Getting to the end of my rope with baby's lack of sleep

[Soontobemama]

My baby is only two months old but is a bad sleeper. I'm really beginning to struggle and am starting to find myself getting angry at him which I'm ashamed of.

He wakes every hour and a half to two hours in the night to feed. I struggle to get back to sleep after and its really taking its toll.

He also doesn't sleep much during the day when at home.

Anytime he does sleep he has to be either nursed or rocked to sleep in his bouncy chair. If you stop rocking he wakes up immediately. He no longer sleeps when being pushed in his pram either.

I'm getting more and more tired and am struggling not to get angry with him. Right now he is on my lap just staring around completely awake. He has been awake since at least 5pm. I've been rocking him and feeding him all evening but he just won't drop off. I'm ashamed to admit but there have been moments tonight where I've wanted to scream at him because I am so bloody exhausted.

What can I do to improve his sleep because I cannot go on like this.

Drop anything else you do, apart from eating (and make that as simple as possible, there's a reason they invented microwave food) and take every opportunity to sleep that you can, even if it's only 30 minutes and the dishes need done. There's nothing* you can do to change ds' sleeping patterns atm, but you need to look after yourself.

Do you have a DP/supportive family or friends who could take ds for even a couple of hours? If you have a dp, this is where s/he can really help out by doing laundry and other general housework, taking the weight off you.

God, it was years ago, but I do remember the hell of sleep deprivation. It's used as a form of torture, you know.

Dummy?

Sorry, * should carry the rider, "Maybe there is, but I'm not aware of any of it post Queen Vic and her laudanum", this being an opium derivate.

He spits a dummy out unfortunately I've tried loads.

I've got a DH but he is in bed in the spare room as he was kept awake by the baby last night. Our usual arrangement is that I go to bed at 10pm and DH gives the baby a bottle of formula and then brings him to bed around midnite. I take over from there.

He just seems to be totally awake in the evenings and nothing will make him sleep. It was gone 2am before he would sleep last night and then he was awake again at 3.30. 4.30, 6 and then on and off for the rest of the morning.

He doesn't stay asleep for long enough for me to nap during the day. He wakes just as I am managing to drop off. I don't even bother trying most of the time now because I feel even worse if I'm women just as I've started to sleep.

Ok, dh needs to do a bit more. I'm not unsympathetic to him, when I had ds1 I did all night feeds because dh was working, but I was incredibly lucky that ds1 slept through from 6 weeks. With ds2, who didn't sleep through till 8 months, dh did 50/50, because (as a self-employed childminder) I went back to work when ds2 was 3 days old. Guess what, dh didn't actually die because he did a nightfeed or two, and yours won't either.

If he's a decent bloke, he'll understand this.

I am spending another night on the couch because my child will not settle. My dd is 18 months but has not slept great since around January. I have ended up on sick leave because I am exhausted. She will fall asleep after after a bit of a battle but after a couple of hours she is up on and off all night. I end up on the couch to let my dh and my older child sleep.
So sorry no advice really as I have tried everything but just wanted to say I am in the same boat and its awful.

DH can't do more night feeds as I'm breastfeeding. I don't have enough time in between feeds to express enough milk.
DH has to give formula for the one feed he does and I'd prefer that DS didn't have more than the one bottle.

DS is on my lap now. I just fed him to sleep but then he woke up again and just started fussing. He must be exhausted as he has been awake for 7 or more hours now but he just will not sleep,

He's had 30 mins sleep and is now awake again !!!

Can you set things up so that you are in a recliner/co-sleeping so that even if he continues to suckle for ages you can doze? That is the only way dd & I survived until things settled around 3/4 months (not completely obs as I'm still up at silly o'clock!)

Not really as he is a massive 14lb baby so awkward to hold.

He is asleep but wakes the second I stop rocking his Moses basket.

Have you tried co-sleeping and feeding lying down? I had to do this with my two as they woke so frequently at this age. Desperate times etc! You can lie in such a way that they can remain latched on, which isn't hugely comfortable, but should give you longer - even if he needs to be rocked to sleep at the moment, he will probably be able to drop off lying down with you if you are feeding him.

