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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

dd1 stressed by arrival of dd2

9 replies

milkjetmum · 27/02/2014 21:13

Dd1 is 3.5yr and dd2 is almost 2 weeks old. Dd1 seems under stress with her sisters arrival - does anyone have any tips?

We tried to prep her before the birth (car seat and Moses basket put in place ahead of time, talks about baby in mummys tummy, books). We did the present from your new sister, and have encouraged her to touch and talk to dd2. Dd1 is affectionate to her sister, no sign of jealousy/anger.

We expected some regression, and have not been surprised by return of wee/poo accidents (dd1 had been fully toilet trained for some time) and we are just being relaxed about those. But her tearfulness is upsetting to see - she is so sensitive since dd2 arrived and will cry/tantrum over the littlest things.

Any ideas of how we can help her adjust? Or how long did it take your dcs to return to their old self?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cravingcake · 27/02/2014 22:18

Sorry no real advice as i'm in the same boat. DS is 2.3 & DD is 5 weeks.

The only thing i've made sure is that when DS says 'baby down' to me and pats her moses basket i put her down and spend time with him.

TheGreatHunt · 27/02/2014 22:51

Maybe you overdid it a bit? Honestly she is 3 and probably didn't need the huge prep as she doesn't have the same concept of time.

Just try and stick to her routine and provide reassurance.

My ds was OK with dd it was me he got cross with! But we were quite calm and treat them as equally as you can. I kept baby dd in a sling a lot and went about our day as normal. We didn't have any regressions really just sibling rivalry which carries on even now but on a minor scale. Try and go easy on you and your eldest. Take the easier option sometimes and try and do stuff with all of you so she gets used to it. Eg reading stories with both of them, etc etc.

phoolani · 27/02/2014 22:55

My dd was 3.5 when ds was born and acted out something awful, towards me rather than ds. And in fairness, it must be a terrible shock for the pfb! The thing that really changed it was making it clear that she was totally allowed to be pissed off. That yes, having a new brother was exciting and awesome, but, honestly? Wasn't it also annoying when he needed feeding when dd wanted to play with me? And when we couldn't do that thing because he was too little? And all that other stuff he stops us doing? Saying that changed everything.

StetsonsAreCool · 27/02/2014 23:00

I only have DD, 3.9, but she's been very tearful for a few months now. It's upsetting to see, but she takes small things very much to heart and is very quick to cry rather than take things in her stride like she had been until then. Could it just be an age related phase, rather than baby related?

I know there must be some baby related stuff going on, but the tearfulness sounds very familiar!

Congrats on new baby

notnowbernard · 27/02/2014 23:05

Time

CBeebies

Routines as per usual (as far as is poss, don't break your back over it)

Regression really normal, as you say

She'll be fine in a couple of months and won't remember it being any different

Congrats

Original poster

milkjetmum · 28/02/2014 07:15

Thanks everyone for the ideas. Lots of cuddles and cbeebies for a while :-)

OP posts:

pettyprudence · 28/02/2014 18:49

This is us!!! Ds is 2.11y and dd 7 days. I knew it wouldn't be plain sailing but thought we would just see what happens rather than try and "prepare" ds. He can't speak to me and dh in a normal way - everything is being cried/screaming demands at us. I managed some one to one time with ds in another room today and he was fine. Added to this he has been ill/sick for the last 5 days so not sure how much of his "emotional behaviour" is illness and how much is attention seeking. At the moment I am trying to be hugely sympathetic to him, put dd down when he asks (so long as I am not feeding her) and be the one to put him to bed/do story) BUT I do ask him to talk to me nicely/in his proper voice. I'm not sure if once he has stopped being ill whether or not to put my foot down about the screaming/shouting?

cory · 01/03/2014 13:41

We had that, same age gap. It was just too much for dd: overexcited, frightened, too much to take in. We had to watch her very carefully for a few months as she would go from smothering baby brother with kisses to trying to hurt him or throwing things at his head.

It took a few months for it to pass, but I'd say by the time ds was 4 months she was pretty well back to normal.

They have been the best of friends for 13 years now, enjoying each other's company, proud of each other, supportive of each other- I can't think of anything that gives me more joy than seeing them together.

So hang in there, OP: it will pass.

One thing that helped us was to think of an activity they could both "do" together. I invented a game where we all got into bed, the bed became a car and the baby was the driver (lying flat on his back and waving his arms in the air is pretty well the only contribution a 2 week old baby can make) and he drove dd to all these shops where she went in and bought (a small quantity of) eggs and (an ever growing quantity of) sweets. It was only a little thing but it helped to ease us over those early weeks.

indigenoustothesofa · 01/03/2014 18:03

OP, just wanted to say that we are in a very similar situation with our 2 week old and 3.5 year old sons (actually just started my own thread before seeing this one!) so I am finding the advice and reassurance on this thread very useful as well. It is so upsetting to see ds1 reacting so badly but it seems to be normal - hopefully it will pass soon for both our DCs

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