night waiting to hear the dummy drop out of ds1's mouth (hoping against hope he would be asleep enough not to wake up) and inventing devices to keep the damn thing in. Best I came up with was a sort of head harness (like those huge teeth braces on a helmet that kids wear at night) with a mouthpiece with a dummy mounted onto it. Also toyed with the idea of a strip of sticking plaster from time to time
Still reckon there's a market for such a device....

I can't remember either when they can find them by themselves - 6/7 months? I never clipped them on their 'jamas but I did use to leave about 5 dodies in the cot so they could have more chance of finding one!

Ghosty, just do whatever makes life easiest for you. Dummies are a double edged sword I think - benefits and disadvantages. Both of mine have had them, ds1 gave his up at 3, ds2 is 2 and still has his (though it stays in his cot in the daytime, he only has it for sleeping). If you feel you can harden your heart and ditch the dodies I guess she would get used to it pretty fast, though you'd need willpower! Or try and have the patience of a saint and keep putting it back in 'til she can find it herself.

No helpful advice really - but, like all things baby, it will pass.

Original poster

Ghosty · 13/03/2004 21:25

Marthamoo ... LOL ... at staying awake waiting for the dummy to fall out ... that is what I was doing last night
Poor baby ... at 5 this morning she stirred and I was up like a flash and stuck the dummy in ... she was still asleep and pushed it back out again - it took me a while to get a grip and realise that she really didn't wake up for it at all and I was just being a pain the bum!!
Perhaps we ought to start 'thinking' about putting her in her own room like Pip suggests ...
When DS was 6 weeks I was desperate to get him into his own room but now for some reason it is me that isn't ready for that yet IYKWIM!
Thanks for all the advice folks ... much appreciated

OP posts:

pupuce · 13/03/2004 21:28

DS had a dummy and gave it up at 4 months (like Gina Ford said he would ) and he found his thumb which he gave up at 1yo. The trick was to avoid him falling asleep with it!

WideWebWitch · 14/03/2004 15:35

Marthamoo at your head harness thing, ikwym, I dream about a long bit of elastic that straps all around the head and keeps the dummy in too!

Bugsy2 · 16/03/2004 13:35

We used to sellotape it to dd's face - ONLY JOKING, promise. I used to feel like that would be a good option sometimes.
I think you have two options Ghosty, you can either cold turkey it now or hang on in there for a month or two until your dd can put it back in herself.
I ended up with dd in bed with me for about two months while she went through the dummy falling out stage and not yet being able to put it back in again. Then she went back in her cot and I just put about 4 dummies in with her at night in case she lost them.
Good luck

motherinferior · 16/03/2004 13:54

I'm afraid I have mixed experiences. DD1 used it to get to sleep and then didn't need it again, and moved on to her thumb.

DD2 didn't. Or she might have done given more time but I was beginning to dread going to bed because of the re-dummying palaver in the small hours. I tried half-heartedly to take it away and crumbled a couple of times...and then the day I found myself shouting hysterically first at the kids and then at dp down the phone because I was so exhausted, we bit the bullet (BAD metaphor and took it away. She bellowed and bellowed and bellowed...and then the next night only bellowed a bit...and then was fine.

It was the dummy plus crap mothering, or no dummy and slightly better mothering in our case.

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