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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dummies... Talk to me

19 replies

Doodle1983 · 09/02/2014 23:37

Me and my hubs having a disagreement at the moment. Baby is 8 days old and occasionally at night is grouchy after his bottle and is tricky to settle. Hubs wants to give him a dummy.. He seems so young! He has in fact given him one to have a little go on and he seemed to like it but I'm unsure if it's a route I want to go down.. I worry that we won't learn when he is hungry as we won't see him rooting... He suffers with mucus and I'm worried how that will affect him with a dummy in, but if he settles then is it worth it just to give him one ?

Thoughts ?

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GoshAnneGorilla · 10/02/2014 02:50

If you are breastfeeding it is wise to hold off on a dummy for now to avoid any confusion.

If you are bottle feeding, baby will spit out the dummy when they are hungry in order to let you know all about it

Newborns tend not to be able to keep a dummy in for long periods of time, but they do find them comforting IME.

EugenesAxe · 10/02/2014 04:07

My sister used a dummy from about the second night and successfully BF for over a year... but they aren't ideal. I don't know; I'd say if the feeding is going well you could try using it to help him settle but remove either just before he falls asleep or just after.

I think it's if babies are crying and people shove it in when they actually need food that issues may occur. Perhaps just have a mind to growth spurts and make sure you offer the breast more at those times rather than thinking your DS 'can't' be hungry (apologies as I'm sure you wouldn't but you may be reading Gina Ford in desperation...!).

Also think about you and DH as children - if you thumb sucked or similar it's likely you'll have a baby that 'needs' that kind of soothing. I did and both mine loved theirs but self weaned around 17m and 23m.

Original poster

Doodle1983 · 10/02/2014 07:31

I never really thought about a compromise - I figured as soon as we give him the dummy he wouldn't want to part with it. I could be more on board with the idea of letting him have it at night to soothe and then taking it away, rather than letting him sleep with it. I'll put my compromise to hubs and see how we go..

OP posts:

Jaffakake · 10/02/2014 07:53

We started using one as 1 week in ds would spend hours on the boob sucking for comfort & I (& my boob) was getting a bit fed up of it. We ended up bottle feeding from 12 weeks . 2.5 yrs later he still has it for sleeps. I don't really have a problem with it. He rarely goes out of the house with it & it hasn't ever caused us a problem with feeding. When they're hungry nothing wil put them off, no matter how young or old they are!

MyNameIsKenAdams · 10/02/2014 07:56

As far as I recall, they are effective in preventing cot death.

Dd is two and started having her dummy at about a week old as all she wanted to do.was suck - me or a bottle. so in the dummy went.

Now she has it when she is sleepy, sleeping, poorly or upset. thats it.

pinkapples · 10/02/2014 11:42

Hubby and I had this same conversation but I am extremely anti dummy so it was never really an issue for us as we never used it

It is meant to help prevent cot death but ultimately if it is going to happen it will dummy or not

I think it is complete personal choice however for me the risks were far more than any benefit

amyboo · 10/02/2014 19:17

DS1 had one from about 10 days old and was very happily and sucessfully breastfed till he was 5 months (when I went back to work). He only really ever had it for napping and sleeping and got rid of it by himself when he was 3. DS2 refused one until I stopped breastfeeding (at 6 months) then, much to our surprise, he suddenly took to it. He only has it for naps/sleeps too. I don't see the problem with it. It doesn't damage their teeth if use is restricted and if they're a sucky baby it can stop a lot of comfort sucking and/or crying. They're very common where I live (Belgium) - no judginess at all...

neversleepagain · 10/02/2014 19:23

They give tiny premature babies born at 26 weeks dummies in NICU, your baby is definitely not to small to give a dummy to.

Chivetalking · 10/02/2014 19:35

He'll let you know when he's hungry.

All mine had dummies from very early on, dc3 from birth.

Sanity savers.

HearMyRoar · 10/02/2014 20:04

Dd had a dummy from about 1 week and I bf until 18 months. In my experience dd had no problem spitting out a dummy and letting me know loud and clear if she was hungry.

We had a few reasons for choosing to give a dummy, dd had reflux and dummies can be soothing, I had a very heavy let down so dd found comfort sucking on me very frustrating and would just get increasingly annoyed and covered with milk.

Also dh and me were both hardcore thumb suckers. I still remember how hard it was to give up and the damage it did to my teeth. We were both desperate for dd not to start sucking her thumb, at least a dummy is easier to remove. You can't get rid of a thumb.

