Struggling to keep it together, no one to help

[ng1412]

Have a 2 yo DD and 5 mo DS. DS wont sleep ever, cries at everything, Never have any time to do anything. He is crying on me now as i write, just need someone to talk to. I am desperate.

I've been there and will never forget how lack of sleep and a screaming baby can bring you down. I was on my knees with DD1 and nobody got how awful it was. I can't imagine how I would have coped with a 2YO too.

You are allowed to put your DS down and walk away you know. If he's going to cry anyway put him in his cot, shut the door and have a breather for a few minutes.

Have you seen GP to rule out reflux, etc?

Sending virtual hugs.

Thanks, not done anything in the hope that it would get better but it isn't. He is just getting more cranky and I more hysterical.

Thing is, my 2yo was hard work up to around 4 months but she was never in this league so it is such a shock that things are not getting easier. I keep thinking next week it will get better, hang in there but it doesn't. And I am slowly falling apart in front of my eyes.

Make an appointment with the GP today. They are usually really quick to see small babies, but crying continually for five months? Not normal. Get it checked out immediately and don't take 'no' for an answer. It can be hard to be insistent and eloquent when you're utterly exhausted, so write down a few notes before you go in if there are several things you need to remember to say.

And I second putting him in his cot and walking away for a bit if you're feeling desperate. As long as he's safe you can take go downstairs, have a cup of tea, take a bit of time for yourself.

I agree with visiting the GP - what's the worst that could happen? Could you maybe call your health visitor & say you're struggling & could do with some advice? (I say maybe because I know a lot of people hate health visitors, but I love mine to pieces!)

I have an almost 3 year old DS and an 8 month old DD, so I guess I'm a few months down the road from you. I find that I occasionally have some good days sprinkled in between the bad ones now

How is your DS health-wise? Have you started weaning? How is your DD being? Are you stressing about housework?

Just did a long reply and DD wiped it.

Anyway, DS is EBF, starting weaning in 3 weeks. DD is generally ok, has tantrums but at least I know why, unlike with DS. DD goes to creche in the afternoons.

We have a cleaner, sorted that one out months ago. We are lucky enough to be able to afford such things, I just need someone to look after me. DH works long hours and has a demanding job and I know he just is at a loss as what to do.

DS just seems so high maintenance and never sleeping during day or night is taking its toll on me.

Have you tried googling 'high needs baby'?

Gosh he is a high needs baby. Seems like there is nothing I can do. Makes it all the more depressing.

I feel your pain

DS1 is just 2 and DS2 is 3 months. For the first 2 months all DS2 did was scream. Various health visitors helpfully told me that babies do cry (!) and also said I must not have enough milk so I gave up breastfeeding which I now really regret as they were totally wrong

doctors were far more sympathetic. I went to appointments armed with a diary of what DS2 had done for last few days ie when fed/slept/screamed/changed nappies etc we tried every reflux remedy which helped a little but finally were prescribed special milk and he was a changed baby. It turned out he was struggling to digest the protein in cows milk

Please please go to your gp and keep going back until you find something that works xx

Oh you poor thing :( I have been there and it is awful. Do you have a nice HV? They may be able to recommend you for homestart.

DH - does he get up in the night? If not could he do every other night IMO while you retreat to sofa/friend's/spare room/ older DC room?. If DS doesnt accept bottles is more tricky but you may be able to make do with a sippy cup.

Hugs, hugs, hugs! Stay strong! Drink lots of tea! Breathe! You're doing better than you'll ever know!

Firstly, think you should pop to the docs to rule out anything like reflux or inaugural hernias etc my DH had the latter as a bubba and mother in law didn't know till 5 months and he screamed and screamed!

If all is well in that department then I know it's hard but get out of the house as much as poss. My DS had colic bad! and I was in a v similar situation and going to mum and baby groups and coffee mornings etc etc and meeting other mums was fab! It also distracted DS amazingly well! He loves a Costa coffee shop where he can watch the world go by! Lol!

Was he premature? That will drag colic etc things out a bit if he was.

Also get a referral to baby massage! It's a wonderful bonding experience and should help your little one relax a bit!

In my opinion. Ignore the high needs stuff! When you're in the thick of it like you are now that Dr Sears high needs stuff will scare the crap out of you and to top it all off when your out the other end if it you'll prob realise your LO is not high needs! Or even if he is, its not a vad thing

Download white noise app and play it fairly loud when he's in middle of a meltdown it seems to chill my bubba out,

Lastly if he's not too heavy for you get a sling! I was so anti them until I tried a friends in desperation and OMG it was a flipping god send! I got a close caboo sling and loved it!

Hugs x

Poor you. You need some sleep somehow or other. That will help so much. Could your DH do a few nights, bringing DS to you for feeds but doing the settling? Even one night will help you. If he can't do this, can you afford a night nanny? Of all of the times to throw money at a problem, now is it.
Or can he take a bit of annual leave?

Ng, put him down for a few minutes if he is crying on you anyway, it is absolutely fine, go somewhere where you can't hear him, just breath your own breaths for a bit.

Could you get a nanny? Perhaps part time, just to hold the fort while you sleep for a bit?

Thinking of you. Dc3 was a bloody nightmare for the first 6 months.

Ng, my husband works extremely long hours too (we often won't see him for 3 days at a time) so I know how alone you can feel. I agree with the others about throwing some money at the situation, my 4mo does 1 day a week at nursery and most nurserys will take them from 3 months. You could use your day to sleep, have a nice bath, recuperate!! I work on the assumption that it's better for me to be a happy, well mum 6 days a week than a weeping, exhausted wreck 7 days a week. Big hugs x

Thanks all, we are investigating a part time nanny who can do Wednesday and Friday. As I am still EBF I won't be able to be apart from him for too long but just having someone there will be a huge positive.

He wasn't premature and is thriving being in the 75th percentile in weight and height.

I think he is teething too, just to make life even more hard. Spent all day with his hand in his mouth, poor thing.

Can I use a sling with him, he weighs about 7.5kg?

I just despair because I never get the time to have any quiet, there is always a baby or toddler crying. And I am an older mum, so even more difficult. I have aged so much in 3 years.

You can use slings right into the toddler years. See if there's a sling library near you where you can try a few out? Love mine and DD usually falls asleep as soon as she's in it!

I feel your pain - I have three aged 4 and under. My oldest is the most difficult. My hubby teaches in a boarding school so works ridiculous hours during term time. I am also an older mum and am at the end of my tether constantly. No advice to offer I am afraid but know you aren't alone! Oh actually, one bit of advice - buy some Teetha granules - nothing soothes a fractious teething baby like it. We call it Magic Dust and it really is x