Am I expecting too much for them to remain at the table at meal times until I say so? (nearly 4 and 2)

[oliveoil]

I have battles constantly

sit down
get back on your chair
you have not FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

etc etc etc

so they roam around the room and pop back to the table for more food, then roam a bit more

dd1 is 3, will be 4 in October
dd2 is 23 months

Should I just ignore it and pick my battles on something else? Are they too young?

Well, I'm sure masses of people will post saying oh no their children sit immaculately eat a balanced meal and then politely wait till everyone has finished (possibly while talking about Everyone's Day and Things That Are Bothering Them) but, er, here in the Inferiority Complex I kind of veer between a simulacrum of civilised behaviour (ie NO STAY ON YOUR CHAIR) and, er, giving up. And mine are 3 and 5

Not sure - I'm keen on mine staying at the table till they've finished too. DS (2.7) is still just about fitting behind the bar of his Tripp Trapp, so doesn't have any choice in the matter. DD mostly sits, except if she's finished eating and we're waiting for DS to finish, then sometimes she gets a bit antsy. Can you bribe them with something (raisins, grapes, bits of apple) that can be eaten away from the table if they sit there till you say they can get down?

Actually in our house DH is the one who gets up and wanders off - drives me mad, because I can't tell him to sit down in the same way .

I would go for the once you get down you've finished and clear their plates, scrape into the bin.

lol

yesterday they sat at the little table in the living room instead of the playroom/dining room as it was too hot (sun hits it all day)

dh comes home from work to me red faced and screeching, brocolli all over the floor etc

dd1 was put on the stairs crying 'but I am not hungry' so we took the food away and it ruined him coming home from work tbh

dd2 copies anything dd1 does so dd1 gets the brunt of the telling off as well

sigh

too young
save yourself a stomach ulcer, chill out

Well we still have this with a 7 and a nearly 3 year old.
The 7 year old can exist on air so our enforced "if you are full then nothing til the next meal" policy seems to have no effect;
and he also doesn't do it at school or in restaurants, so it is obvious our preferences have registered in his boy brain somewhere.

It's the same in our house OO. I do think they should sit for a reasonable time, ask to get down when they have finished, then not come back.
And I do spend a lot of time barking at them about it

But seeing how ds is at restaurants/other people's houses reassures me that it's the right lesson to teach them. Dd will get there I think.

So we say the right stuff all the time but don't go ballistic when it finally goes pear-shaped.

at what age are they expected to behave like The Waltons then?

dd2 has hated a high chair since she was about a year old so sits on the same chairs we all do so can escape

I think don't make it a battleground but let them know that's what they should do and how happy it makes you etc etc and gradually as they get older they will do it naturally (I think). I think 4 year olds should be able to sit at the table and eat without too much fuss but 2 year olds are harder to pin down. Lots of praise for the "good" 4 year old and maybe extra treat (bribery is GOOD!) and hopefully the 2 year old will learn by the older one's example. Maybe?

JackieNo, I have a husband who will read at the table given half a chance . He gets barked at too, sometimes by all three of us
My children know what they should be doing at table, they just don't always do it

But from my experience stressing and screeching never works (kbear screech? never!!!!) and ruins mealtimes for everyone!

I had dgs here regulaly minding him 2/3 days a week and no high chair so had to encourage him to stay sitting on the sofa to eat, between 9months and now he is 2.3...if we sat with him for our meals then he did get the idea..and he is a very active "lively" child. He just got used to the idea after a while.

When we go for meals (ha! when?????), dd1 sits very nicely but dd2 is, er, bribable for a short while.

we have two weddings coming up......>

ARRRGGGH at men who read at table. I like reading at table but have instituted a rule of no reading when we're all there (evenings are different. We're too knackered to hope for a civilised exchange anyway).

So DsoddingP sneaks in reading whenever he feels he can get away with it, or justifies reading the Economist as 'it's a newspaper really'.

(Actually DsP would be quite happy to let the Inferiorettes eat every meal dossing in front of the telly )

Oh if it is just the two of us MI we both read away! Anything rather than talk to each other

Oh yes, my DH would read and often is on the computer or checking his emails on his mobile. Very rude, and he's often told off by DD for it. As Marina says, they pretty much know what they should be doing, but it doesn't always happen.

How would you feel about them doing something at the table until everyone has finished? Mine are 4.5 and 2.2 and when they reckon they have had enough, I whip their plates away smartish. If they howl, I bring them back for a second try. If they are not bothered, I then tell them (usually DS, DD takes an age to eat) that I'll get them a jigsaw or book to look at until we are all finished at the table. This means that I can finish eating with everybody in the same place, not wondering what destruction a 2 year old is causing upstairs on his own! (it can mean that your jigsaws get sticky though...)

I always feel faintly guiltily that we should be nurturing Our Relationship, and/or sorting out the practical details which work so much better, I find, when communicated by email

I would say no, don't expect them to sit there like little angels but I do think you should keep making them come back to sit nicely until they've finished. They'll get the hang of it eventually.

Our rules are:

• you ask before getting down and once you've got down that's it. If you get down then you have finished eating and any food left is taken away
• you sit nicely and wait for everyone else to finish their dinner before you get your pudding
• if you get down from the table before pudding you don't get any

The problem we have had is that ds (6, a good but fast eater)will wolf his dinner and then gets fed up waiting for dd (3 a very slow easily distracted eater). if I let him get down before her she immediately thinks she's had enough too. We have to reinforce the rules to stand any chance of getting her to eat a full meal.

I honestly think it helps if you all eat together - our two are much better behaved when we are eating as a family than when they eat on their own.

I also put dd back in a high chair at one point (probably around 2.5 - she has a tripp trapp so we just put the front bit back on) when she was constantly getting down.

OO - it is probably a bit too late in the day to introduce it but have you considered a booster chair for DD2? DD (2.2) has sat in one since 12 months because I was sick of the huge lump of high chair cluttering up the kitchen. But mine stay put until everyone has finished. As often as not it is me that is last because I am faffing around "chopping" DD's food because she has a paddy if it is pre-chopped or getting more drinks or whatever. DS is 5 and quite good for this although he had a whinge the other week when my nephew was allowed to get down and he wasn't.

dd (2.10)is allowed down between main & pudding, but once she gets down from main/pudding, it's cleared away. unfortunately dh thinks putting his feet on chair/table, wandering around & reading are ok, he's beginning to get the idea though, after dd sent him to the naughty step! (i blame his mother)

thanks everyone, I think I may go a bit easier on this one for a while then [soft arse emoticon]

Bozza - I tried the booster chair but she used to lean on the sides of it to get out and the chair would tip alarmingly, so I stopped using it.

dd2 is 20 months and still in a high chair - she stays up until we are happy she has finished.

Dd1 (almost 4)is in a booster seat and again - she has to ask to get down and if we are not happy with how much she has eaten - she stays there until she has..... having said that - not rigid rule - if they really are not hungry or in the mood to eat - we let them down but clear their food away - maybe they can have some toast or something later if they are really hungry later.

no real stress - as long as dd1 has said she has eaten enough and asks politely to get down - she can get down - but no getting back up and picking at dinner.