Getting to the end of my rope with baby's lack of sleep

[Soontobemama]

My baby is only two months old but is a bad sleeper. I'm really beginning to struggle and am starting to find myself getting angry at him which I'm ashamed of.

He wakes every hour and a half to two hours in the night to feed. I struggle to get back to sleep after and its really taking its toll.

He also doesn't sleep much during the day when at home.

Anytime he does sleep he has to be either nursed or rocked to sleep in his bouncy chair. If you stop rocking he wakes up immediately. He no longer sleeps when being pushed in his pram either.

I'm getting more and more tired and am struggling not to get angry with him. Right now he is on my lap just staring around completely awake. He has been awake since at least 5pm. I've been rocking him and feeding him all evening but he just won't drop off. I'm ashamed to admit but there have been moments tonight where I've wanted to scream at him because I am so bloody exhausted.

What can I do to improve his sleep because I cannot go on like this.

Thanks for all of the replies. He finally went to sleep about 2.30 and is feeding again now.

I'm trying to remember everything that was mentioned but in answer to a few questions:

We don't have any family or friends at all close. We only know our NCT group who are all busy with their own babies.

I don't think its a hunger problem. I make plenty of milk and have tried feeding more but he remains awake.

I've tried feeding lying down but the position I have to be in for him to stay latched on twists my back. I'm finding already that I'm getting back pain from his weight. He weighs the same as an older baby but needs handling like an 8 week old and its tough!

We do have a sling which I used in the early days when he wouldn't be put down. I haven't used it lately as again it was hurting my back. It's a Manduca.

He isn't usually crying in the evenings when he won't sleep. He is just wide awake .

We do wind him. He is a very farty baby so I do the leg cycling thing too sometimes ( like now!).

If babies could get insomnia I'd say that was his problem. He falls asleep and then suddenly his eyes will open and he is back to being wide awake.

I have nothing useful to add...just my sympathy. My DS is 10 months and has never gone longer than a 4 hour stretch. He wakes at least 3/4 times every night and I nurse him back to sleep. I'm so tired and I have shouted at him...numerous times.....it's bloody awful!!

It's awful isn't it. I feel so guilty for how it makes me feel.
I never wanted to be an angry shouty mummy especially not to such a young baby but I feel that's where it's headed.

I can totally see how some people end up hurting their babies as the thought of throwing him across the room did cross my mind. Of course I never would but the frustration is intense. Instead I just find myself rocking the Moses basket a bit more forcefully than I need to.

Ok, sounds like you have him too high up towards the top of the bed if it's twisting your back. You actually need them quite a lot lower down than you think, almost tucked in to your tummy.

Feeding in this position should also get rapidly easier as he gains greater neck control, so worth trying every few days even if you can't get it to work now.

Good to hear you had a bit of sleep and from 2.30 til 5ish isn't bad (my 8wk'ers were awake more).

Ok, so no family nearby, what about neighbours, friends, work colleagues? I never did with my first born but really wish I had, you wld be suprised that people like to help, esp with a cute baby. If you don't feel comfortable doing this, then its down to dh (walk or car). Its amazing how you feel a bit better if you know that 'out there' there is a rest, however short its not unrelenting forever.

Given what you said about your milk supply, and insomnia like in evening, I sense it may be routine that wld help - but DO ring health visitor and doctor today and book appointments, they are the professionals, not us here on mn! Seriously though, if you are feeling really cheesed off with lack of sleep, you need to speak to doctor.

My pfb was all over the place in the daytime and I asked a friend who had put their baby in a good daytime routine and was calm to spend a day with me and show me what to do when, and do a bit of handholding when my baby initially resisted. It really helped, and took me a few days to get it working.

I'm seeing the GP tomorrow so will ask then.

I do think he needs help getting into a routine. He must feel terrible after being awake for hours on end!

He will now feed briefly every hour or so and then sleep until lunchtime. I need to get him to do this in the late evening and switch his wakefulness to the mornings somehow.

I feel so, so guilty this morning looking at his sweet little face.

My ds was exactly the same. When he was about 8 weeks I had a breast feeding specialist in to help and she showed me how to breast feed laying down. That was it. ! We ended up co selling for five months and I finally got some sleep. It saved my sanity asI was on the verge of exhaustion. I sleep trained him at five months , it took 3 weeks of hard work ( I uses pupD method ) and he finally stated sleeping through. I would highly recommend this. Good luck
X

Sorry for typos , bloody iPhone ! Meant to
Say co slept and he then slept in his cot at five months .

Maybe I should google some pictures to get an idea of how I'm positioning myself wrongly then.

Definitely nobody around to help. Family are an hour or more away, as are friends. No colleagues either as we don't live near work. We are new to this area. I wish my mum lived nearby as she would help me.

I do need to speak to DH but I don't think he will do more. Usually he takes DS between 10pm until 12/1am. I can then get a head start on sleep before DS wants feeding around 3. In theory that's a 5 hour stretch but it takes a while for me to fall asleep and then I'm woken when he brings DS in. So in reality its more like 3 hours of sleep, plus whatever I manage to grab between feeds. I struggle to fall back to sleep in between which is a pain.

