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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Can't go anywhere with my 2yr old DD without a tantrum! Help!

21 replies

mumofone25 · 22/02/2014 12:48

Hi, I'm after some advice! My DD had just turned 2 and I cannot go anywhere without a tantrum at the moment. We just attempted a walk to town, I explained to her before we left that we were going to the hairdressers to get her hair cut and then to the park after she was excited about it. After 10 minutes of leaving the house she refused to walk and asked to be cuddled and carried. She then refused the pram and refused to walk again so we ended up coming home. I just don't know how to deal with this. I don't drive so it feels like we can't go anywhere. Such a lovely day aswell. Please help! Thank you.

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NaturalBaby · 22/02/2014 12:54

Trike with a handle. Ds goes anywhere in his. I'm quite firm with my dc's, almost military, especially on trips out ( I do have 3 to keep safe though). If they refuse to walk safely then they get strapped into the buggy, no amount of kicking and screaming is going to get in the way of their safety.

It also helps to keep talking - it calms me down and helps them to hear that I understand what they're upset about but that I am going to stick to the rules.

This is a big boundary testing phase - they're going to test every rule and need to know that you are going to stick to what you've said.

JoinTheDots · 22/02/2014 12:58

What do you think the issue is? Is it pram refusal? Is it too far to walk? Does she just like to be carried?

You can get supportive and easy to wear slings for 2 year olds so carrying her might not be out of the question but would save your arms and back.

If you leave the house using the pram, would she settle for staying in it longer? (Mine was pram averse and so I rarely used the expensive thing, much to my frustration) or would she settle in it with a little book to look at or some toys / a snack?

Original poster

mumofone25 · 22/02/2014 13:11

Thanks for the reply naturalbaby I do just give in about the pram and take her out as she is screaming and thrashing about. She has never liked prams even when younger. I mostly used a sling. I completely get the testing boundaries, she does this a lot but I suppose I must make sure I follow through with it. I've recently got her a trike for her birthday so I will try that. Thanks for your help. jointhedots the issue is that she loves to be carried. All around the house too! She always has done. She's always been a pram refuser but occasionally will ask to sit in it. I mostly use it to load with bags of shopping when out! My DD loves walking but only on her terms. Have you got any slings you recommend? I have a baba sling that I used when dd was younger. We always leave the house with dd walking. She won't sit in her pram at all. I do always end up carrying her but I just can't anymore as she's too heavy! Thank you for replying!

OP posts:

Notify · 22/02/2014 13:18

You need to have more will power than they do and develop a thick skin for the staring

Explain once that if she can't/won't walk she's going in the pushchair and mean it. You will have to manhandle her in and she will scream and people will stare but if you mean it and follow through it won't take long before she stops performing - I promise.

The breathing exercises they taught you to relax during labour became useful to me for the first time during this stage

TinyTear · 22/02/2014 13:18

I try and negotiate. Walk to that corner and then I carry you a little bit.

I have a iffy back so use that as an excuse not to carry much. It's pram or walk.

Also focus on what we are doing. If she strops we can't feed the ducks. If she doesn't walk we will just stay there. Not in a hurry ...

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 22/02/2014 13:21

At that age keep it simple and short term.

No long explanations or pleading.

Explaining about going to the park later is lost on her.

Refusing to walk= pram, if she kicks and screams in the pram, tough.

Original poster

mumofone25 · 22/02/2014 13:27

notify your post made me laugh! I'll practice those relaxing techniques! Yes the staring totally gets to me and all the judgy looks. I will give that a go, something's got to change! Dd is napping now so will attempt town later armed with all your advice! tinytear my dd will not negotiate i do try but it just doesn't work with her. She's very stubborn and strong willed. I think the main thing for me now is not to give in. Thank you.

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Original poster

mumofone25 · 22/02/2014 13:31

I've just seen your reply fiscal thank you! I've just got to get tough with the pram. I will definately do this from now on. I just feel awful with her getting so upset and screaming mummy over again. Time for me to toughen up!

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elQuintoConyo · 22/02/2014 13:40

DS is like this at 2.2.

It's walk or pushchair as I can't carry him at all, I have a completey buggered back.

Yes he screams and wriggles and kicks, but thems the breaks.

I may get some funny looks but to be honest I focus on DS so am oblivious. Plus I usually sing a nice song in my head and by the time I reach the first chorus: he's strapped in; by the time I reach the second chorus: he's stopped his whingeing. DH is more of a pushover

The thing to remember us: you aren't torturing them, they aren't hurt, they aren't going to explode!

