Please help! 21mnth old behaviour

[littleraysofsunshine]

She has these mega emotional outbursts, blows snot all out of her nose in anger, spits and screams.

The only thing I end up doing is getting so frustrated and shouting and putting her in her cot. She still cries.

I hate this because I love to try to understand them (I have three small kids) validate their emotions and feelings by being calm too. But after her just doing it and not stopping I end up grabbing her, takin her upstairs and leaving her for five mins to try and calm down. I have never left them to CIO but I feel like trying for five mins to let her calm herself as she doesn't want me is the only option. What else can I try?

Main factor is (just bows outburst) she is teething her 'fang' teeth, and two molars. She's very over tired. But having a newborn and three yr old too I didn't know what else to try.

Now I'm sobbing.

Plus snapping at dd1

All you can do is make sure she is safe and then ignore. Pay attention and cuddle when she has finished. It is hard if you have 3 under 4yrs.

What Tamer said. Be nice about it, keep smiling and being welcoming but basically you just need to leave her to it. (In my opinion. I have 22 month old twins and I also get pulled in but honestly I do think they come out of it easier if you don't get involved. Like you I try to understand what's going on and give them what they want if possible, but honestly, sometimes... this morning DT2 had an extended meltdown over not being allowed to sit on the kitchen counter and eat food straight out of the microwave. Sigh.)

If they are in that frame of mind, they are in that frame of mind! If you gave them a red cup and they wanted a blue cup it still won't be right if you hand them the blue!
They have to learn to handle their emotions- you can't do it for them.

Allow her anger its normal reaction to arrival of newborn. You really have your hands full so look after yourself as well as you can, ask for help from family if possible. Can someone else give the two older ones some special time, they will be naturally confused, upset and angry at the arrival of the baby.. and having to share you and give up their status as the youngsters in the family. Sounds like you doing a great job btw.

I don't get time to look after myself at the minute.. Having another tricky evening. I am exhausted already