3 year old whining and moaning about everything.

muddyprints · 2014-03-02T08:15:34+00:00

Dd2 has totally changed lately, she seems to moan all day and crys about everything and is ridiculously fussy. Her tops feel funny, her socks are itchy, her shoes are tight, her trainers don't fit, her wellies need wellie socks, her Welly socks are too long or don't go over tights or are the wrong colour. She wants to be first to do things and has a meltdown if dd1 does it first, including finishing dinner, going to the toilet, walking through a door, everything is a competition. All I hear is "that's not fair, I want to go first, that's it I'm not playing, I'm not your friend, I want it, I had it first, she always goes first." This morning her sister went to he toilet and dd2 started wailing because she wanted to go first even though she was still lying in bed and woke us all up then refused to go to the toilet and wailed all downstairs. Where has my pleasant 2 year old gone?

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Set a reminder

atthestrokeoftwelve · 02/03/2014 08:24

She is starting to be her own person, finding her own confidence, control and way of doing things. It is to be encouraged and directed. Try to see it as a positive thing.
She needs a little direction and reminder to share and think of others, but try to find lots of opportunities where she can make decisions and have some control over her own life. This will hopefully defuse the need for control into acceptable and manageable areas.

Let her choose and lay out her own clothes, let her decide whether she wants apple or orange juice, which plate or cup to use ( two choices are fine) which book to read, which cuddly toy to take to the supermarket.
Let her make a shopping list to take to the shops, let her pick out which bananas to put in the trolley, how much food to put on her plate, which shoes to put on.

It sounds counter intuitive to actually give her more control but it does work, she will be so busy with all her life chouces that you give her that she will stop worrying whether she is first to the toilet or not.
It's just part of growing up.

Original poster

muddyprints · 02/03/2014 08:29

Thanks, I do let her choose her clothes and cups and things that don't matter and she helps make lunch etc but when dd1 is home she just seems constantly frustrated that dd1 is bigger faster and if dd1 chooses something different then dd2 changes her mind and wails for it.

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Original poster

muddyprints · 02/03/2014 08:32

I'm finding it hard to be positive tbh. Every day last week we were running late on school run as she wouldn't put on her shoes or trainers or even wellies as she found something wrong with them and threw them off raging. She had the choice but none were right.
I ended up putting in pushchair screaming and pushing her there which made her angrier.

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5amisnotmorning · 02/03/2014 08:46

I was just coming on here to ask about the same thing!

mousmous · 02/03/2014 08:51

she sounds normal and lovely :)

give her choices (limited green shirt red shirt ones), make sure she sleeps enough and gets offered a good diet.

pumpkinsweetie · 02/03/2014 08:59

Same here with my 3 1/2 yo
Think she may have a touch of OCD
She goes mad at the slightest food spillages or messes that get on her hands, she wears her minnie mouse dress every night over her pjs and I have a battle with her every morning to get her out of the dress, she has an obsession with wellies which she wears 9 times out of 10 lol.
She still drinks out of a bottle but will scream if the bottle is slightly wet from condensation, she screams to go first at anything too and has a tendency to say no to eating most of the dinners I prepare!

Having said that my other girls went through the same, typical 3 yo I think.
There was a post on fb quoting that 3yos should be called threenagers, I agree

Enidosaurus · 02/03/2014 09:24

Yup same here. Nightmare. No words of advice but I'm just trying to ride out this phase

lljkk · 02/03/2014 10:05

3yos are the whiniest age.

MrsCosmopilite · 02/03/2014 10:24

So much of this is familiar....

We're getting a lot of shrugging shoulders (accompanied by hands open with palms upturned, eyes rolling to heaven and sighing "I don't know").

I try to pre-empt as much as possible. Let her choose what to wear, get own shoes on etc. If someone has been ahead of her at one thing, she gets to go first on the next task.

Original poster

muddyprints · 02/03/2014 14:37

She eats well, never stops in fact but insists on getting up by 6am despite being tired as only recently dropped naps.
She has just wailed that she missed a bit of Mary poppins because she was on the loo, it has "ruined her day"

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Gen35 · 17/03/2014 12:21

I just found this thread, my dd is a lot like this. Wants choice over everything and sometimes no choice is acceptable.

peppapigonaloop · 17/03/2014 12:57

Mine does this too, particularly the shoe thing it drives me mad. In the end after numerous tantrums choosing shoes I took them all away leaving one pair she had to wear everywhere.. gradually reintroduced choice for good behaviour! sometimes they all get taken away again

Lioness37 · 17/03/2014 23:19

I have a 2 and 10 month old boy who is screaming a lot when I take him out ! Its so embarrassing I want the ground to swallow me up ! His back teeth are coming through but they have been for 7 weeks now, everything you cook is too hot ! He keeps saying he doesn't like things inc me to my friends daughter at a BBQ yesterday where there was a trampoline in garden & all he did was scream pretty much intermittently all afternoon, last week I forgot how hard it is to take him to big parks I got excited by the hot weather & he held up queue on slides telling all the children to shoo lol ! In the end I brought him home as he was screaming so much even tho i reasoned and gave warnings, and felt so awful all day & night, I took him to a smaller park the following day and he told a grandmother he didnt like her baby ! I then took him to a play centre and he wouldn't let anybody in the tent or playhouse and was screaming. I know this is a stage but feel like I can't take him anywhere and summer hasn't even began ! He won't eat a full meal anymore as everything is hot and saying his mouth hurts or acki (welsh for yuk) I feel like I'm doing something so wrong and its exhausting please any tips on this catalogue of tantrums that are making me worry they aren't gonna stop !