Good luck

Stars66 · 22/02/2014 13:41

I have a very stubborn 18m old dd too. She refuses to sit in her high chair bloody expensive Tripp trapp thing that was supposed to last till she moves out and often refuses to eat, which then stresses me out. Her temper tantrums are splitting her dad and me up, last night after 2.5 hours of crying for no reason that I could find he said "get rid of her", in all seriousness!! I told him to leave as I love her with all my heart and where does he think she got her bloody temper from in the first place
So, I have no advice, I'm just letting you know that you're not alone and it's bloody hard work!!

Notify · 22/02/2014 13:44

Yes you really do need to learn to ignore the judgy looks.

I once did a full shop in Asda with a screaming DS2 in the trolley because he'd refused to walk nicely with the trolley but didn't want to get in it. He screamed the whole way round and I got a mixture of people asking me if he was Ok, offering help/advice and telling me not to be so cruel and to let him out but he never did it again. After that he just knew if he didn't walk properly with me he'd be in the trolley. I felt it was important to stick it out because if I'd given in and let him out, or abandoned the shopping trip and gone home he would have "won" which would have made it worth his while to do it again next time.

Figster · 22/02/2014 13:47

DS 2.2 today and same he is so bad tempered I dread taking him out he doesn't listen, won't walk sits down in puddles if told to move, 50/50 as to the pushchair thing. I'm getting shouty all the time and he now gets in such a state he bites himself on the hand.

It's bloody maddening!!

Original poster

mumofone25 · 22/02/2014 13:53

elquintoconyo ha i'll try the singing! I am such a pushover with dd and I need to stop it. It's clearly not helping. She's only like this with me so proves it's up to me to change. Thanks for the good luck wishes.

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Original poster

mumofone25 · 22/02/2014 13:57

Oh stars66 my dd is stubborn with food too ! I used to feel stressed out at meal times but now if she won't eat it I just take it away. She eats beautifully at nursery and eats everything they give her but won't eat it at home. I got a toddler table and chairs to use instead of the high hair. Might be worth a shot! The tantrums are definately not as bad now she can talk and communicate what she wants.

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superchick · 22/02/2014 14:00

I stick to one or two rules very rigidly and one if them is "walk or pushchair" no carrying and we can stand here all day if that's how long it takes. She's 2.6 now and it hasn't been an issue for months as she knows the rule. Sometimes I use a bit of bribery - get in the pushchair quickly and you can have a snack for example.

GiveTwoSheets · 22/02/2014 14:01

Ok not the best advice but I used to put midget gems or rice cakes in my DS coat pocket when he used to start having a paddy walking, he never liked the pushchair as was used to a sling. But trike is a good idea as we used that also.

Original poster

mumofone25 · 22/02/2014 14:01

notify your posts are really helping! You are totally right. If they get their own way they're only going to do it again. I will persevere with the pram and ignore the judgy looks. Thank you very much for your replys. I do need to be firmer with dd. I can see now.

OP posts:

PlainBrownEnvelope · 22/02/2014 14:01

Just give her the choice ( walk or pushchair) and if she doesn't decide just say ' well I'll decide for you then' and then just ignore the screaming. it actually gives you quite a sense if achievement.

Original poster

mumofone25 · 22/02/2014 14:05

It is bloody maddening figster. Yes I just need to be firm and not give in. I really don't want to use a sling anymore as still really hurts my back! I've got a trike for dd just needs putting together. Cheers to you all for the help and advice

OP posts:

Original poster

mumofone25 · 22/02/2014 14:07

I felt so deflated today after having to go home ! Such a beautiful day and was looking forward to a walk in the sunshine with dd after having a crap week at work. Attempt 2 after dd has had her nap!

OP posts:

Notify · 22/02/2014 15:07

Oh bless you mumof; thank you for saying so.

Actually I only really had one rule when mine were small and it ws once I've said it I'm not changing my mind. I tried to think before I spoke and not be too rash but once I'd said no/yes/do it/don't do it I never ever changed it. Even if i realised I could have said yes , once Id said no that was it iyswim

As they get older you can relax a bit because you've done the groundwork and you can discuss whether you were right/wrong with them but when they're little it's important to be consistent with them imo.

I've just walked to Tesco with ds2 (10yo). He didnt want to go but knew once Id said we were going there was no point arguing and he didn't murmur when i told asked him to help carry the bags. See the pain now as an investment for the future

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