Scared in his own home

[wishiknewtheanswers]

My 10yr old has had issues that are getting worse and have gone on for over 2yrs. I want to get him help but my husband says no (separate issue) My son will not go thro the dining room to go to the kitchen or loo and will not go upstairs at all alone, day or night. He cant tell me why he feels like this and I feel I am letting him down. It effects family life a lot at home as someone has to take him to the loo, or to get drinks/snacks etc. I fear leaving him as my hubby believes we should just make him go on his own - would he wee himself if no-one took him, I don't know. On a night time he cant get to sleep even with lights or music, I'm running out of ideas..........has anyone got any?

Is it something he's seen on TV that's scared him? It sounds like he's been upset by something and it has escalated to become a big problem and is now out of proportion.

Does he have any special needs - is he anxious about other things?

My first thought was that he'd seen something on the TV that has upset him. My 5 year old has similar issues eg wants me to go with him to the toilet, dashes from room to room, won't go upstairs by himself and follows me around when we are both up there. We compromise now and I stand at the bottom of the stairs while he uses the loo. I remember being scared of the upstairs of my house when I was a child, something about it being datrk and cavernous I think. Does he respond to reward charts at all?

I think you're right. I think he needs help. At least you (his parents) could speak to someone to get ideas on how to lessen his anxieties/fears without making them worse. Really though, it sounds like he needs to speak to someone.

Has something very traumatic (abuse/bereavement/assault) happened to him that would explain such extreme fear? Its very common in 5 year olds but by 10, no.

I was very freaked out by the landing as a kid. It was very irrational and I knew it. I used to say I was scared of the flying pigs. Even as a teenager a frisson would pass over me as i walked past the bottom of the stairs. The light always had to be on on the landing. By 10 I was certainly embarrassed enough never to mention it but I still always kept the light on. My parents probably teased me a little about it when I was older and when I went to uni mum gave me a wooden flying pig hanging ornament she had found. I think that cured it! Though am still not keen on stairs, hallways and landings in the dark.

I would def try to get to the bottom of it but don't be surprised if it is totally random or irrational. That strength of reaction is pretty unusual in a 10yr old though so i can see why you're worried. I wouldn't make him go totally on his own if he's genuinely freaked out without having got proper advice - immersion therapy or whatever it's called is used to treat phobias, but I wouldn't try it if I wasn't trained.

We moved to this house when dd was 12. She wouldn't go upstairs at all on her own... I actually just went along with it, but after a while I did the 'half way up the stairs' chatting all the time. Gradually it just sort of went away.

I'm not sure this is a getting help issue. I would just not make a deal about it and it will pass. There are very few 15 year olds who would want their mother taking them up to the loo.