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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Understanding the word 'no'

14 replies

Wildwaterfalls · 01/12/2013 19:44

DD is 15 months and if we tell her 'no' (eg, no, we don't throw food on the floor, no, don't climb on that) she giggles and does it again.

I'm guessing she's a little young to understand 'no' and possibly enjoys the attention that goes with it!

Just wondering when your toddler started understanding that no means no, and if we should persist or just ignore eg food throwing (not climbing or other dangerous things obv).

Thanks

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ziggiestardust · 01/12/2013 19:47

I think it depends how you say it. Deepen your voice a little and give a good firm 'no'. Move DC away from the situation, or take away offending item, and don't make a fuss about it.

I think it's worth persisting for behaviour you don't like; so throwing food etc. If DS threw food, I'd take it away or it becomes a game.

People might think I'm being harsh there, but I think if they're throwing food; they're not hungry or they don't really want it anyway. I did it with DS and it only took a few times before he got the idea.

ziggiestardust · 01/12/2013 19:50

Also, it helps to have a little look that goes with the 'no'. You remember the one your mum used to give you when you were naughty?! Yeah, that one!

Now, when we're out in public and DS does something, I only have to give him 'that' look and he stops what he's doing right away.

I think if you're upping the 'no' quota in your day, it's definitely worth reinforcing the positive stuff they're doing, with lots of yes-ing and smiling. That way, you're not just constantly saying 'no'!

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 01/12/2013 19:52

I had a look too, and a finger.
15 mths is not at all too young to understand no, but you need to mean it, and not (eg) laugh if she laughs.

PoshPenny · 01/12/2013 19:52

I would persist. teaching your child the meaning of NO is one of the best things you can do for them. the sooner you start preventing the food throwing because they understand that NO means NO and there will be consequences, the easier your life will be. It might not seem a big deal now (and sometimes it is very hard not to laugh) but you will be thanking your lucky stars when baby is a gobby stroppy teenager taller than you are...

SteamWisher · 01/12/2013 19:54

I save no for serious transgressions.
Things like food throwing, I ignore. I also show dd and dd what they should do when finished (as that's when the throwing usually happened).

Other stuff - I distract and move on! Plus show what they should do.

No is for dd trying to hurl herself off the sofa head first or dd tryin to run into the road. Works particularly well with ds who's not used to being told no with a firm voice so he listens. He's generally well behaved so not using no all the time has been fine.

HearMyRoar · 01/12/2013 19:54

Try saying what you do want instead. I think that a lot of time when we sat 'no! Don't throw food' what your DC hear s 'blah blah throw food'. I get a better response from dd if I say somethingsomething simple like 'food on plate'. That way she knows what is expected and what she should do with food she doesn't want.

HearMyRoar · 01/12/2013 19:55

What on earth was going on with my predictive text there...I have no idea

RandomMess · 01/12/2013 19:57

Understanding and complying are completely and utterly different!!!!

At 15 months they are very very much exploring cause and effect so they are not being naughty as such.

Being compliant to the word no is in huge part dependent on how compliant they are by nature...

RandomMess · 01/12/2013 19:59

Also what HearMyRoar says, tell them what you do want them to do so "keep the water in the cup" rather than "don't spill the water" apparently these actually work differently on what the brain focuses on.

Original poster

Wildwaterfalls · 01/12/2013 19:59

That was quick! Thanks. I admit it is sometimes hard not to laugh so both DH and I probably need to work on our tone / impact. I do tend to take the food away from her when she starts throwing but although it stops the throwing on that occasion, she'll do it again the next meal.

The climbing is even more frustrating as she literally wants to climb and then stand on everything, from her little chairs to the seat of her tricycle to the edge of the sofa. She keeps returning to the 'scene if the crime' even after our 'no', picking her up and removing her.

Will really have to work on my sternness with this as DC2 due in 5 months and I need a DD who listens to me (at least a bit) by then.

I like the 'look', and the pointing finger tips. Thank you.

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Original poster

Wildwaterfalls · 01/12/2013 20:03

X-post: thanks for suggesting the tip re encouraging the right behaviour rather than prohibiting the bad!

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RandomMess · 01/12/2013 20:05

At 15 months distraction is probably the best thing you can go for. That and a playpen...

nextphase · 01/12/2013 20:10

Agree with the others.
NO! is for life threatening things - eating cat sick, climbing up the TV, about to run out of the front door.

Throwing food - "lets keep all that on the plate" ie re-enforcement of what you want to happen.

MewlingQuim · 01/12/2013 20:14

We also find that 'food on the plate, please' has more success that 'dont do that' etc.

DD (20m) just finds 'no' a challenge if we use it too often

We save the 'no' for times when its really important, when she's doing something dangerous or really annoying

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