Inadequate mother seeks help

[Lawlass]

Desperately looking for someone out there who might be able to tell me what I am doing wrong!

Both my children (3year old ds and 2 yr dd) have a marked preference for their dad at times. They will pointedly ignore me and go to my husband. Sometimes if I offer dd a hug she will say "no, mummy, no, want daddy".

I have no idea why this has happened. Ds has always preferred dad but dd seemed to prefer me until about 6 months ago when she suddenly changed allegiance.

I find it heartbreaking when they reject the affection that I want to offer them and am finding it difficult to cope with.

Any ideas greatfully received.

DS (18 months) is like this. If DH isn't around then everything's fine, but when he is here then it's "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" all the way. And God forbid that DH should leave the room (or still worse the house) and leave DS with me...

I am following the "it's just a stage" mantra, but it sounds as though it may be a long one. I think in our case it's partly that DH is stronger and less paranoid so does fun things like carrying DS on his shoulders, taking him on the back of his bicycle, dangling him upside down and so forth.

Ha I can relate to this!!DS wants Daddy when the going gets at all tough i.e Mummy tells him off or disciplines him !!! It is awful as you feel like the worst parent ever.The other day ds screamed "I want Daddddddyyyyyy" in that high pitched whinging tone all the way down the street because I hadnt allowed him any chocolate.(Daddy would have of course).He had tears pouring down his face and elicited murmurs of sympathy from passers by who probably thought I was the devil incarnate for ignoring him.It was indeed an oscar winning performance.It lasted for a good fifteen minutes.This daddy phase has lasted a good couple of months.Having said this if he falls over or hurts himself it is always "MUMMMMYYYY" and im sure your little ones are the same....at the end of the day as a mum youre there 24/7 with the kids.Bet you they would be lost without you you are certainly not a crap mum you sound like a lovely one!!!!

Ahh wrinklytum and lemonaid, it helps to know that I'm not the only one this is happening too. Spot on Canadianmum - I do feel rejected by them and it is breaking my heart. Last night I found myself at the point of saying "if you don't want me then I don't want you either". Completely wrong I know, but just for a while it was how I felt.

Same as with you Lemonaid, they're absolutely fine with me when dh is not around and are both very loving and affectionate - but the minute he is there its awful. I think it is now made worse, because ds knows if he pushes it far enough he will get a reaction out of me (wrong I know, but sometimes its overwhelming and I can't help it). Also not helped as dd (who is just 15 mnths younger than ds) copies everything he does.

Thanks all for listening and offering support, it really helps!! Not the kind of thing you can discuss with family and freinds.

Lawlass, when things are getting too much for me, I just get out of the room, like giving myself some time out.
When your ds is pushing you and you can see it, why not going out of the room before he has managed to wind you up and coming back a bit later on when he has stopped ?
Also, if you think that he is calling for his dad just to get some reaction, then he might be looking for some attention. What about trying to give him some one to one time at the end of the day ?
It is hard but as a lt of pople before have said, I can promise you that they don't reject you!!

I have a similar thing going on with my kids, not with their dad but my mum. They think the sun shines out of her *. She lives near us so they see her quite often. She spoils them, gives them treats etc. It drives me crazy, but I know it is because i am at the coal face and have to do the nasty jobs and they see her as someone who always does nice things.