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Original poster

Any experience of developmental delays?

37 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 30/10/2013 15:36

Dd is 9mo and my second DC. I had a troublesome pregnancy this time around with two episodes of severe pneumonia.
Anyway, DD didn't smile until she was 10 weeks and has been very 'slow' ever since.
She is sitting now (if you sit her up) but that's it. Hardly interacts.
Anyway, she was classified as developmentally delayed at 6 months but HV (who is v good) wanted to wait a bit. Anyway she's seen her today and re-assessed her and found her to be delayed in all areas.

I knew that already though really.
I know it's good it's been picked up etc, but I just feel worried, sad and 'I knew it' all rolled into one.

Just wondered if anyone had words of wisdom/advice?

OP posts:
bundaberg · 30/10/2013 16:07

no real words of wisdom for you, just sympathy because it's so very hard when someone tells you there is something "wrong" with your child, even if you already know.

come over to the SN children topic, we're a lovely lot there :)

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 30/10/2013 16:57

Thank you
Feeling very low this afternoon Sad

OP posts:
bundaberg · 30/10/2013 18:20

Have you been referred to the paediatrician?

doineedhelp · 30/10/2013 18:49

Its rubbish news but at least it has been picked up early. My son now nearly 3 has had development delay, he didn't sit up until 10mths, didnt crawl until 19 months, didn't walk until 27mths. Very disheartening especially when with others his age, the difference was startling and very upsetting. But the upside is while his physical development was slow, his mental development has been amazing, could count to 10, , knew all his colours and shapes and abc by 2 years

He is walking now and trying his hardest to run but still cant climb but I'm hopeful when he goes to school he will gave caught up

No real words of advice just wanted to say try not to worry too much (harder said than done I know) focus on the positive and I'm sure if there us nothing medical to worry about she will catch up, they really are alk different. If you are still worried ask for a referral to paediatrician.

Hope things improve. ..

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 30/10/2013 19:13

Yes have been referred to paediatrician

And she is delayed in all areas, in fact the worst area was the social side. Ridiculously, that bothers me more than some of the physical aspects. I completely echo your feelings about seeing your baby with their peers - it is very striking how 'behind' she is when we go to groups etc.

Thank you

OP posts:
doineedhelp · 30/10/2013 19:53

Hopefully the paediatrician will shed some light on it... sending you best wishes and Wine that's what's kept me going!

neolara · 30/10/2013 19:57

I'm sorry. I guess you must feel very sad.

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 30/10/2013 20:01

Thank you, I'll accept that wine gladly.
Yep, feeling very sad and sorry for myself - whilst also trying to keep some perspective. I know people have much worse to deal with than this.
I just am allowing myself a little bit of moping this evening and then I'll be a bit more upbeat tomorrow. Just keep thinking about having a beautiful little toddler wandering about in a little dress and hoping it will actually happen. It's so selfish to just want your child to be 'normal' isn't it, but I never realized that so much until today

OP posts:
Stropzilla · 30/10/2013 20:05

This must be hard for you. My only experience was a friends child who had global developmental delay. Lively boy very sweet! The good news is that he had caught up by the time he started school. I hope that can be a bit of positivity for you.

doineedhelp · 30/10/2013 20:33

I'm sure it will happen, but probably just a little later than expected.

I thought I would never see my boy walk but he has, he also has a hole in his heart so problems are ongoing, being a parent is bloody hard and a constant worry! you are allowed to be sad but your little dd needs a strong mum, she knows no difference at this point either

Keep us posted...

prissyenglisharriviste · 30/10/2013 20:39

Dd2 smiled at 6 mos, have up her walker in between yr r and yr 1, and talked around 3/4, although was statemented for yr r for communication, amongst her physical delays.

She also has an iq of 142, taught herself to read way before she could talk (she was reading c s Lewis by the time she learned to speak) and skis black runs and attends ballet class now.

There is absolutely no telling at 9 mos what will happen in the future (we were told dd2 was unlikely to walk or talk) but there are lots of us around, you aren't alone.

Come on over to sn. Be kind to yourself, it's a long old road xxxxxx

doineedhelp · 30/10/2013 20:45

Sorry, of course you can be sad... sorry if that post seemed too hard

Bouncey · 30/10/2013 20:52

DD (now almost 2) was 5 weeks prem. She smiled at about 14 weeks. She didn't sit until 10 months, crawled at 13 months, pulled up at 17months and walked at 18 months. Other babies, equally premature, whose parents I kept in touch with, met these milestones a lot quicker.

She is still behind her peers, but the gap is narrowing - and in terms of physical milestones, you would never guess that she walked so much later than other children her age. So I would say don't lose hope, take whatever help is offered and bear in mind that small children can often make massive development leaps in a very short space of time. At 16 months, my daughter would not weight bear at all - and in a space of weeks she went from pulling up for the first time to walking confidently.

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 31/10/2013 06:45

Thank you all so much
Lying here with her breastfeeding and feeling hopeful from your posts.

OP posts:
Bryzoan · 31/10/2013 07:14

Dd is delayed too and is 3. Just starting to talk and walk with a walker. She is amazing in so many ways and i have so much hope for her. So do hold on to that. I love my dd more than I could ever describe and am so proud if her. It does hurt seeing the milestones fly by but when she does get there the pride is immeasurable. Google portage. We've had fantastic support from them. And ask for a physio referral. And big hugs.

