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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

wailing four year old

9 replies

Surf25 · 01/03/2014 10:10

Wonder if anyone can help with some strategies for me to help me help my four year old daughter? I am not exaggerating when I say her screams and wails when she doesn't get her own way are pretty much driving me crazy, and more than that, I'm worried about her starting school in six months time and not having other ways to cope with not getting her own way. Can anyone help us? Thanks in advance, I appreciate any advice...

OP posts:

BetterDaze · 01/03/2014 20:35

I have no real advice but wanted to say you have my sympathy, I have a 4 year old who also does this. Sometimes the threat of no TV or putting her in her room if she doesn't stop the screams and only allowed to come out when she is ready to calm down works. Will wait with interest to see what other people suggest.

NoEgowoman · 01/03/2014 21:51

I have also adopted the strategy of putting my daughter out of the room for a time period equal to her age. It also gives you a rest from the noise. Seems to be working. I too sympathise.

Auntierosemary · 01/03/2014 21:55

Agree with the above, and just want to add that your daughter probably won't do this at school what with peer pressure to fit in in class, and fear of her new strange teachers.

CharlesRyder · 01/03/2014 21:59

DS is 3.5 but also starts Reception in Sept.

He wails atm and sometimes even stops to say 'Mummy, I am like tha car alarm'.

I am being stern about it and putting him away from us/ what he wants or withdrawing communication (out and about or in car). It is SO annoying!!

TheGreatHunt · 02/03/2014 06:59

I try and tell ds to talk to me as I don't understand him. Usually works unless he's genuinely upset, in which case it's cuddles. I have to be quite firm about it when I am telling him to talk.

missnevermind · 02/03/2014 07:11

DS did this he was like a siren. He is 5 now and does it a lot less. It really used to do my head in. Just on and on.
I think he grew out of it, we didn't do anything in particular to discourage it except shout at him to stop. But when they are in full swing you know the won't be able to anyway.

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 02/03/2014 07:12

Mine does this. She was 4 in August and started reception in January.

She pretends to be angelic at school and had not even cried, never mind wailing and screaming. They raised their eyebrows in incredulous surprise at parents' evening when I mentioned it!

She still does it for me. Just waits until we're in the car and nobody from school can see or hear her.

It constantly surprises DH and I that she STILL hasn't learned that this doesn't get her what she wants! I wonder if it surprises her every time too?

Original poster

Surf25 · 02/03/2014 09:23

Thank you all SO much. I don't really post things and was a bit worried about being flamed but took the risk as I find this so stressful!
I actually have just felt so alone in this. Either people have never seen it and therefore act as if I'm making it up if I mention that it's a challenge, or they witness it and look at me with a look that I can only describe as horror and disgust all rolled into one...neither of which helps at all!
So everyone's replies have rally helped.
I have started putting her in another room, or her bedroom or finding some way to have some distance between us, until she calms down. Often it doesn't take too long for her to calm down and talk. I try to reflect some of her feeling e.g I can see you're tired/upset/angry etc and then try to get her to use words rather than screams and sometimes that works. Perhaps my frustration is linked to times I am more tired/stressed etc but then that's just the reality of juggling everything isn't it?!
But it is school and also the fact that it rubs off on our two and a half yr old that worries me.
Thank you for your reassurance everyone, especially those who wrote about school! Sometimes I wonder, judy if that's what she will be like! Time will tell, I guess. The look of surprise always gets me too.

I have just (yesterday!) started reading how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk, have any of you read it?

OP posts:

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 02/03/2014 20:04

Yes, I've read it - lots of times - and have always used lots of it. I used to use similar techniques in my teaching days pre-children too. My DD, however, also used the same techniques on me, so I'm not sure how well it really works for us.

I also like 'Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting'.

But, when I'm tired (frequently) or anxious (often), I can't always manage to do this stuff.

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