Sounds awful, really feel for you. Is he your first? Its always the worse with your first (you can still remember life with uninterrupted sleep), I remember quite clearly wanting my (much wanted) baby ds to shut up so much and feeling like I was being tortured).

Couple of thoughts (based on own personal bitter experience nothing more, and a dh who has done minimal night time support due to him working).
Have you sought the support of your health visitor? This is their job. Ours has always put us together an action plan and follow up support for sleep problems with my dcs.
I wld make a doctors appointment just to eliminate any medical problem which may be causing him discomfort - reflux, colic?
Are you producing enough milk? Your big baby may be hungry which is why he is unsettled? Maybe you need to top up with more formula? My babies were big uns and they need a lot of milk else they are unsettled...
The baby may be overtired from lack of day time sleep which he why he can't settle at night. Try to instigate fixed daytime naps? Look at Gina Ford for a rough idea of how your day shld look (but please God don't follow her to the letter, else you will feel even worse).
Whilst it helps in the short term, rocking Moses baskets (and have been there!!!) won't help the baby self settle so he will need to learn the skills to settle himself - so it may have to get worse before it gets better.

My twins are 2 mths and I feed them at 10pm when I go to bed, and they wake at 2am, 4am and 6am for feeds and I am ok with that as think its prob the norm at this age. By 12 wks they tend to turn a corner and sleep better and that's what I am holding out for. Our babies are still quite small and I am coping by 'expecting' lack of sleep and being pleasently surprised If I get more. BUT my twins sleep from 7pm to 10pm (I put them down in a dark room at 7pm, walk out and let them cry to sleep a bit - controlled crying - but do go in if they are really hysterical after a bit) so I get a rest in the evening, having to hold them wld drive me nuts too hence follow some of the tips above? Good luck. It DOES get easier, hugs x

Some advice that may help:

• Look into a hammock - google "Ambi nest" or "naturesway". A good alternative for restless babies who like to be snuggled and to have a bit of movement
• Save your formula bottle feed for 'witching hour', around 5pm. That may settle him for the evening period. Feed him again, bf, whether he wants it or not, at 7pm. Then start your bedtime routine.
• Do you burp him after every feed?
• Are you swaddling?
• It sounds like he's switched night with day so try to encourage him to switch back by always starting the day at the same time (say 7.00am) with a feed, and then following a consistent pattern of eat, play, sleep, eat, play, sleep throughout the day. Then at 5pm start the wind down to bed pattern. Doing the same thing consistently again and again is quite effective with the majority of babies, but then again some are just terrors and don't 'get it'. Yours might fall into the latter category.

Ps don't feel bad about feeling angry with him, its a natural reaction, like another poster said, its a form of torture. I have called both my babies 'a little sh*t' under my breathe in the middle of the night, and felt like throwing them out of the window (I NEVER would, but in sleep deranged mood, you feel like you are going mental). I would seek support as mentioned above. I personally have done a bit of co-sleeping with the babies, usually when feeding lying down and nodding off, but it scares the hell out of me when I wake up in a daze next to one and have to touch the baby to check I haven't squashed it, it has died of cot death, etc, so if you are feeling anxious already, I probably wouldn't bother. Right off to sleep til next feed, will check this again at 4ish! X

I second the idea of topping up with more formula. The bf support folks won't like it but it may completely save your sanity. He's a big baby!

If it will save your sanity I would (and did!) give a bottle of formula at night.

Don't be ashamed at all about feeling angry. DS is now on his 6th month of waking every 1.5 hours (before that horrifies you, he used to be every 30-45 minutes until month 4, so even the totally crappy sleepers improve!), and there are times that I have been so furious I've had to turn on all the lights (and ruin bed time) just so that I can see his funny little face and remember that he's just a baby and that he's just trying to communicate and that throwing either him or myself out the window is not actually a fix for this particular problem

Our DS is up due to gut issues and reflux, I definitely agree that it's worth getting a check from a GP. For us we haven't found a solution with formula or medications, but lots of people do.

