What should I do??

[welshnat]

I have a few concerns about my almost 2yo DS so will put them all on here and hope some posters can come up with some experiences/advice.

1. From a young age Ds has always had a very bad temper (runs in the family) and has thrown himself backwards no matter where he is. This would result in either having to catch him at the last second if he was in our arms, or him hitting his head on our laminate floors. Thankfully this phase has now passed but he has learnt a far more worrying (in my opinion) behaviour. When he does not get his way he head butts the nearest thing to him. This could be me, the sofa or the worst is the living room wall. So far I have ignored this behaviour on my HV's advice but I am finding it so hard to ignore him screaming and hurting himself. Does anybody know how I should handle this?

2. He is an obsessive thumb sucker. He sucks his thumb for about 50% of the day. It has gotten to the point that his thumb has a large lump which has been there since he was very young. He had a dummy from birth until 6 weeks, at which point he found his thumb and refused the dummy. I can already see that his front teeth are being pushed forward and want to try and get him out of this habit. My HV said that she has no advice and that he will grow out of it, but his DF/DGF both sucked their thumbs until they were 9/10 and as a result have awful teeth.

3. I don't know if I am worrying about nothing but DS doesn't really speak a lot. He will be 2 in February, so what should his vocabulary be like at this point? He says around 10-15 words but he just points/nods his head/says no for any question, or if he wants something. I am starting him in nursery 2 afternoons a week in the new year to try and get him in an environment with other children talking to try and encourage him.

Thank you anybody who has stayed with me through this thread, and I hope that some of you can give me some advice - even if it is to just relax and stop worrying

1. Sounds pretty normal. My DS used to hit his head on the floor, ignore, ignore and ignore some more. If he is having tantrums, try to limit or completely cut out sugar, make sure he has enough sleep at night and a nap in the day and have a read if this for another perspective

Try teaching him some basic signs, like more and milk.

1. Not got much experience of thumb sucking but is he registered with a dentist? If so, I'd discuss it with them. Have you tried the potions that you can get from the pharmacy to stop thumb sucking?

Has he been checked for tongue tie? Just wondering as one of the signs is a need to constantly suck.

1. Again I'd try to teach him a few signs. Did you know that you can self refer to SLT? Our dd had speech delay and in my experience going to nursery made no difference what so ever. In fact it could have the effect of making him even more frustrated and tired. I'd give this serious consideration. If I had my time again I wouldn't have sent dd until she had been assessed by SLT. If you want him to mix with other children, does he not do this now?

From what you've said he could just be in the realms of normal, but if you are bothered enough to consider nursery then I think an assessment by SLT should be in order. I'd also get his eyes checked and his hearing too. Best to rule these out

Actually do you think his hearing is good? Because he might have glue ear which could explain the rages (ie he can't explain himself) and speech.

Also does he sleep well or snore? If he snores he could have enlarged adenoids which means he cannot breathe properly at night - this will make him tired and very grumpy.

Does he watch a lot of tv? Do you have it on a lot or the radio as background noise? If so, you need to cut right down and concentrate on talking with him properly. Also reading stories as well

Anyway just a few ideas before its written off as the terrible 2s as it doesn't seem normal to me.

Thanks both you have given me some good advice. I will try and answer any questions:

He sleeps 12/13 hours a night and most days doesn't nap. I put him down each day to nap but most times he just amuses himself until I get him an hour later.

He has never been checked for tongue tie but I had to give up bf after 4 days as it was so painful. I don't know if it's the same as tongue tie but where the top of his lip attaches to his gums there is no gap between the teeth and the flap (don't think I'm describing that very well) but my mouth there is a gap between teeth and lip flap thing

He had his hearing checked at by HV when a baby. I am pretty sure his hearing is fine, although he does sometimes take a few attempts to get him to notice me but I think he is just concentrating on other things.

We do watch CBeebies for around 1/2 hours a day and he does try and sign along to Mr Tumble and some others so I think I will look into sign language.

He mixes with other children well, but does not get a lot of chance to mix with children his own age, mostly older cousins who are 5/6.

I have tried reading him stories before bed but he never seems interested and will just pull the book/rip pages. But I could maybe think about books on tapes if you think that could work just as well?