Lioness37 · 17/03/2014 23:22

I have a 2 and 10 month old boy who is screaming a lot when I take him out ! Its so embarrassing I want the ground to swallow me up ! His back teeth are coming through but they have been for 7 weeks now, everything you cook is too hot ! He keeps saying he doesn't like things inc me to my friends daughter at a BBQ yesterday where there was a trampoline in garden & all he did was scream pretty much intermittently all afternoon, last week I forgot how hard it is to take him to big parks I got excited by the hot weather & he held up queue on slides telling all the children to shoo lol ! In the end I brought him home as he was screaming so much even tho i reasoned and gave warnings, and felt so awful all day & night, I took him to a smaller park the following day and he told a grandmother he didnt like her baby ! I then took him to a play centre and he wouldn't let anybody in the tent or playhouse and was screaming. I know this is a stage but feel like I can't take him anywhere and summer hasn't even began ! He won't eat a full meal anymore as everything is hot and saying his mouth hurts or acki (welsh for yuk) I feel like I'm doing something so wrong and its exhausting please any tips on this catalogue of tantrums that are making me worry they aren't gonna stop !

MissBattleaxe · 17/03/2014 23:24

We call my four year old Elton John because he is so particular and wants everything just so. He is just as you describe.

Lioness37 · 17/03/2014 23:28

Please don't tell me it carries on till 4 !

MissBattleaxe · 17/03/2014 23:35

Well I'm hoping it'll wear off by five? (hopeful emoticon)

WomanScorned · 17/03/2014 23:45

Sorry, Lioness, but my recently 4 year old is STILL doing all of this :(

The being first thing is a health hazard - he pushes us out of the way to be first up or down the stairs; he objects to any item clothing if I've selected it, had a complete meltdown last week because I did baked potatoes and he wanted carrots and he wants any chair that someone else sits in. He cried today because he wanted to walk on the other side of the road, then again because he didn't want me to swing my arm as we walked.
I tried 'lovebombing' a few weeks ago - he loved it and it was a
reaally nice day. But he was back at it within 48 hours.
It'f f***g exhausting, and I hope to Hell this 'phase' doesn't go on for much longer!

Gen35 · 18/03/2014 08:15

It is reassuring to hear these stories, sometimes you feel as though it must be something in particular you're doing wrongs as a parent...

Lioness37 · 18/03/2014 12:53

He is an only child and I am a lone parent, if anything he has been love bombed every weekend over the last month but I'm finding anything new to him is overwhelming him & causing him to scream, I think I need to stick to his usual play places until he's used to the outdoors a bit more, each time we leave somewhere new he swings for me which is really upsetting,it started last summer too but I don't wish to portray him as all bad at all, he is very loving, cute caring and a good boy more when its just me and him ! He seems to enjoy dining out a lot and behaves more but I think the teething and not eating like he used to is also part of the problem you give more choice as you don't want them to go hungry but giving that choice can at times I feel add to the behaviour - any thoughts ?

Gen35 · 18/03/2014 12:57

Not sure how helpful this is but my 3.5 yo dd still lashes out at me when she's feeling insecure in new places. It's because they're closer to you than anyone else, don't feel too upset by it, all they're really saying is that they're feeling bad. At this age though, I do take toys away for hitting. Also, I wouldn't offer too much choice as I do think you're just making life harder for yourself.

pumpkinsweetie · 18/03/2014 13:05

Oh my the shoe thing
My dd 3 1/2 yo will only wear shoes fit for the winter, such as wellies & furry boots. Mainly because minnie mouse is embezzled on them. She will not wear any other shoes and on a sunny day like yesterday It was rather embarrassing. People probably think I cannot afford any different shoes
If I even dare try to get her into her school shoes for nursery, I get screeched at and normally said shoes of disgust get thrown straight at my head as if she is practicing a darts shot. I can almost hear bullseye ringing in my ears!

God forbid I turn over the disney channel at midday as my life wouldn't be worth living & the screaming I get doesn't allow for my small ears to hear whichever channel I'm trying to swap it for!

I'm under the thumb by a threenager arrrgggh

Gen35 · 18/03/2014 13:08

Ha, my dd (3.5) has high heeled sparkly shoes she's not allowed to wear out the house (really because I'm too embarrassed but officially because they're a fall risk) so she sometimes insists on being pushed around in her buggy wearing the high heeled shoes which must make me look like parent of the year - trashy shoes and in a buggy!

horsetowater · 18/03/2014 13:22

She might have hypersensitivity (about the clothes) so bear that in mind, it might be something she actually has no control over.

Try to play games even if it's just catching a ball. Anything that involves taking turns.

Hldns · 24/08/2017 23:46

My 3 year 8 month old daughter is she can talk but can't talk in full sentences I'd someone asks something is will she be like 'OK' sometimes I feel like maybe she's just a slow child and she will catch up in the future . But 1 thing I love is she knows all her A b c and 1-30 all her animals and a bit of Arabic . But she loves to moan and cry and when I ask her what's wrong her replies are either sometimes I'm crying for no reason or is because I'm sad, she doesn't like hearing no everything has to be her way , if she doesn't like it she grunts and says I'm angry , she always says everything she watches on tv she makes a scene saying mummy stop it covers her ears sometimes screams i just don't know how to handle her . Today I took her to the park she stared moaning because I told her she couldn't touch a boys car toy .she wasnt tryna hear me she insisted to do her own thing . So I got mad and told her lets go home because your are not listening to me she cried all the way home . Is it something I'm doing wrong ? Help