What is the right way to potty train?

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

I understand that I should stick dd in knickers, have the potty close to hand, lots of praise on producing anything in the potty. However , should I

(1) do it at a certain age, regardless, or
(2) do it when she starts telling me she is or needs to wee/poop

What happens if I think one way and my Childminder thinks the other?

What if that CM has done it her way for 25 years?

What if that CM is my bloody mother?

And what the fuck if she decides to do it without consulting me first?

Debated putting this in AIBU.

I went with 2. And it took one false start. However, once we were over that hurdle, all went well. Four months on we have the occasional blip but they have all been my fault for saying 'hold on a minute'.

As CM is your mother, hopefully she'd be more understanding of your requirements?

The official empirical research suggests there is a natural time for a particular child to get it. You can start a year before, or a day before.

I apparently started the day before with DS1 - he was totally on board, asked to give up nappies, and has had about two accidents in his life.

DS2 asked at a much younger age and is still learning despite using the same method. He has not yet reached the age at which DS1 started. He wets more per week than DS1 has in two and a half years.

I think girls are different though.

Gosh. There isn't a right way is there? I'd say when the child is ready but presumably your mother disagrees...

Have yo disagreed on other things re. CMing? My parents have been our childcare for 10 years but have not interfered with things like this so I haven't had to deal with anything similar. But if you disagree over various parenting type things have you been able to talk to her before?

Obviously that should have been you, not yo

This is our first disagreement since she started going there at 8mo. She is 2.1 now. DM started making noises at 2 as to potty training "at two its into knicks to get them learning what it feels like".

We have a self catering week away at half term which involves long drive there, and lots of time in the car. I want to wait until, at the earliest, we get back feom that.

Yet today on collection dd was in knickers and had four accidents in the time I was there (about 45mins). Not once did she say or do anything before peeing/pooping, just opened her legs in surprise at what was happening.

Oh dear. My dd is telling me that she needs a wee. I think she needs training. But I wouldn't before! With my ds I had to persuade him but he was nearly 3.

Dd is just 2.

Put on potty just before bath.
Express delighted astonishment at slightest drip produced.

That's the stage your daughter has reached.

Is DM an actual cm or does she just care for DD informally?

If it's your mother that cleans poo then I would go with what she wants to do. Do you pay her the going rate? If yes, then you can argue. DC was potty trained by a teacher at the nursery when they suggested it was time. I thought they would know better.

Dm is a registered, Ofsted'd CM. I pay her a discounted rate.

Yes, she obviously does the cleaning up etc. However we are not prepared to start yet due to the holiday and feeling she isnt ready....so wont dd be confused being in nappies with us and knicks with dm?

Your Mum/CM has lots of experience BUT there is a huge age range during which children potty train. 2 is a bit of a magic number these days, but some will get it earlier some much later.
Personally I'd wait until you get more clues that your DD is feeling the sensation of toileting and I would put if off for a little while if it's going to be massively inconvenient for accidents to occur.
Whilst many people advocate not going between pants/nappies, if your DD hasn't got a clue either way I wouldn't worry about allowing your Mum to try to potty train her this way when she is with her and put her back in nappies when she's with you until you're/she's ready to take them away. Don't tell her I said so

It doesn't sound as if your dd is ready if she wees that many times in 45 minutes! If your mum wants to clean up endlessly let her but she should listen to you and respect your decision.

Pressure from other people is an awful thing. You know your dd better than anybody so be led by her. When you think she's ready, try it. It's loads easier doing it when they're ready. If it's not going well, stop and try again in a couple more months. I had the opposite problem. My cm needed convincing that ds was ready. He was nearly 3. He was pretty much dry within 4 days and we found it very easy. Just took a really relaxed approach and encouraged him to sit regularly on the potty, loads of praise when it worked and a little bribery by way of encouragement. Chocolate buttons worked for us, but would not have if ds hadn't been ready.

try for a week. If it's not working back to nappies until you feel she's ready to try again. We had 3 goes spaced between about 5 months, and hit the jackpot with the last go when she just turned 3.

I don't know how old you DM is but don't forget that back in the day before disposables etc children were got out of nappies much earlier (nappy rash, drying nappies etc being a drag) but often that simply meant chasing the child around with a potty trying to catch the wee/poo.

What's her communication like? I wouldn't bother starting until she is able to tell you when she's done a wee or a poo in her nappy - take that as a starting point.

Her communication is exvellent - I vouldnt begin to count all the words she knows and we talk in full sentences to one another. However she doesnt tell.me when she needs to.or has done a pee or a poo.

She is rather tall and added to her speech, seems much older, and I worry that she is being rushed due to it just seeming that sje should be there by now.

My DD refused to entertain potty training until she was over 3. Very few accidents once she made the transition to pants.

ok, so she is capable of telling you if she'd wee'd or poo'd (in that she has the speech to do so) so if she isn't it means she isn't particularly aware of it - that seems to me a clear sign that it's too early. 2.1 does seem quite early to me, though probably not to your mum! Stick to your guns and say you'll decide when you think she's ready to go.

There isn't a right/wrong way or time as far as I'm concerned which is common for every child. Each individual child is different.
For me.
dd1 trained overnight at 22 months. A older friend told her she was a baby because she wore nappies, and she took her nappy off and that was it for daytime, she had one accident after that. She went bare bottomed for a week, and then wore pants. She was a lot older for night.

dd2 was dry at night at 15 months. However she asked to train at 23 months. She was much more awkward, mostly because the call of "we're going out (on the bus) please go to the toilet before we go" was often met with a flat "no". She wore lined pants, so one wee would be held in it, for such occasions, for ages, nearly a month. She just wanted to decide when she went, which wasn't always convenient. Looking back, I probably should have left it a couple of months, as I think she'd have been easy then.

ds I had a problem. his birthday's end of June. I had to meet the girls from school, which, as they were separate infant/juniors 30 minute walk apart, meant that pick up/drop off from schools was often over 90 minutes. With no toilets available except at the schools. That's not realistic for a just potty training child.

So I knew that I had to do it over the holidays. I chose to give it a try the summer after he'd turned 2yo, on the basis that gave me another holiday to try if he clearly wasn't ready. He didn't want to particularly, but was happy to go along with it and trained in two days. He trained at night 6 months later. But he wanted to go bare bottomed at home for ages because he liked to do it himself, but struggled with even loose trousers.