It would be nice if DH helped in the mornings but he just gets ready for work and leaves. He see's it as him having to work and me just being at home all day. He probably averages six hours of sleep during the week which isn't enough but I would much prefer to get my sleep all together like that than an hour here and an hour there.

Its a shame that you haven't any help nearby, neither did I when I had dc1 and it was tough. I did have an incredibly nice health visitor though who was very supportive, what's yours like? You could always ring them and explain your situation (ham it up a bit so they take notice) and ask for more help/a different hv if yours isn't up to much.

My twins are restless so more later but if it makes you feel any better (it won't) my dh has never helped with bottle feeding (which is why I never did it), stayed up past 10pm (he is 'working' the next day, like I am not!!) and has only changed ONE NAPPY for the twins in the last 8 weeks!! And he is a nice guy generally...

Again don't want to start a breast feeding debate.... But.... My baby was like yours and I was miserable and exhausted. I changed to full formula feeding and the difference was outstanding. She was full, sleepy and content in the evening immediately. Within 4 weeks she was sleeping 12 hours overnight; at 8 weeks old!!! This was a baby who fed every 1-2 hours all day and all night!!! with formula I fed her two hourly in the day; made sure she had PLENTY! I think she was snacking on my breast milk, where as with formula I could make sure she drank enough. If I had preserved with breast feeding i'm sure it would have got better given time. BUT I wasn't enjoying my baby and am so pleased I switched. I was a well rested happy mum. Formula saved my sanity and I've no regrets. Obviously I'm not saying this will be your experience, but it's mine.

www.mother-2-mother.com/tut-layingdown.htm

Here's a link via kellymom you might find helpful.

Also, if you have a local branch of La Leche League, do think about going along to a meeting. You will find fellow mothers with a wealth of experience to support you.

Thanks for the link I will have a read through in a bit.

I don't want to stop breastfeeding really although I've heard that formula fed babies sleep more. I had a hard time at the beginning with breastfeeding and I persevered despite hating it. So it would feel like a bit of a waste of effort if I quit now. He does have the one bottle of formula at night anyway. It used to knock him out and make him sleep but it hasn't had the same effect for the past couple of weeks.

oh God, my baby was like this too - sometimes up until 2am. I do sympathise (with mine she probably had reflux or colic issues too I think.). The only thing tht helped with me was co-sleeping. I just used to sit up with her propped up on me, surrounded by pillows and doze on and off all night.

it was hell though, and I do remember being so desperate to go to sleep and she was still awake! I also remember being really angry with her when she wouldn't fcking go to sleep! I just sometimes had to put her down and walk away.

She's 18 months now and still doesn't go to sleep until 10-11pm most nights. She generally only wakes once though (and sometimes not at all!), so it does get better.

I don't think that giving him formula will help him sleep better. But i would suggest that occasionaly your partner could do a whole night or at least a 5 hour stretch and let you get some sleep maybe with some expressed milk. It wouldn't harm him (your DP) to have an occasional bad night imo!

and you know, it is normal for an 8 week old baby to be awake every 2 hours during the night. I know that doesn't help you, but I don't think you need to think of him as abnormal or a bad sleeper.

I just saw that your ds doesn't sleep in the pram - mine didn't either, but did in a sling. Have you thought about trying that?

He did sleep in the sling last time I tried it. It was hurting my back though because he is so heavy. I might have to try it again.

All of the other babies in my NCT group seem to be sleeping a lot longer at night. They are waking once a night whereas my baby is still waking at least twice after not going to sleep until 2am. I think that's why I think of him as a bad sleeper. That and the fact that he can't seem to keep himself asleep. He fell asleep in my arms twice earlier but woke as soon as I tried to put him down.

Ha - other NCT mums may not always be telling the whole truth :).

I second what Beattie says - what your baby is doing is completely normal, although I know it is so, so hard.

What kind of sling have you tried? It might be that you haven't found the right one yet if it made your back hurt.

Also, if you want to give an indication of whereabouts you are, you may find an MNer nearby who could give you a hand!

I have a Manduca.

Your comment about him being insomniac and waking easily makes me think swaddle, swaddle swaddle! Please try swaddling. If he is big try the largest size Velcro swaddle that you can find (ie one that just wraps and sticks, no fiddly folding to do). I also agree that just one extra formula bottle during the day would not stop your supply and could help.

Your normal in your feelings. DS was the same and at 4 months things are infinitely better! Hang in there. In desperation I tried a sling (caboo carrier) and it was a godsend! I did bits n bobs in doors! Put make up on! Made tea and lunch with a sleeping bubba strapped to my chest! I was amazed how well it worked for us! He may need to be put in a sling every hour half in the day to ensure he's well rested before the night! Start a bedtime routine even if its at 6:30 and try to slowly teach him night times arriving at 7pm.

