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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Demanding 3.5 Month Old ...

14 replies

Poshers · 09/03/2014 19:49

Hi all

Pleeeeease don't think I'm nuts as I know babies are hard work & demanding, but my DS seems to be the neediest baby on earth! I made a decision to put him with a childminder 2x a week for 6hrs (he went 6 times) I then received an email from her today saying she couldn't care for him anymore as he took too much of her time up & couldn't care for the other 2 children, now I of course understand this & I am glad she has been honest, I really liked her.

How does everyone else cope with needy/demanding baby?

Do I need to toughen up? I'm going to end up in an asylum if things carry on. He constantly cries if he is not being held. I have taken him to GP & nothing wrong with him.

Please I would welcome tips on needy babies xxxxxxx

OP posts:

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Original poster

Poshers · 09/03/2014 19:50

I'm totally on my own at home also, my parents are amazing & help where they can but I just find it so tough

OP posts:

Twighlightsparkle · 09/03/2014 19:54

In what way needs? Crying?

GingerMaman · 09/03/2014 19:54

I had and have a very similar baby. Have you ruled out silent reflux, wind and cows milk allergy?

Twighlightsparkle · 09/03/2014 19:55

Is she on solids? I'm old fashioned both mine were weaned around that age and it made a huge difference.

The four month " regression" hadn't been invented.

Mumof3xx · 09/03/2014 19:56

My middle child was like this until he crawled

It was draining so you have my sympathy but I have little advice I just plodded on with it!

Original poster

Poshers · 09/03/2014 19:56

He cries all the time unless he is picked up. As soon as I pick him up he stops.

I've seen GP who has said no to reflux, should I change his milk?

I bottle feed in day, BF at night as easier ...

OP posts:

Lamu · 09/03/2014 19:56

Unfortunately you just have to go with it. At 3.5 months he's still quite little and needs the reassurance that only you give him. Dd 2.5 was the same. I used the sling for hours on end just so I could get things done.

Are you able to get your parents to have him for a couple of hours each week? Have a look at Dr Sears and see if your little one fits the criteria of being a high needs baby. Dd thankfully got much better as soon as she started walking at 10 months. Now I barely get a backwards glance as she runs off to pre-school 4 mornings a week.

YarnyStasher · 09/03/2014 19:57

Do you have a decent sling to carry baby in? :)

Mycatistoosexy · 09/03/2014 20:01

My DS was the same. I got a sling. Did everything with him on me except took a shower while he screamed. I ruled out dairy, caffeine, etc etc from my diet (he was EBF). We tried reflux meds from GP. Nothing made a difference. You should still try all of that too.

In the end everything got slowly better about 6-7 months old, I think. I'm not sure, I've repressed a lot! Ummm... sling, white noise stopped him crying for a bit sometimes. It was just really hard.

Sympathies

On the bright side, he is an awesome independent toddler! I think some babies don't like being babies.

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2014 20:12

It'll get a bit better as he can do more (sit up, crawl, walk) My DD was a very needy baby, but as each milestone was achieved she got a bit happier. I think some babies just don't like being babies...At 16 months she's pretty happy most of the time now!

To be honest, I think the CM sounds a bit rubbish. She shouldn't take tiny babies if she can't manage their needs, and she must know what babies are like. They are all high needs to a certain extent. I'd look for another CM, asking questions specifically about their experience with very young babies if that is the only way for you to get a break.

Choccywoccydodah · 09/03/2014 20:24

My ds was like this when parents came to visit.

We used to put him in his bouncy chair, play mat etc and he'd be fine, but as soon as the parents came and they held him the whole time he was up (for 3 days), he wanted it all the time, and at bedtime.
It used to take a week or so to get him back to normal.
We bought him a jumperoo, and a summer seat thing, like a bumbo but with toys all around. He loved them as it occupied his time and didn't want us all the time.
We also had a quiet word with the parents too

GingerMaman · 09/03/2014 20:55

If you bottle feed, there is no harm in trying the anti- reflux milk, you can get from large boots/supermarket.

I would recommend getting a swing. Try and get one that had dangly toys and lights on it too. My DD still uses it to chill in at 9 months and probably will till 1, and falls asleep in it too.

Sunnysummer · 09/03/2014 21:14

Agree with the sling. Ours saved our sanity - DS cried slightly less when he was close, and even when e was crying, at least he knew that he was safe (plus you get your hands free to grab a cuppa / call your mum)
Is he definitely being fed enough? I know it's hard with bottles, but when bfing some babies just want lots of little snacks at that age
Unfortunately some babies really do cry a lot, DS got a lot better at 4 months but the real change was when he learned to crawl - it seems like he just hated being immobile and now he is the happiest little man. People always comment on how lovely it is to see such a smiley baby, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Just to check, though, are you getting any nappies with red flecks? Cows milk intolerance is WAY overdiagnosed but it does make life very miserable for a few babies. Similarly it also makes sense that you might as well try an anti-colic/reflux teat, it won't cause any harm and may help.

It's hard when your baby cries so much and you look at all the other placid boring little ones lying in rockers... But it just means that your baby loves you and needs you and it does get better.

Some people find the 'high needs' baby idea very helpful www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby.

In the meantime, you're not doing anything wrong and nor is your baby. The childminder probably expected a little one who slept all day, but actually I know of few babies and few minders who could easily have copes with such a tiny one alongside lots of others. Do you have any friends or family who could help one on one? Or a more experience sole nanny but for fewer hours? Or even someone to come and help you with the cleaning/cooking so you can hold the baby?

If you really are feeling insane, also do go to a doctor. It's easy to get angry with fussy babies, and that isn't always safe for either of you. Otherwise, our favourite phrase was 'this too shall pass' - and you'll have an independent little 7 monther before you know it

Pizdets · 09/03/2014 21:31

Not much to add but I wanted to send some sympathy. I've done the last few weeks alone with my DS who was 3.5 months when we started and only had my husband at the weekend. Days and days of not being 'off duty' is exhausting, emotionally and physically. Could you look into getting someone to come into your home to help take the pressure off from time to time? I know childcare students etc are often looking for experience and are cheaper than a nanny if you can be flexible.

Your little boy sounds a lot like mine, he'll go nuts in the pram but it's like a switch is flipped when I pick him up, it shocks people how he can be mid -scream then perfectly happy ! He started sitting early (just over 4 months) which helped a lot and now I can get about 40 mins out of him sometimes in his high chair if he can see me - bliss to have some personal space! Not a great solution but have you tried a jumperoo or a bouncer ? Once he has decent head control you can give him 10 mins or so in there and build up a bit.

Sounds like you're doing a great job with your DS all alone, hope things get easier soon !

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