Am I expecting too much for them to remain at the table at meal times until I say so? (nearly 4 and 2)

[oliveoil]

I have battles constantly

sit down
get back on your chair
you have not FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

etc etc etc

so they roam around the room and pop back to the table for more food, then roam a bit more

dd1 is 3, will be 4 in October
dd2 is 23 months

Should I just ignore it and pick my battles on something else? Are they too young?

our dinner rules sound just like Eidsvold, though we don't always stick to them. but we have found that with 3 (and often a visiting 3yo neice), if you just let them down it prompts an immediate exodus of all the children, and nothing gets eaten. hence we have Written House Rules, even the 2yo can cope with it. but she is an unusually easygoing 2yo.

yes I agree, if one gets down, the other one does

Puddle SNAP

sounds like our house!
I try not to get stressed about it (and fail most of the time) but now I tend to go with the "if you get down then you've finished so the rest of the meal goes in the bin and no more til tea time" line.
Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't - I think alot of it depends on how hungry they are, how tired they are and what else they want to do.

Ds1 (4) is alarmingly good and will stay where he is until he's told he can leave - he always asks and depending on how much he's eaten he can leave or not. He hates doing the So What's Been The Best Bit Of Today thing, so attempts to eat as quickly as possible and then escape - usually now to outside with his friends.

Ds2 sits on a Handysitt - he hated highchairs as well but the Handysitt has the advantage of not looking like a highchair, but still have a strap around his waist, so he's stuck until we relaase him!

Mine have always been stuck in chairs that they can't climb out of

so resistance is futile - it's great because they are happily to sit for at least an hour before getting fidgety

no help to you of course

now where's that [smug] emoticon

Actually - ds1 is worringly anal about rules. We got him a digital clock for his room last week and told him we didn't want to hear any noise from him or any getting up until the first number was a 7. It's worked a dream, until this morning I woke up stupidly early and went to get a coffee at 6.30am and he got really cross and told me off for being up before the number 7 appeared!

Judd - Good idea! I'm trying that.
I do try the "if you leave the table it's going in the bin" but need to be more consistant.
DS1 (4) had tea at my friends this week and ate it all up and cleared the table of all the other children's plates. Why do they never do that at home?

Dottydot - how old is your DS2? Mine is 2.3 and we too have a Handysitt - it's great. However DS2 can now undo the strap and takes great pleasure in climbing out and onto the table. I think only a straitjacket will actually restrain him!

I do do the if you get down then the meal is finished and clear it away. Ifthey get down before pudding - then its no pudding I'm afraid . They have soon learnt and now they do soemtimes get down before pudding - but they have had enough to eat if they do (they re 3 and 5.5 BTW)
But I have been v strict with DS about this for ages now and DS who just eats bless her is very used to it and doesn't complain

I meant DD who is 3 just gets on with it - oops

way too young. dont stress over it. wh not all just eat on the floor instead. when they bothget to school nursery age then maybe do it.

ds2 is 2.3 as well, but hasn't worked out the strap yet! Usually the sight of food distracts him - he likes his food...The nursery are amazed at how much he's continuing to eat, even though it's boiling hot most of the others have lost their appetite...

DD (4y3m) is not allowed to get down fromt he table during her meal, and never has been. We stopped using the harness on her highchair somewhere bewteen 12 and 18 months and the rules started then. If we are having a longer meal, maybe with family/friends or DHa nd I are chatting, then she can ask to leave the table. But once down that is it - her meal time has finished and she has to go and play quietly.

Whether you ignore it or not depends on how important it is to you. This is important to us, especially as we eat out regularly with DD, so she has to know to stay at the table.

When out for a meal then we do give DD something to do - colouring, etc. - at the table. If you want to keep them at the table you can try that.

Just give up - it's not worth it. As one book says, "you've never heard of a toddler die of starvation" (or something like that). Our house sounds exactly the same. Today, DS age 2 had nothing for breakfast, nothing for lunch, a cheese string early afternoon, and a chicken nugget and a smiley face (yes, decided to go for lowest common denominator food in effort to get him to eat something!) for tea before giving the rest to his sister and wandering off. Our main problem is "what are they getting up to?" once they leave the table, so we can't relax!!

Just give up - it's not worth it. As one book says, "you've never heard of a toddler die of starvation" (or something like that). Our house sounds exactly the same. Today, DS age 2 had nothing for breakfast, nothing for lunch, a cheese string early afternoon, and a chicken nugget and a smiley face (yes, decided to go for lowest common denominator food in effort to get him to eat something!) for tea before giving the rest to his sister and wandering off. Our main problem is "what are they getting up to?" once they leave the table, so we can't relax!!

Oops, sorry about double post. But while I'm at it, both DD (3) and DS (2) constantly have nursery reports saying "ate well", and at parties also "eat well", plus anything that comes in a children's box at cafes DD eats well (DS doesn't - tries to eat crisps and choc then wanders - or runs! off).

PPS - "We don't allow it". Ha ha, neither did we, but it still happened despite all our efforts. Count yourself lucky if "you don't allow it" and they stay at the table - you're not ace parents, just bloody lucky!!

Do you know I sort of have a problem with this staying at the table malarky - find it so pointless and rule bound, but social pressure means that I try half heartedly to enforce it at our house (even though my heart really isn't in it)

We ate outside tonight .. dd (4.0) and ds (2.3) kept getting up and down for varuios spurious reasons, and I found myself repeating parrot fashion - "sit on your bottom and eat your dinner", but really I personally don't give a flying - as long as they eat a reasonable amount of nutritionally balanced meal.

I instill 'table manners' because society expects it and I don't want them to be socially excluded - but really I think it's a croc of pointless . Am I really the only person who thinks like this? (and yes I am a little bit pissed but that doesn't negate what I am saying - hic)

My 2 are older now but I tried as early as possible to get them to say if they were finished or had enough. They show me their plates and I say OK or eat a bit more. i.e. "Come on just a couple more mouthfuls"

If there is desert they have to sit up until we are all finished (now I send them to get desert to stop them fidgiting about while I finish as I am quite slow).

If no desert they are free to go, but must leave other diners including sibling in peace.

I wouldn't make it a battle but set realistic guidelines for table manners and commen sense rules to help you keep your sanity. At nearly 4 I wouldn't allow getting up and down in between eating the same course. Keep it calm and non screechy or there is no incentive for them to come near you at meal times . Try to stay relaxed and chatty even if you really want to bang yor head off the table.

Oh mine are free to go as soon as they've finished (2 and 5)