Concerns about my daughter.

[DontWannaBeObamasElf]

My daughter is 14.5 months old. She can walk unaided however she has no words, doesn't point or wave, she can clap but mostly it's arm flapping. She doesn't seem to respond to her name as well as before and when it comes to her toys she just hits them together then throws them.

She'll look and move an object in her hand and just stare at it.

She loves books but is more than happy to sit herself with them. She has good eye contact and will beam when I look at her, she likes to find me when I hide and laughs a lot when she does.

She does make a "mmmmmm" nose and she seems to say "goh" a lot.

I'm waiting for my HV to call back and arrange an appointment to see her.

Also if I point and look at something she doesn't pay attention.

she has severely delayed speech/language (under 1st percentile); delays in lots of other areas. needs full time 1:1 support in school. learning difficulties etc. pretty complex girl. but soooo lovely

Reading of people's experiences is really helpful. Although, if she has ASD, it will be upsetting initially I know there is support out there for us, especially BabyElf. It won't be the end of the world, just a different journey. She's amazing, loves books and currently launching her dummy out of her bed and squeaking for me to get them. Wee bugger . Go to sleep!

Hi Don't,
It is hard on these threads to know what the right thing to say is.

My DD is 5 now and has SN.
I knew from a young age that something was 'wrong'. And like you would drive myself mad with watching her and putting behaviours in to the 'she has SN' or the 'she doesn't have SN' pile.

But what I remember most is the fear of what it would mean for our future and whether I would love her. That was my big fear. I didn't really voice it, but it was there lurking.

I cannot tell you whether your DD has SN or not. But someday the answer will become clear.
If she does have SN then life will be different to what you imagined and to other people. But you will love her and you will think 'stuff the stigma' because you are already putting her needs above your worries.

If I could go back to myself at your time I wish I had followed her lead more. My DD wouldn't really smile at me socially but would love being tickled and engaging in rough play. But that just reinforced my feeling something was 'wrong' so I didn't do it. I wish I had.

Good luck and just keep getting to know your daughter for who she is :)

ASD covers everything from classic ideas of autism to Aspergers (what Einstein is thought to have had, turning out to be surprisingly common) taking in a lot of related conditions like demand avoidance. It really is a huge spectrum, and I would be willing to bet you know at least one adult on it who has never been diagnosed and seems pretty normal, if eccentric - I'm being diagnosed now at 34. DM would say the way you have described your DD is how I was at the same age.

ASD isn't necessarily a particularly bad thing - I don't think mine is! And they don't all regress.

I know it is easy to say, but try not to panic (or Google too much) before you see the GP or even a specialist. It really might well be glue ear, or another hearing problem. My brother didn't speak til nearly three due to glue ear.

If I could wave a wand and make DSs AS disappear.....god it would be a toughie. It really would. I have to say I'd chicken out and leave it up to him because, well, him being not him is unthinkable.

Whatever the outcome of investigations OP, your DD will be perfect the way she is.

I know I've said it countless times but I am just so grateful for all you are doing for me. When I started this thread I was utterly terrified and crying. Now I feel much calmer. She's my baby, always will be and nothing will change my undying, never ending love for her.

She sounds just perfect to me. She's still so young, it will all suddenly come and you will wonder why you ever worried. By all means ask the hv and check with a professional but it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about .

Great post from Prince
Elf, it's very early days, and no-one can diagnose over the Internet, but it is clear that you have worries, so I think you are right to want to get things checked out. I'm not saying at all that your DD has SN, but I'd be a bit concerned that the HV has decided that there are no issues because of your DD's lack of stress, and the lack of issues with eye-contact. My DD has ASD and whilst her eye-contact isn't perfect, it's pretty good; and she has doesn't display stress/anxiety, even in unfamiliar surroundings. See how things go on Monday, but if you're not happy, ask for a referral to a developmental paed. You are probably already doing this, but start keeping a diary of behaviours etc.
FWIW, I was oblivious to the fact that my DD had any difficulties. I was aware that her speech was delayed, but I wanted to believe everyone round me saying that she would catch up in her own time. At her 2 year assessment, the HV referred her to speech & language therapy, and things moved on from there. The word autism terrified me, and I could not have imagined that it would ever come into my life. But it did. My DD has just turned 5, and she brings us so much happiness. She is at main-stream school, she is keeping up with the work, and she has friends.

Good luck to you and your DD, and she is so lucky to have you.

Hi don't, I wanted to post as I had very similar concerns about my DS at that age - no pointing, waving etc, no words. In fact I posted about it on here a few times (different user name back then). You sound very similar to me in the way you approach this- doing lots of research and being prepared for every outcome (I too am an anxious person). I think you are doing the right thing getting your DD checked out but I wanted to reassure you that my DS is nearly 3 now and totally NT, probably actually slightly advanced with his speech now. Some children are just slow starters and catch up - for eg. DS was well behind his peers for speech for ages and we had SALT then he had a massive development spurt and caught up and took over!