If it isn't medical, then there are ways to help. 2 months is still very little and even though it doesn't feel it right now, time will fly by and 3 months often is a huge improvement. In the meantime, cosleeping salvaged at least some sleep for me (though that isn't for everyone), and we have been able to gradually extend DS's sleep with the No Cry Sleep Solution. For a slightly more robust approach, the Baby Whisperer has great hints about the 3 hour loose routine and a pickup-put down sleep method that won't require you to leave a tiny baby to cry.

Our ergo and moby slings were also crucial in the early months, DS could sleep for longer in one (often with me bouncing on the birthing ball to save my poor knee joints), and I could keep him strapped on while I got out of the house or just read a book.

Most of all, just remember that all of this will pass, and in the meantime pick and choose our hints based on what you need as want, and just make sure that you pass the baby to anyone possible and go off and nap when you can!

Co-sleeping with him and learning how to bf lying down may help. Then at least you can snooze. I agree that rocking him to sleep will do you no favours in the long run. Keep the room dark too - my ds won't sleep if there's any light.

Don't want to get into a bf debate but I personally found that topping up with one or two bottles had bugger all impact on my milk supply and had the wonderful effect of creating a happy (full) baby instead of a crying, upset, up-all-night one. And therefore a much happier mum and baby.

I was a committed breastfeeder (fed both my babies) AND a committed mix feeder. When I stopped and reflected on it I thought, what's the POINT of a blanket ban on formula top ups if all it is achieving is a miserable me, a miserable baby and a miserable household? I really am very grateful to the person who suggested that I top-up with a maximum of one or two bottles a day, preferably in the evening. It changed my experience of being a mum to a newborn from a miserable one to a happy one. And for that I'm grateful.

This could have been written by me! (Check my other posts!) my dd is 6mths and has never slept, I thought there must be something wrong with her, to not be out down.
I think sometimes some babies just don't sleep, the one thing that's kept me sane is having her sleep in my bed, it's easier when dp is in other room so I have more space.
It's soul destroying when they don't sleep, you understand how some parents lose it. The most frustrating thing is when people say "sleep when baby sleeps in the day" and you just want to reply " they DONT sleep that's the bastard problem!!"
Co-sleep, try again with a dummy, swaddle, swaddle with a cardigan of yours, keep posting on here, it helps to know its normal.

Me again, up for next feed.

Some other thoughts.

You must beg, steal and borrow to get some sleep in the day if you can. I know the frustration of lying down and just nodding off, when a baby wakes and you think 'I won't even bother'. With my first dc, I just accepted it and didn't want to hand my pfb to anyone else, with my twins, I recognise that this is a total essential survival tool. Do you have parents, IL's, a kind neighbour, friends, who can organise a rota to take your baby for a walk around the park for 2hr slots mid morn, and mid afternoon, whilst you catch up on your sleep? Once yoy have caught up a bit, it goes without saying that you will be in a better place to tackle the sleep issues. My dh took my twins out at the weekend so I could do something with our two older dcs (no sleep unfortunately) and the babies slept the whole time and I had a break. This way too, dh gets to help in a practical way (ie at the weekend when he isn't - hopefully - at work).

If your baby needs more milk than you can supply, really don't be worried about using more formula, or ALL formula if necessary. There is a lot of pressure to b/fee (and am sure someone will come along to flame me for this), but with a little perspective (my pfb is now 5 years), I can see that whilst I exclusively breast fed him for a year, he is no healthier/bigger/as bonded with me than friends' dcs who were formula fed. If it isn't filling him up, its not the end of the world to recognise this and put in another plan of action.

I would second routine, routine, routine. I feed my babies a lot in the day (I think that the more they get in daylight, the less they will need at night) and my babies are recognising even now what happens at certain parts of the day. As I have always done a bedtime routine with them (its never too late to start), after 2 months, they have this week realised that 5.30ish means going upstairs for bath/wash, 6ish means feeding, and 7ish means lights out and sleep and they have gone down every night.

Right, back to sleep for me, good luck x

Hopefully your lack of posts means you are now sleeping a bit, I hope so!