Naughty corner/step and potty trraining

[clairemmcc]

I have recently started potty training my daughter (age 2yr 2months) and she has suddenly turned into the worst behaved toddler I have ever seen! She shouts 'MINE' if anyone dares to touch her stuff even to read her a book, she whines all day long and only wants her playdoe which she shouts for. She tried to kick a friend's tiny baby which is just really unlike her as she has always liked other children. This has been going on for a week now which is the length of time we have been trying to potty train her for. The potty training has been fairly unsucessful also.

What should I do? I am not sure whether to persevere with the potty training and have also been considering a naughty step/corner to try and stop her constantly bad behaviour. Does anyone have any opinions on these matters? I really can't imagine her staying on a naughty step though... Sure she would just get off again.

Forget the naughty step, it's a load of tosh. Those drastic behavioural methods work well on tv because they are dealing with very sever behaviour and need to get noticeable results in a short space of time. It doesn't mean it's the best way to deal with undesirable behaviour - children aren't animals to be trained into good behaviour

If you feel the behaviour and the potty thing is linked, I would back off. It sounds as if it is a bit soon for her anyway. A lot of people find they have success and less upset if they wait for the child to be clearly ready, ie showing you and asking you that they want to use the potty instead of nappies, able to take their own clothes off, staying dry for long periods etc.

Good luck. I think your dd is lucky to have a perceptive mother who is paying attention to her needs and feelings, rather than just ploughing on with what she thinks is right regardless

I agree with Fran&Zoe's 2nd 2 paragraphs but not at all with the 1st!
Yes lay off the potty training, 2.2 is very young and it sounds like your dd is feeling the pressure.
The 'naughty step', I hate the term and don't call it that, is a form of time out that removes the child from a difficult situation and gives them time to reflect on their behaviour/cool down a bit, before you can talk about their actions with them and the kind of behaviour you would rather see from them.
Saying all this I think 2.2 is a little young for this to work effectively and as you say she'll probably not comply easily. Perhaps sticking with the good old heavy praise for all little good things she does and try ignoring the naughty.
Take the pressure off her and see how she goes. I started and stopped potty training a couple of times with my 3, so long as you're consistent while trying, you're both allowed a break, it's not failure! Good luck.

"The 'naughty step', I hate the term and don't call it that, is a form of time out that removes the child from a difficult situation and gives them time to reflect on their behaviour/cool down a bit, before you can talk about their actions with them and the kind of behaviour you would rather see from them.

c'mon, we all know it's a punishment. Call it what you like, are not fooling me

F&Z, have you been reading Alfie Kohn?

Who, me?

(yup, aviatrix converted me )

Nice thing to be converted to

claire, I agree with bizzi, it sounds as if your DD is stressed by the potty training. She is very young so you needn't feel any pressure to do this anyway - I would also say just give up on it for now. Wait until she's so ready that it's painfully obvious!

With the behaviour, I think that this may well become better again once the potty training stops. I do think a 'naughty step' may be tough going for you with her being just over two, you may spend all your time putting her back on it when she gets up! With my DS at this age, I used distraction an awful lot, taking him out of the room and onto something else; and lots of positive down on the floor play, so that he had positive things to occupy him; house completely toddlerproofed so that he couldn't get to stuff he shouldn't, etc.....I used 'time out' in his room as a very last resort, not as a punishment for him so much as genuine time out for us both, when I felt at the end of my tether...only did this a handful of times though.

I agree that children shouldn't be 'trained' but they must be very clearly shown the boundaries otherwise they cannot learn how you want them to behave; so you do need a consequence of some sort, whatever you think will work.

Thanks thats all good advice. Just to let you know, I stopped the potty training and she is much better behaved now. She was so confused and upset about it before that she was needing extra sleep etc. I was under a lot of pressure from mother in law and sister in law who think that all children should be potty trained by the age of 2 and insist that theirs were by at least 20 months with no trouble whatsoever, grr.

Now they are making me feel like a bit of a failure for giving up, like I can't be bothered or something but, honestly, my DD is so much better now, she was really stressed and not herself before

Going to leave it for a couple of weeks and think about trying again...

Don't feel like a failure! Most of my friends' children were nearly 3 when they trained them. Our HV told us that most children were dry by 3, so we could start at 18m and maybe have 18m of trying, or wait until 3 and do it in a couple of weeks.

I'd definitely give up on the potty training for a while - I think just over 2 is very young (and I have a just over 2 year old who's nowhere being ready!). Ds1 was trained in 2 days when he was 3.5 and ds2 will probably be much nearer to 3 by the time we start having a go with him.

But I'm all in favour of the naughty step (ducks for cover). Yes, it is a punishment, but at 2 + they're old enough to start understanding what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. And they'll push all your buttons and all the boundaries to see if you'll give way on any of it. The naughty stair, or going in their room, is a way of you showing they've reached your limit!

clairemmcc, I did start to potty train DS1 just before he was 2yo. He was so upset when I changed his nappies, kicking & screaming, that I found I had no choice. However, with retrospect, I think he wasn't physically ready and we had a good 6 months with very regular 'accidents'. All my friends who started potty training much later on have had less problem mainly because they have waited until the child was more than ready. So really I wouldn't wory about it. If she isn't ready that's fine. It's not a race. Just wait a few monthsrather than weeks.

Re the naughty step, I disagree with FrannyandZooey. I think this is ONE tool to discipline a toddler. Unfortunatly, later in life there will have plenty of punishment. A player is sent of during a football match because he hasn't followed the rules, the student gets a bad mark because he hasn't studied properly, I will be fired if I am always late at work. That's part of life and I think that trying to raise a child without 'punishment' is neither possible nor a good idea.
Saying that, I don't use the naughty step but my entrance (It's like a small corridor with a door at the end so DS1 can't excape). I found it easier because he wouldn't have stayed on a step and the noise level is also reduced . I think it is efficient and he knows that's a consequence of his bad behaviour. At 2 yo, I think children are totally able to comprehend that sort of ideas. Look some children have learnt that screaming at the supermarket means that they will get what they want - sweets for example. They have understood the idea of consequence so why not turning that at our advantage ?

Clairmmcc - honestly, leave it much longer than a cuple of weeks before re-introducing the potty training!
Al sorts of stories abound about older generations and their potty-training, but mostly, they just used to sit the babies oin the potties for ages until success was inevitable. hardly 'training'. Wait until you can see that she knows she needs to go, and she will more or less train herself. But anything before 2.5 is v early, imo. Nearly 3 is about average these days, i think.

A calm relationship with your dd is far more important than doing everything your in-laws say!!