I would just say if you can, try not to become obsessed by the possibility she might have autism (I was and regret it). You can't actually know for definite for a while and can drive yourself crazy searching for clues or answers on the Internet (which is what I did). As others have said, whatever happens she is your little girl. Good luck.

I feel so overwhelmed with support. She's currently multi-tasking with a book, fisher price phone and a fake cake. Now she's raiding her toy box. She only stops to eat and sleep!

Very little experience of ASD but want to let you know DontWannaBeObamasElf that I'm thinking of you. You sound like a wonderful mum, and LittleElf sounds just gorgeous.

Best of luck.

Thank you, Innogen and Miaow.

I just had her up in her room and asked her where the flower was, she touched a flower sticker. Asked her again and she touched a different one. Could be a coincidence though.

It appears BabyElf sees herself as a mountaineer. She's just climbed onto the sofa for the first time and is attempting to use the remote to switch the tv on......She seems pleased with herself.

If it helps my DD doesn't answer to her name and attention to me and others is not always there... It's because she's pig ignorant

Relax until you speak more to HV and GP but you'll both be fine either way because she's perfect

my DD was similar, used to just point at things and didnt respond to her name. The HV came to visit and did some games/tests with her and said she was mentally forward for her age and not to worry that she would start to speak soon..and about 2 weeks later she started speaking in sentences! HV also recommended I start encouraging her to ask for things rather than just getting her what she wanted when she pointed . She is still a bit 'ignorant' thought and dosn't always reply when I speak to her...bad habit picked up from slightly deaf DP I think!

Just want to add a different perspective....

I was quite anxious about my first DS. He went through a phase of poor eye contact, lack of affection (I appreciate these aren't the same concerns as yours). I became more anxious and would then call his name to watch how he responded etc. - he turned away. It became a viscious cycle - I felt he wasn't responding normally and so would call his name more often and so on.

In hindsight, the little mite was probably just utterly pissed off at his mummy over stimulating him.

(No special needs issues, very affectionate now.)

I think you are doing the right think speaking to the GP, as its good to be reassured. And just in case there is an issue, it's picked up early.

FWIW she sounds totally normal to me.

Good luck x

We're not long back from the HV. She is being referred for hearing tests but we're both in agreement that she can hear fine, she just doesn't always respond to what she hears.

Her motor skills are at an 18 month level but hearing/speech etc were quite a bit below where she should be.

The HV said there were some promising things as BabyElf found a spoon that had been hidden and put it to her mouth and that she can drink from a cup herself is good too.

She'll review her again in two months to see how she's doing but to not worry yet as she may well catch up as some babies don't do what the milestones say until 18-20 months.

Oh and the HV would expect her to open the cupboards and play with the leaflets in the room but she didn't. She did take a while to warm up to a new place, so much so that the HV wasn't sure if she'd be able to assess her with the objects.

So are you glad you went? I think at 14.5 my DD was a little below what she should be but now she's above for the same things as your DD. Is that good that she didn't go through the leaflets? I don't get it

Well that's what I thought? She saves her hell raising for home! I'm very glad I went and that I've been taken seriously. And also that the HV is going to be keeping an eye on things.

One part she was marked down as a 2 month level, possibly hearing as she didn't always respond to her name.

Hey been reading threw the thread, my ds will be 3 in May and was diagnosed last month with autism.
I first brought up his lack of speech last January (19 months) and was told the would come along they didn't and we lost the ones he had.
In July back at the paediatrician I brought up the lost words no eye contact, my ds couldn't understand anything, couldn't clap point wave use a spoon or draw and didn't realise people where around him.
Sent for hearing test in September (normal) SALT assessment October started him in a speech group for under 3s.
Our hv the whole time telling me he would not be seen by specialist until he was 3 but because of the above refereed him and we went last month and they told us he is on the autistic spectrum ( I knew in my head he was for a year.
He's the nice part my ds started nursery in September due to his needs, and 5 months later his eye contact is amazing, he can show me what he wants or needs, he now cuddles me and his dad and people he knows, in the last week started giving me kisses, he loves attention now he can also clap his hands for the first time in his life he can use a spoon and so much more things.
For the last year I thought there was nothing that was going to work but I fought for the right services that he was entitiled to phoned the doctors hospitals almost everyday and it's paid off, my ds still can't talk but we know he has his own me language as he sings the thomas tune.
We have a long way to go but it's amazing how much all the help actually helps.
I hope your lo does catch up and that she is not autistic but if she is then I can promise the little things you wait for are amazing as most people would take these little milestones for granted I can't as they feel so good when they do x

I really do wish you all the best with this. Keep us updated with her progress and anything HV says please.

My DD rarely responds to her name if she's busy doing anything/there's something remotely more exciting than us about. She may just be quirky but either way she's perfect xx

Thank you, Babie. Very reassuring. And I do notice that she won't respond if she's doing something else.