Jinty64 · 31/10/2013 07:30

Ds2 was really late to do everything. He still didn't speak clearly when he went to school but as he wouldn't speak to anyone in school (or anyone other than me) he was difficult to assess. He went to speech therapy for 18 months when he was 6. It was a waste of time because he wouldn't speak to them. He used to hide in the kitchen when friends brought there children round to play. We discovered, when he was 3, that he had really poor eyesight and I have never been sure how much of a part that played.

This continued throughout his first three years at school, where he bumped along the bottom academically, and then in P4 he was put in a mixed 3/4 class with mostly P3's. He was the oldest in the class. The teacher was quite loud and had a bossy manor which, in the past, would have scared him, as most things did. He took to her like a duck to water and has never looked back. By the time he was in P7 he was in the middle of the class academically and going on play dates.

He is now 16. He did as well in his standard grades and is now doing his highers. He has a small group of good friends - interestingly all boys that could considered a little bit "different". He is, by no means a social boy and has his quirks. He has no diagnosis but is certainly on the autistic spectrum. He is the nicest, kindest, most helpful boy I know and I'm sure will do just as well in life as his, much more academic, brothers.

I hope the paediatrician will be able to offer some help and all will be well for you.

lougle · 31/10/2013 07:31

It's fantastic that this has been picked up now. Ask to be referred to Portage.Their waiting lists are long, so don't wait until you've seen the Pediatrician.

DD1 didn't sit until 10 months, crawled late and walked at 23 months. She wasn't found to be globally delayed until 2.9, which is very late. Who knows what she'd be like if it had been picked up 2 years earlier.

saintlyjimjams · 31/10/2013 07:36

Btdtgtts

It's tough OP. I'm many years down the line now but I think the early bit when you don't know what is going on is incredibly hard. The most helpful thing is to find other parents in the same situation - that might happen as your child starts to see paediatricians etc anyway. Don't feel you have to attend toddler groups etc if they make you feel shit xx

Badvoc · 31/10/2013 07:39

My ds1 had significant developmental delay (undx iugr) and also didn't smile til 10 weeks, late to sit unaided etc.
If it's any consolation to you, he is now 10 and doing very well at school. It hasn't been easy...we have had to do lots of interventions at home and work in his dyslexia and dyspraxia.
I can vividly remember the feeling and emotions you are going through.
Don't despair.
You have early intervention which is absolutely key x

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 31/10/2013 08:32

My goodness - for a nest of vipers you are all incredibly supportive Wink

I go to the toddler groups because I did it with DS and felt like I ought to make the effort for DD too. But if I hear another comment about her being "just a laid back, lazy girl" I will probably lose it and upturn the plate of shitty, stale biscuits. Probably best I avoid for a whole Grin

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 31/10/2013 09:17

Only go to toddler groups if they are of benefit to you. I used to go & come out & cry for the rest of the day so I binned them. Made no difference to ds1 & we just spent more time visiting friends & doing our own thing. Sometimes you're told it's good for your child to be around role models but tbh I rarely think that's the case. In our case ds1 didn't pay the blindest bit of attention to the kids - he was interested in the biscuits. So I scrapped everything unless I also got something out of it (he still did a music group he's attended since he was tiny & was always followed by tea & cake for the patents) & of all things a steiner toddler group (the parents were much more accepting of odd behaviours there) but we scrapped everything else.

Badvoc · 31/10/2013 11:50

Oh god, yes!
Just don't go.
Took me ages to realise I didn't need their passive aggressive comments and judgements.
Stay at home and eat nice biscuits! :)

bigwellyfucker · 31/10/2013 14:16

I've a dd with development delay, she is 3 and 3 months, funny and mostly happy - we are just starting the statementing process.

eatyourveg · 31/10/2013 14:36

feeling sad is inevitable and also a vital part of the accepting process. With ds2 I found myself deliberately avoiding some of my friends whose dc were the same age - just couldn't face seeing their children and even now some 17 years later I still sometimes find it difficult when there are family gatherings and cousins the same age are doing all kinds of wonderful things.

We do however make a point of celebrating all the wonderful things that ds achieves - they are just not the same as others but equally if not more special because of the journey taken to get there.

Don't feel obliged to go to the play group if you don't feel like it. Some friends stay, some friends go and undoubtedly new ones will come along in the same boat who will be a rock for you. mn is full of rocks you'll find Smile

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 31/10/2013 16:55

My DS2 sat at 12 months.. walked at 2. didn't smile til 11 months of age !
That was grim.. physically delay was bad enough but having no social interaction was far harder. Turned out he had 'delayed visual maturation'(basically eyes not really talking to brain) plus he needed glasses.

It was awful and I got very depressed, convinced he would never be smiley and loving.. he basically lay there and stared at bright lights and shiney things.

HOWEVER.. He got into the system early.. bit of physio, then speech (didn't talk either..sat and dribbled!) then Portage. Statemented before he started nursery and eventually went to a special school.

He's now 16, he is articulate (tho still sounds a bit slurred) he is very sociable, he loves us and is loved by everyone. He's still floppy, (wears splints) but he walks, he talks, he can read well, write a bit, bore everyone to death with his DR WHo obsessions.
He's not 'normal' He has some learning disabilty and he has autism (which was my worst fear) but he is as far from the little boy who just lay there and never made eye contact as you can imagine.

The sadness is normal.. no one ever expects their child to be different. But it does become ok.. you do find friends you would never have made, you celebrate different achievements.. it's ok.

Hop over to the Special Needs board:)
ps didn't mean to imply your dd definitely ahs long term needs like my DS2...she may catch up! But if she doesn't, life WILL be ok :)