Co-sleeping

[SueH17]

Hi,

I've just read another thread about co-sleeping and transition to cot and admit I have exactly the same issue with our DS! He is 3 months old tomorrow and I started bringing him into our bed to feed in the early days and he has never moved out! As read on the earlier thread, it would be nice to have our bed back one day soon, plus I am getting fed up of everyone in the world (apart from one very honest family member who admitted her DS slept in their bed until 6 months!) telling me that co-sleeping is the worse thing I can possibly do! A lot of women have said that co-sleeping was the loveliest thing they ever did and was great for bonding and easy feeding, but there is a lot of guilt surrounding it. I think that as long as the LO is safe and cannot fall out and that you are not drunk or anything then what's the problem?! However saying all this, at some stage it is only natural that they will need their own bed and also we will need ours back! It will promote independence for them too. So at what age should I try the transition?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Sue xx

Saying that babies need independence is bollocks.....NO! They need closeness, comfort, touch.

None of my children have slept in a cot, not one
night. Co-sleeping for 2 years. Good for feeding, even better when they are ill, as their body temp regulates to yours.

Right now I am giving you permission to only listen you your heart over this, your baby, your choices.

You sound like you know all the safety issues.

Most people in the world co sleep, as having multiple rooms and beds is a first world privilege. X

I think the reason "they " are so anti co-sleeping is the risk of cot death is apparently significantly higher.

I personnally put my girls in their own cot and room from about pretty much day one. Only because having them in bed with me made it impossible for me to sleep and I didn't relish having to deal with "breaking the cycle" so to speak later on.

The only thing I would say is that every decision we make has concequences and it is up to each of us to decide which consequences are worth which reward.

I've gone for the halfway option - a bedside cot. Dd is right next to me, can hear each other breathe, reach out and touch each other without moving, really easy to pull her over for a feed but she still has her own space and gets used to the sides of a cot.
We've just put up the bars at nearly 8 months because she's moving so much that potentially dangerous when we're not with her and it's been fine, although a bit more hassle now for a feed but we do still reach for each other through the bars.
Long term plan is that when there's no more night feeding to move the cot but still in our room and then ultimately to her own room but will be guided by her when to make those steps.
Ps it doesn't have to be a specific bedside cot as long as you can remove one side. We find on our carpet it doesn't really move so it feels nice and safe and just use a rolled up blanket so there's no gap

I'm in no hurry to transition, DD is nearly 2. She has her own bed available when she wants it. As far as I'm concerned I'm happy to have cuddles with her as long as she wants. She won't still be wanting to share when she's 10! I do wonder if having that closeness at night contributes to her being miss independence in the daytime.
(it does help that i have no desire to share a bed with DH for sleeping purposes as he snores like a whole herd of elephants)

If anyone tries to tell you cosleeping is dangerous, you could point out that cot death is practically unheard of in cultures where cosleeping is the norm.

Have to say the idea of negative 'consequences' is potentially not true... It depends on why you've done it and your expectations. If it's convenient / your child sleeps better / you like the closeness etc etc then I can't see the problem. Tbh, I think a lot of intuitive more sensitive parents Co sleep as it helps build the bond between parent and child. Obv sex in bed at least is harder, as can be sleeping, but again it depends on your priorities. I wouldn't worry about the rod for your own back thing referred to below, would think it's more likely you'll end up with a lovely secure child!

Ds is 3 months and we Co sleep now, having got and not really used a bedside crib. I'd like him to sleep as well in his proper cot sometime soon, but we're going to transition in line with him and not rush. He's getting used to being in there in the day now, it's just one step at a time for us x

Just wanted to say to everyone thanks for all the lovely replies and advice. It's nice to know I'm not the only one out there co-sleeping!

Elderberri,
Your reply made me cry - it spoke from the heart and I feel absolutely right in what I'm doing now. So thank you! My mother and mother-in-law are full of advice about what you should and shouldn't do and I'm frankly sick of it! I shall go with what feels right. My DH doesn't seem to mind co-sleeping and when we feel our DS is ready, we may move him into a cot by our bedside, and then into his own room. But at the moment, we are all happy with the set-up and I love the bond we have. I have never felt very happy about cots as the bars make me feel like they are actually prisons and I can't see our LO being happy in one. I also don't like the idea of having to reach through bars to my LO. I shall see how we get on with him co-sleeping and move him (by using the half-way option as Stuckonarollercoaster used) when he is ready.

Catkind: I like the idea of telling anyone who says co-sleeping is dangerous that cot-death is practically unheard of in cultures where co-sleeping is the norm. I shall try this and see how many scowls I get!!

Mustardtomango:
Thank you for what you say in your reply. You are in the same position as we are as we also have a 3 month old and a crib which we only use for day-time snoozes! I totally agree that if co-sleeping promotes closeness and security then what's the problem, and it works for us. As you say, we will transition him when the time feels right.

I watched The House of Tiny Tearaways the other day and the psychologist was coaching the parents through getting their kids to stay in their own beds. I wasn't sure how old the toddlers were, but it was the usual thing of every time the child gets out of his/her bed and goes into their parents' room, they were marched back to their own room. I just hope this won't happen! But this is years away yet.

Thanks all.
xx

Sue do what you want and if your happy co sleeping then great just change it when it doesn't work for you & your family.

But the comment about bars on a cot being like a prison . . . . . really??

I am glad I helped in any way.

Be strong, and confident in your mummy instinct. X

I call co-sleeping "bed sharing" as co-sleeping for me is using a co-sleeper.

We bed shared until they were too big for the snuggle nest and then co-slept until they could sit up and/or fight their way out of a swaddle hold in a blanket.

My twins only moved into their shared crib when they turned around 10 months. And even though are in a cot, they have only just moved into their room at 16 months just so that their sleep isn't interrupted by new arrivals. They still share a cot and they are still video monitored.

Honestly, it's up to you, not your family or friends, but you and DH to decide when you feel comfortable enough to move them into a crib. If you're bed sharing have you tried a co-sleeper that attaches to the side of the bed? Maybe this is a better option for you if you are certain you want to stop bed sharing but not comfortable enough moving them to a cot.

We co sleep with 18 month old ds. He goes down at seven awake into his own cot in our room and settles himself to sleep. He wakes between ten and eleven at which point he gets into our bed for a feed and spends the night with us.

When he stops waking at night he will stop co sleeping I guess but we are happy for now.

I have two older children who never ever shared my bed, They didn't sleep any better or through any quicker.