Hang in there! Having a child is part joy, part guerrilla warfare!!!

I think you have two problems:

1. I would guarantee that your DS is very overtired. Some babies are more prone to this than others. my dd was terrible for it. When they are short of sleep, they get "wired" and it becomes even harder to get them to sleep, and they are likely to "ping" awake as soon as you put them down/stop moving or at best they last 30 minutes. They are also more likely to wake lots in the night, because every time they go into a new sleep cycle, they "ping" awake rather than being drowsy like a non overtired baby would be.

The only way to solve overtiredness is to get him to sleep more in the day. At 2 months he needs about 4 hours day sleep I believe. I found the best way was to take long pram walks, with no stopping - sometimes it would take up to 45 mins of continuous walking to get dd to go to sleep, but she did eventually drop off, and once she did I kept walking till she'd had at least an hours nap. I also put a dark scarf over the buggy to block light and distraction out. I did this 3 or 4 times a day to get 4 hours sleep into DD.

Of course you may find it better to use the sling or bf or rocking or whatever, but the main thing is to get 4 hours sleep into him somehow. It's really hard work but if you can do this for a few days, you should see a BIG difference.

1. It sounds like your DS has a feed to sleep association, at least at night, so he actually needs BFing to get back to sleep, he doesn't know how to do it by himself. You can try using very gentle techniques to get him to learn to self settle instead of needing bf - for example shush pat, white noise, swaddling bedtime routine may all help with this. However none of these methods are going to work while he is overtired, so you need to sort that first.

Good luck! I was in much the same position when dd was 8 weeks - it was a nightmare but it did get better.

Your baby isn't a bad sleeper, some babies sleep more than others or are more fretful, restless. They're not good or bad sleepers at this age. Once I accepted that my baby wasn't out to ruin my life my mind set adjusted a little and I was more tolerant.

I then co-slept and accepted that the baby stage is really short and I wanted my sleep. It worked for us. DH moved to a different room. There's more to a good marriage than sharing a bed e.g. sleep!

My DD was completely the same and I truly understand your pain. The only thing that would get her to sleep was a vibrating bouncing chair on permanent vibrate AND bounce. I used to listen to other mums talk about 'putting their baby down at 7' and honestly wonder what on earth they were talking about.

Things that helped were a bedtime routine. This was a long slog as we would do this for 7 and then one of us would be upstairs rocking her (or invariably me feeding her). Eventually she would go to sleep at 12, then 11, then 10, 9 etc and now she knows all the cues and goes to sleep within minutes of 6.30pm.

I also think, looking back, she did have something like reflux. I used infancol a lot and - like some of the other posters - co-slept including lying on my side and feeding.

I wish too that I hadn't worried about my supply and had gone to bed at 8pm and left her with DH with a bottle. 8pm until 12 is a good 4 hours which would make the world of difference if you can get it.

As an aside, many talk about rocking being a difficult habit to break. But I'm not sure it is such a problem. We started to phase it out and although sometimes she still needs it it's nor really a biggie as if she's in a good place (not overtired, not teething or hungry) she can go to sleep without it.

Everyone in RL I spoke to seemed to have sleeping babies - hearing that DID not help! I recommend only talking to people about this who are going through something similar. Even now I don't have a great sleeper and hearing about how everyone else is getting 12 hours every.single.night makes me feel violent (and I am a peace loving hippy).

I'm not sure if any of that helps as babies are so individual and different. I hope things improve soon, hang in there.

Yep DS has to be in his bouncing chair with the vibrate on to get him to sleep in the evenings.

Mini pie thanks for the tip about 4 hours of daytime sleep. I'm not sure he gets that unless I count the sleep he gets in the morning. He tends to sleep quite soundly until late morning with a couple of brief breastfeeds.

At this age DD didn't go to bed properly until about 2am, and then slept most of the morning. I had to try to bring her night's sleep forward, iyswim. I'm not sure anything I did had an effect, but it seemed to creep forward naturally at around 3mo. (Though I agree with minipie that focussing on her daytime sleep / nights was the most helpful though. I used the 90 minute rule - first nap 90 mins after waking, repeat 90 min cycle until he seems more well rested. At that point first nap 90 mins after waking, second nap might be two hours after that.)

That's not much use to you now though. What is happening at the weekend? I'm casting around for ideas of how you could catch up on your sleep. (Assuming that DS is cluster feeding evenings.) Could DH take him out in the pram for a couple of hours, would he sleep or at least be calm? On weekend days could the bottle of formula be daytime so DH could have him for four hours (you feed, DH takes him, you sleep, DH feeds him formula after two hours, brings him back for next BF after four hours). Two days back to back of that would take the edge off your exhaustion.

Also it's no substitute for sleep but are you taking a multivitamin (my doctor told me to stay on prenatals) and eating well?

It would be nice if DH helped in the mornings but he just gets ready for work and leaves.

DH needs to help more and that is that. If you are thinking of throwing your baby across the room (no judgment, I did too) that is a warning sign that you need some help asap.