Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

My 1yo loves daddy more than me?

10 replies

MouseMouseMouseyMouse · 12/10/2013 19:29

It's hard to actually admit this, but my dd (1 last month) actually prefers to be with her dad than with me. I look after her more than he does, so I put it down to her not seeing him. But when we go out together, whilst she's happy with both if us, if I take her off daddy she cries! She puts her arms out to him; she gets excited and goes straight to him when he gets home from work yet when I come home I get a smile and a cuddle, but not the excitement dh gets.

It kinda hurts a little. Every other baby I know prefers mummy rather than daddy. So what does that make me? A crap mum??

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
SatinSandals · 12/10/2013 19:37

It s utterly meaningless. Love isn't a competition. She feels secure with you and takes you for granted.

Ragwort · 12/10/2013 19:39

My DS always preferred his Dad to me Grin - you are not a crap mum at all, quite honestly it is great if she is happy with both of you; I expect Dad is more of a 'novelty' if he isn't around as much as you.

Be grateful you haven't got a clingy child - and at least you can go off and leave them together without having to be all martryish about how your husband can't do anything with his own child !!

It might change, but (12 years later) my DS is still a daddy's boy, although when he was ill recently it was me that he wanted. Smile

I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I do think there are some mums who want to be the 'most important adult' in their child's life - to me it is essential that both parents are as important as each other.

Original poster
MouseMouseMouseyMouse · 12/10/2013 19:45

Yeah. I bf for the first 6 months so she always came to me when hungry and still loved to play with her dad. But now dh feeds her its like she doesn't seem to want to come to me at all anymore. She does when she wants, but only on her terms.
But it doesn't help that dh all but snatches her off me when she's upset and comforts her. Makes me feel shit and useless. I guess it's not dd that makes me feel crap, but dh. It just happened a moment ago which prompted me to write this. Sigh.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 12/10/2013 19:52

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but try not to think of it as a 'competition' as to who loves your DD more; honestly, there are so many useless dads around that the fact that your DH wants to be so involved is a good sign. Maybe wait for a quiet moment (NOT when he has 'snatched' DD from you) to try and talk through it.

cakehappy · 12/10/2013 21:37

My DS prefers daddy over me and grandpa far above and beyond both of us! Works for me!! Means I get to completely hand him over when they are around and I get a break:) you're not alone!

cordyroy · 13/10/2013 22:47

Very good point from Cake...make the most of a little time out!

I cease to exist for my DS once Daddy is in the room, I found it hard at first as DD is always mummy's girl! The harder part is as you have implied, dh caves in to every whim and undoes all my routine of the day..grrr! Best thing is they feel happy and safe with both parents so that's got to be good thing :-)

Original poster
MouseMouseMouseyMouse · 14/10/2013 09:49

You are all totally right. Just need to keep telling myself that! ;)

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 15/10/2013 12:58

She does when she wants, but only on her terms. Smart cookie, she is getting the best from both of you, they're bonding. She's not hostile or disinterested in you, he won't be one of those men who complain about being overlooked or left out by mother and child. He probably gets a buzz from it but it means he's keen to be involved and do his fair share.

It must feel like you're being overlooked but don't worry, she may swing back to adoring you most, it is more common than you might think and could be just a phase. Be glad she loves her father.

(Btw at least it's her parent she's fixated on, I heard about something similar from a friend only it was her sister that was the object of affection from the cradle. Some children are just naturally drawn to others, it is puzzling but don't fight it).

saffstel · 16/10/2013 16:17

Dd1 (now 3) is a right daddy's-girl and always has been. It use to really upset me especially when she goes to daddy if she's feeling sad in public (people often raise eyebrows) but now I just see it as a benefit!

Daddy has to comfort her in the middle of the night etc, result!

brettgirl2 · 16/10/2013 19:04

Tell dh you didn't like that. But as others have said be grateful...... dd was like this at 1, she's now 4 and its totally different Wink

New posts on this thread. Refresh page