I think I need to cut down on tv time and am going to start with that tomorrow.

He doesn't snore unless he has a particularly bad cold.

I talk to him a lot through the day, as a single mother he is the only conversation I get some days. I usually give a running commentary of what we are doing. Ask him questions and always give him choices, trying to get him to repeat after me but he very rarely does.

Sorry what is an SLT? I have kind of thought it was just one of those things but have been doing some research tonight and I think I should at least get a medical opinion. Do you think a HV or GP is best?

SLT is speech and language therapy and you don't need to go through your go or HV, you can self refer. However you might want to talk to your GP or HV, talk about your concerns and talk about another hearing check.

Do you think he may have upper lip tie? If you google it loads of images should come up. If so, it's extremely unusual to have upper lip tie without tt and both run in families. It might not be an issue but from what you've said it sounds like its worth getting him checked

I have googled upper lip tie and it looks exactly like that! I wish that I had pushed to find out why I couldn't breast feed now I would have been able to get it looked into sooner.

He does seem to want to talk, but is unable to and then gives up, if you see what I mean.

I have the HV clinic tomorrow so will make an appointment and ask for her to look him over, and hopefully either put my mind at ease or try and get it sorted.

Sounds likely then, especially with his need to suck and your difficulties with bfing and his difficulty with speech. Did you also have trouble getting him to eat solis by any chance?

Yes, do talk to your HV but bear in mind that many HCPs know very little to nothing about upper lip tie and tt. I really would push for a referral to slt too.

It might also be worth getting the lip tie and tt revised. Milk matters (in my previous link) should be able to tell you more.

I have got a number for my local hospital's speech and language department so will ring them tomorrow just for some advice about referrals and will also see my HV. I am wide awake thinking what a bad mother I am that I've left it this long, how it might affect him when he's older because he's not started talking. I've had a feeling for a while now that there was a reason he had a speech delay but never pushed it because my ex DS's dad always said I was just worrying over nothing.

You aren't a bad mother at all, you have recognised that he might need additional support and are motivated to get it, a bad mother probably wouldn't have even noticed

You are also doing a lot better than me, it took me a lot longer to realise about the upper lip tie and tt was affecting my ds

But I noticed the upper lip tie from a very young age but having not looked in any other babies mouths I thought it was normal and just changed when they grew, so I could have done something a lot earlier.

How old was your DS when he was diagnosed with it? Has he had an operation to fix either? Did it affect his speech?

Thank you so much for your advice and for just replying, it's really helping me a lot.

Get his ears looked at - the hearing test as a baby wouldn't pick up glue ear. This happens later and basically a build up of mucus etc making it hard for toddlers to hear.

How do they check for glue ear? He had a bad ear infection about a month ago and ended up in hospital with febrile convulsions, so his ears have been looked at. Or is it something more than just flashing a light in them?

Haven't got any experience of glue ear but when DD was referred to SLT she was also sent for a proper hearing test, it came back fine but really is worth getting done.

And you are not bad for not doing anything about the upper lip tie, it runs in families so I have it too and also thought it was normal. DS hasn't had it revised but was very unsettled as a baby, woke every night until he was 5, wouldn't eat lumpy food or finger food until he was 10 months and still has speech therapy at 9 I really regret not getting it done.

Another hearing test. My ds had "dull ear drums" which, despite being looked at by two different doctors, was only picked up by one. It meant he had mucus build up after colds etc but it cleared.

Well I took DS to the GP today, she said that it definitely looks like upper lip tie. We have been referred to a facial surgeon, a speech therapist and also a hearing test. I am just so happy that something is being done about it so fast. Although she did say the lip tie may have nothing to do with his lack of speech, and he may just be a slow talker, and will catch up later on. Thank you so much everyone for your advice.

That's great news and good that your GP is on the ball!

Wow what a great GP, I don't think you could have got a better result

She is amazing, she has only been at the practice for about 3 months and I have seen her twice and I don't have a single fault. My cousin with 4DC has also been to see her and she is also singing her praises.

I hope she stays my little secret though, as otherwise it will be even more impossible to get a bloody appointment!