GingerDoodle · 10/02/2014 20:36

I tried a dummy at about a week in but she wouldn't take one until about 3 1/2 weeks. I mix fed until 7 months without issue.
DD is now 17 months and mostly has it when in buggy or cot (and when I am desperate!)

LittleMilla · 10/02/2014 20:40

Ds2 had one on and off for the first 4 months. I hated it tbh and when he got a cold and couldn't use it I decided not to reintroduce it. Caused more hassle for me I'm afraid - falling out, not being able to drop off without it. I reckon it made him more sucky if anything.

Saying that, it saved my sanity during some desperate times!

pamelat · 10/02/2014 21:12

I know they are a bit chav :) BUT for me they were a godsend and both our kids had them far too long.

DD had reflux and the dummy soothed her and helped her try to go between feeds

I breastfed both of them and the dummy didnt confuse them but they were hungry babies.

I'd say that its fine (and they do prevent or help to prevent cot death) I cant remmeber why but do away with them before we have (DS is 3 and "needs" it at bedtime)

NickyEds · 10/02/2014 21:27

I'm with HearMyRoar- My DS is a really sucky baby and I would really prefer he suck a dummy than his thumb- I think it's better for his teeth and at least I can be in control of the dummy- as opposed to his thumb. He has had it from 3 weeks (he's 7 weeks now) and only really has it to settle in his buggy- will completely reject it if he's hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, bored etc- only takes it if he's tired and only keeps it in for a few minutes. Can't believe it caused so much heartache with the "should we shouldn't we" in the first couple of weeks.

EugenesAxe · 11/02/2014 04:24

I'll also add that I was very worried about DD (DC2) being a perpetual dummy user. She wanted it all the time and I'm afraid I entirely failed to establish soother boundaries with her, really. She often had it during the day and at the end would ask for it ('dooder'). I noticed it was starting to affect her teeth; it certainly was beginning to have an impact on the amount of speaking she did. This was all between about 17-23m, when out of nowhere, she sort of self weened.

Anyway - the dentist said it was barely noticeable, that mouths are shifting about until about age 9, so even stopping use later ; age 3 or 4, for example, wouldn't necessarily have long term orthodontic repercussions.

I had heard that not stopping before 2 years tended to make the eventual withdrawal harder. I was all set for far more draconian rules about use of dummies from her 2nd birthday, and honestly it was one week before her birthday that I noticed she wasn't too bothered when we lost her dummy while out and about, so I just stopped using them. Cold turkey is generally best - for me there was always this little pointer to say it would probably be OK to just stop (DS bit holes in his).

I just wanted to share in case it went that way! It was totally unexpected.

Original poster

Doodle1983 · 11/02/2014 07:48

Thanks. We used the dummy last night when he needed an extra settle to help sleep. Literally sucked the life out of if for 2 mins and then fell asleep and the dummy fell out his mouth. He didn't wake until his feed was due. Same again happened during a night feed... I don't know why I was so worried. I can cope with 2 mins of dummy use age at a time . Great to hear all your advice thanks

OP posts:

Beccawoo · 11/02/2014 20:22

All babies are different. My ds, now 4, never took to a dummy and chose to suck his middle two fingers to self soothe till he was about 2. My dd however, now 2, will not be parted from her dummy. Sadly, her little face lights up when she is allowed it and she starts giggling..... It now stays in her bed for sleep times, although I usually have one in the car for long journeys too.... I'm hoping at some point she'll just grow out of it....

brettgirl2 · 12/02/2014 21:45

I just don't understand the issue. Take it off them at about 1, just because they have dummies as a baby doesn't mean they have to take them to soft play at 3 or take then out to talk in a supermarket trolley. dd2 I got rid at 11 months, dd1 17 months, found them so helpful when they were tiny.

cakehappy · 13/02/2014 22:27

I'm a big advocate of using the dummy if you've got a " sucky" baby. Our first DC LOVED the dummy. He obviously had a real insinct to suck and he got so much relief and comfort from it. We took it off him at 4 months with no real issue and I have never regretted it. I'm sure it was a huge contribution to his laid back nature as he was so happy sucking away on his dummy. Our new DD isn't really fussed about the dummy, she takes it in the car when she cries or at home in her bouncy chair from time to time, but really doesn't seem bothered one way or another. She actually prefers her fist to suck on...I actually think its unkind to withhold a dummy from a baby who has the need to suck on something. Dummy's are age old pacifiers for babies. The Inuits make dummy's out of cloth and whale fat. This isn't a new thing, babies wanting something to suck...why can't people give them this? The issue comes later...when they are toddlers and you have to take it off then. But that is still quite a ways away OP!

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